Tumors Are Back With A Vengeance

I received my test results.

It’s confirmed. The cancer is winning.

Big time.

Payout is about two months away.

I won round 1 only to be sucker punched into a Round 2.

I am emotional to say the least.

The bastard got me. Hook, line and sinker. Or so it believes!

I can’t stand up to face Round 2 without a referee. My referee will be my Faith.

If it is to be a clean fight I will need a few well placed right hooks, or we will go down fast.

Cancer doe snot fight a clean fight.

Cancer is a dirty fighter.

I will have to fight as a true Urban Viking and utilize whatever I may to bring this wretched , demonic dease to it’s knees.

I am “The Original Urban Viking” , as such it is up to me to lay the ground rules for future Urban Vikings, who may follow and have to fight for their very lives.

The most important rule to fighting cancer is to not be afraid to cry or laugh.

You will be scared. No one fighting these battles can say they were/are not afraid.

YOU ARE FACING DEATH!!!!

There will be days when you beg your Creator to just take you and end your suffering.

DO NOT GIVE IN TO THIS NEGATIVITY!!!!

There will also be days that you are smiling and ready for whatever is tossed unto your lap.

You will have emotional days where as you feel you have lost all your manhood or womanhood. Days where the mirror becomes your enemy as you realize that you look like a holocaust survivor. Where you do not recognize the poor soul in the mirror.

Just bear in mind that you can recover. It will take time. A long time. But, you will recover.

My recent test results surprised me. I was not expecting such a severe diagnosis. I expected bad, but not horrible.

I committed the biggest mistake in a cancer battle ….

I let my guard down and allowed hope to give me a false feeling of a battle already won.

This leaves me in the uncomfortable position of choosing which remedy best suits my recovery.

Option one:.

Death within 2 months. Not acceptable!

Option 2:

Another round of heavy duty radical radiation. No one else has survived.

On my right shoulder I have a cute white winged Angel telling me to follow them.

Her remedy was to pass the bucket on the left hand side and, thanks to the miracles of modern medicine, ingest large quantities of radiation. With no guarantee other than months of discomfort.

Of which my chance of being cured lay at a measly 7 percent survivor rate.

On my left shoulder stands a drunken mini version of a Keebler Elf with tossed salad in his hair.

His remedy was to allow the Winds of Change and Darkness to take as much time as they need to devour my frontal lobes.

Totally unacceptable.

Which would you choose?

I opted for allowing Nature to attack at her wish.

I will counterattack with all my resources. The human body is an amazing machine and with the right positive attitude is capable of much that modern medicine cannot explain.

My surviving the first round of this battle is living proof of this.

To quote my team of doctors,

“Only words to describe my winning so far is ‘Miracle’.”

I have to wait now.

Patiently.

For Ascension.

To put this in “Layman terms”:

I got two cancers. First we thought we were winning. This was a ‘hope’.

I know I am far stronger than most believe. More than I even believe.

I will do what I must to stay alive. The only thing I will absolutely refuse is disfiguring surgeries.

For, I am The Original Urban Viking and Valhalla is not ready for me. Helheim is afraid of me.

I will go down head held high and my axe swinging.

Frack cancer.

I choose life!

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Was My Life Hard? I Think Not

I am ‘LightHouse Dann Verner’.

A man who some say has lived many tragic lives.

The first decade of my life I had lived in thirty-two homes. None of which I ever spoke the words, “Mom or Dad“. Only “Mister or Misses”.

I started my ‘Walks‘ at the age of ten fighting the monsters in my head. The demons were winning for many years.

I left my siblings Father’s house at the age of twelve to join a hippie commune and learned how to be a Heroin addict.

I have never slept in my father or mothers house since that day.

That was over fifty years ago…..

Was my life hard?

I think not.

Every life is difficult.

It is our trials and tribulations that define who we become in life.

I have done many things I am ashamed of.

I have done far more that I am proud of.

Never let your past transgressions define your future.

Hold your head high and hold the attitude that you are the best you that you can be today.

For yesterday has ‘passed’.

Tomorrow is always “tomorrow“.

Today is ‘now‘ and only the Creators know what each day will teach you, show you and bring to you.

Never be leary to stand head high.

Always treat each new day as another ‘birth“.

“Walk With Dann Collection” tells you of my many trials and tribulations.

Available at:

amazon.com/author/lighthouseverner

How many tears does it take to fill a broken heart?

How many tears does it take to fill a broken heart?

Tears are the measurement of emotional pain.

Love teaches various hurts via the trials and tribulations of a new and advancing relationship

Deeply, madly and truly.

I have been alive 61 years, 6 months and 12 days. I have had my heart demolished and my soul spilt into the gutter more times than any person could withstand.

One of the top priorities in my daily prayer sessions is my six plus decades of begging the Creator for a day, one meager 24 hour time slot, where I do not hurt or cause hurt to someone else.

The two cancer diagnosis,

the stroke,

the abscess from Hell,

the following septicemia battle.

Top that off with an exploded spleen and by the Lords of Donegul I swear you will have a uniquely, traumatic story to tell.

By estimate I can safely say I have cried an Imperial gallon of heartbroken tears in the past 5 months. Or so it seems. Either way it’s suffice to say I cried an enormous quantity of tears.

Of which, ninety-nine percent I have no knowledge why they come.

This causes me to lose a little more of my already drained genetic interpretation of manhood.

I am trapped in the gray brink of Darkness. As I try to get into the Beacon of Light I slide increasingly deeper into the Dark.

I am afraid of THAT darkness. Nothing good can come from within it’s demonic fog.

Definitely not the tears. They are tears of a 61 year old man. One who lived a tragic but full life.

My being raised in the latter 50’s and 60’s gifted me with a learned, but unwanted red neck rampage attitude towards a relationship.

Sprinkle that with the chauvinistic and bigoted attitudes of that era and you will see how it did my young pubescent self no good.

I left my father’s home at the age of 12. I have never slept in my Father’s, nor my Mother’s, home since. This alone should show testimony as to the dancing pool of hormones and rebellions in my mind.

I didn’t cry then.

I never cried.

No.

Not through the beatings.

The tortures.

Nor the loveless foster homes.

I definitely was that boy. The one who WON’T cry.

I am crying now, though. I do not know why.

I am just crying (again).

I was lonely most of my life. The “Stranger in a Strange Land“. The boy who refused to cry. No matter what was hurting him.

To put it in layman’s lingo:

“I have been lonely since October 5th, 1957. I will be even more lonely come October 5th, this year.”

I have been battling personal demons all my live long days. I have never shed as many tears in a few week period as I have shed these past five weeks.

This causes me grief. Greatly.

I developed insomnia – seems to have patterned itself into four days of being wide awake and one day of rest. Leaving my mind to ask,

” How many tears does it take to fill a broken heart?”

I am a starving author – (literally)

That calls for a weakened physical state and a mind full of swirling emotions. All of which give the Dark entranceway to the control room of my LightHouse. The demon tries his best to win, but each prayer are bullets of Light.

Especially since I have had to fight the Demon of Suicide 24 hours each day since my beloved spleen exploded and left me crying in the rain.

My last few posts show how I have crawled backwards.

I am trying to bounce back. It’s hard. I am not sure I want to be here.

I fear not Death. Not in the least.

Sad to actually say that.

I would not try suicide. Since my brother committing such I was quickly schooled on being a survivor.

Also, August 22, 2002 I succeeded in killing myself. After a four hour battle in my basement to revive and to stabilize my body, I now sit here before you.

Poring out my inner thoughts and my broken moments. My soul with all it’s hidden secrets would lay before you.

A guess would be that one who cries this many tears is depressed beyond depression. Sad beyond sadness.

Yet, it’s a truth.

I cry still.

I wish I knew the real reason.

I am tired. So very tired.

Physically.

Mentally.

Emotionally I am the sinking of the Bismark.

I am done venting on you.

I am too old to be crying.

Yet …….. I am crying once again and even still shall I cry forever more.

My only regret is I know not THE REAL REASON I have this half full bucket of silent tears.

Perhaps the 2 stage 4 cancers?

Maybe because I am single.

Or maybe my loneliness.

Or because I am realizing that I am not considered as Maria’s “man“. That we aren’t on any channel.

To be officially known as her “man” would be an honor. I would be the happiest man ever.

But, the Darkness has prevented that.

It may very well be that I am dying.

Any how …

I am crying real tears.

Perhaps even the tears of a clown.

The Binds That Tie

I have not been writing much as late.

I have to get back to doing so.

I am overloading my mind with chaos and confused emotions.

The cancer eats at me even when it is laying dormant. “Am I going to die?” or “Will I soon be a husk of my former self?” – these two questions echo to and fro within the confines of my mind.

The tears I have yet to understand. They flow without rhyme or reason. Occasionally I have a warning. Many times I have not. On a crowded bus they leak out my eyes and trickle down my cheeks. I have learned not to be embarrassed. We all cry occasionally.

Why am I crying???

I know not why. Perhaps it is fear of the cancer, or sadness from the condition of my emaciated body, or my feelings of unworthiness.

I know I have worth. I know I have been allowed to live for a greater reason than I have knowledge of.

In a few mere weeks I transitioned from one tough mofo of a streetwise gangster to a 102 pound HUMBLED man. A man who at 61 realizes that honesty, caring and devotion are the key ingredients to being a productive cog in the machine of life.

The cancer, stroke,abscess, septicemia and exploded spleen were just mere bumps in the road. Nudges from the Creator.

Unveiled clues to the meaning of my life. A “reset” of my inner core thought process.

Will I be happy sitting on a chair aging into an old man held hostage by thought in a ghetto apartment? Or, will I rejuvenate my soul’s energy and start the final ‘Walk With Dann’ with a new found love of living?

I chose the latter. I chose a life.

I have now been declared legally dead on 9 occasions. How many people can say this?

I used to wonder why I have been Blessed with returning from Death. I do not wonder now, for I know that I have a purpose yet to be revealed. A calling I will soon discover and understand.

I will not allow my physical ailments nor my psychological turmoil to steer my Walk.

I will leave those steps in the hands of the Creator.

When my calling and purpose births itself, I shall be ready.

It may well be as simple as writing yet another book about life lessons learned, or, it may be a complicated array of lecturing the youth or teaching the elders.

Only the Creator knows for sure what my destiny holds. I look forward to the day I obtain self realization and take the first step onto the path I must “Walk”.

I am but a grain of sand on the beach of life …….

Yet, I hold the power to change the world

Namaste’

Some are confused between the radiation therapy being successful on my tumors and my cancer NOT being cured

Just got to explain my situation to those who do not understand how cancer works.
1- yes, the radiation was successful. It killed the 26 tumors.

2- I am not “cancer free”

3 – my cancer is in remission

4 – before they killed the tumors my body got very damaged. Mostly in the frontal lobes of my brain. Hence, the deafness and possible blindness. It is possible that I could easily lose all bodily functions as the frontal lobes are the most important part of our body. If the pharyngeal cancer comes back it could easily make me a vegetable.

5 – I have 2 cancers – the “pharyngeal”, which is responsible for the 23 floating neck and head tumors. 3 of which are in my brain, 3 next to my heart and 17 roaming around in my neck. These tumors are outside of my esophagus. The radiation killed the existing tumors.

THEN, I have “Squamous Cell Carcinoma” – – – this is the killer – it is responsible for the huge tumor on the base of my tongue and two little ones beside the large one. It has destroyed my tongue beyond repair. I will have a large hole in my tongue for life.

6 – For now I am safe from “cancer”, BUT, if my body doesn’t absorb the benign pharyngeal tumors the doctors will have no choice but to crack open my chest to remove the tumors by my heart – open my neck to get the ones floating in it and they are hoping that they can pop out my left eye ( cause it is already very damaged from the time I was on life support for 6 weeks and I can barely see through it) and hopefully be able to get to and remove the 3 on my brain.

They wanted to do actual brain surgery but I refused to allow them because they would have to remove the existing plate in my head and there is a 95 percent chance that my body will reject the new plate. I will not EVER allow them to open my skull. (The existing plate I have had since 1972 – obtained in Montreal during the “biker wars, nuff said about that)

So, yes, I am very happy about my diagnosis of the radiation working on the tumors.

I still have cancer.

My body has to deal with the damage from the tumors.

Also, the stroke, the septicemia poisoning, the abscess and my spleen exploding damaged a lot of my organs – which some can be repaired and some not repairable

So, my dear friends …. we have cause of celebration of the successful radiation treatment. And believe you me, I am forever thanking the Lord for His mercy.

I still have a year or more of treatments ahead of me. And many possible surgeries.

And this I shall get through via the mercy of the Lord, the Prayers and love from my beautiful Prayer Army and the love and support from my truest soul mate, Maria Angelica M.

The Original Hippie or Perhaps, “Has Anyone Seen My Prophet? “

This blog I originally published 10 years ago.

My views and beliefs are still somewhat the same.

Since what I have been through in the last three months my Faith has grown much stronger.

What I am trying to convey here is that how do we identify a “prophet”?

A false prophet is easily discovered, but how in today’s society would we be able to recognize a true prophet. For all we know we may have the real one locked up in an institution with the numerous false ones.

Or he/her cold be hiding their identity until society learns to stop killing each other in the name of “religion”.

I truly believe that Jesus existed and was somehow able to communicate with the Creator. I believe he was very intelligent and far ahead of his time .

You have to keep in mind that in his time ninety percent of man were uneducated, illiterate and still worshipping false idols.

Could a charismatic, educated man be capable of influencing followers? Hell, yes most certainly.

Jesus could have been an alien or the last brilliant mind to come from Atlantis for all we really know.

Why we’re the first 14 books of the Bible removed by “religious” leaders of the day?

There is a great difference between being a religious follower and a true believer of faith.

All the “Holy Books” of that time had to be written in simple language form so as the average citizen could understand the messages.

Our genetic need to be the best and only one who knows what is truth has misconstrued what Jesus was sent to teach us.

But, we murdered him because, firstly, he was right and secondly, he was far too charismatic and thereby a threat to all religions .

So, here we had this poor soul traveling the world trying to enlighten society on the ten Commandments and teach us how to live peaceful and meaningful lives.

We returned the favor by killing him in the name of religion .

There have been many more “true prophets” since Jesus. But, modern day “religion” has been able to make us disbelievers of truth so as Faith does not interfere with the big money game we have labeled “Religion”.

Because we have not evolved much since Jesus’s time .

Which leaves us wondering, as I state below, “Who is the Jesus of this time period?

Originally published in July 2009 in my http://dannverner.blogspot.ca site ……….

The Original Hippie

I was recently asked if I believed in Jesus Christ.

What anxiety this raised within me – it was though I had been waiting for some soul to ask me this deep question.

Here is my mindset on this controversial topic.

I definitely believe in Jesus.

I believe he walked upon this big blue marble.

I believe he spread the words of the Creators.

I believe he was a man who was ahead of his time in the area’s of logic, societal disposition and culture.

Jesus was a man.

I do NOT believe he was the SON OF GOD. (Where is Mrs. God?)

Whoa, now I have stepped into it……..so, here I go…………..

Jesus was a Prophet.

Jesus was a peaceful, gentle scholar who wished only to make an immature society overstand the reality of spiritualism and human reality.

Jesus was the original Hippie.

Jesus was born at the wrong time.

Jesus was persecuted for his overstanding of what this plain of existence was, is and shall be.

In the rock opera, “Jesus Christ Superstar”, the title song asks the question, “Why did you choose such a backward time in such a backward land?”. Did he choose? Or was that what the Creators decided was necessary for the plain of space/time continuum in this particular multiverse?

Jesus was a soul man.

Through all time, through all plains of reality and through all seven multi-universes there has been Prophets. Be it Jesus, Siddhartha, Gandhi, Aristotle or John Lennon, makes no nevermind – they are just the vessel. The message is always the same. To quote Led Zeppelin, “The Song Remains The Same”.

Jesus was the father of the peace, love, forgiveness and unity movements.

LEAVES ONE TO WONDER, “WHO IS THE JESUS OF NOW?“

My GoFundMe Campaign

Due to the devastation caused by my fighting this cancer battle I have no choice to appeal to the public for assistance in recovering my life after almost losing it during these treatments.

Please share where ever you wish and God Bless you if you are able to help.

https://www.gofundme.com/recovering-from-cancer-treatments&rcid=r01-15538517523-a75f3adab7414a06&pc=ot_co_campmgmt_m

Nothing Less Than A Miracle

Praise the Lord!

No one is going to believe this, but I have a witness.

The doctors both said at the same time that I “am way ahead of schedule” and it appears we got all the cancer.

HIS WORDS AS WERE OURS WAS,

“It’s nothing less than a miracle”

They are dumbfounded that I have gained so much weight and I am eating regular food.

Stomach tube comes out in two weeks.

The power of your PRAYERS and the amount of LOVE and ENCOURAGEMENT from all of you has been the catalyst behind this.

I will still have problems as the cancer cells and tumors continuing to die off. My body still has to repair itself.

But, the cancer met it’s match with LightHouse Dann Verner and I have been Blessed with a MIRACLE directly from God.

I want to cry I am so happy

When Maria and I left Princess Margaret Cancer Hospital it was pure joy and disbelief.

Praise God ♡

I will forever be giving thanks through prayer.

I will forever be amazed at the amount of people who joined my Prayer Army and showered me with nothing but Faith, Love and Prayers both night and day.

How do you say thank you to so many?

Maria, I fall deeper in love with you everyday. We have been through so much these past 7 years. I love you more than any words can say.

I can only show you my appreciation and gratitude for having you in my life.

#ATrueMiracle
#FuckCancer
#LightHouseDannVerner

The Dark Void

I have been through some heavy predicaments in my life that left me dazed and confused.

Looking back I wonder how I made it through most of them.

Now I have been battling this cancer.

It would not have been so difficult if I hadn’t had a minor stroke the first week of treatment – luckily the nurse was changing my IV bag as it started to happen.

The next week they discovered a huge abscess in my abdomen. Painfully it was dealt with.

Bear in mind I am also having double radiation sessions daily.

T

hen after the abscess I get hit with septicemia and almost die.

A week after that my spleen explodes.

No one knows how I survived that.

There is no way I should have survived.

And I finally graduated from my radiation treatments.

And now, as I wait for the test results to tell me if we got all the cancer, I sit here in a very dark void.

I am scared. It could be extremely bad news on the twenty – eighth or the best news ever.

But, I sit here day after day trying to stay positive and ready as any Urban Viking to go to war against the cancer again if I have to.

But this dark void contains my biggest fears, my greatest wishes, who I love, my family love.

And I am getting scared.

So, I pray and I pray from the heart and soul. I have confessed my sins to my God. I willingly accept all and any penence I may have to serve.

Prayer is what pulls me from this void.

I am scared but ready. Only a fool would state he was not afraid of the battles I have yet to fight.

Namaste’

An Interesting Avenue to explore

Recently, I read a short article on a FaceBook family page that made me stop and go, “Hmmmmmmm”.

The article reopened up a chain of thought I have been investigating and extremely curious about since my high school years.

I have rare “RH A negative” blood type, as do many of my family members. From what I have been told  this trait was inherited from our Paternal Grandmother.

I have the extra vertebrae. I have the eyes, hair tint and light sensitivity …… as well as many other “markers” I have discovered from various avenues I have researched over the years.

Am I a Rasputin re-incarnate??? Or …. drum roll …. am I of alien descent?????

I have stated and believed for many years that certain Caucasian tribes of people could not have evolved upon Earth.

Think about this – the majority of humans have dark hair, dark eyes, dark skin tones and their tribal roots are easily traceable to many, many centuries prior.

Just a quick glance at the evidence supporting the evolution of the Central European Caucasian tribes is convincing enough to raise doubt in the minds of scholars and laymen alike … we are totally different than ‘all‘ other races.

We have not ‘tanned‘, for lack of a better word, as the others have to protect them from the heat and rays of our Sun.

We are one of the few races that have more than one eye or hair colour.

Over the last thirty or forty years I have delved into investigations and debates concerning what they speak of in the article.

I have added a link to the article at end of this blog. Give it a sincere read and I am positive you shall go, “Hmmmmmmm.”

Many years I was hindered from research as the Internet had not yet come into being a reality. Alas, now I can easily obtain numerous facts, theories and opinions concerning all of that associated with this topic.

I shall  put my university education to use by completing my paper on what I feel is the truth regarding this theory. To offer to society LightHouse Dann Verner’s theory of “The True Evolution of The Canadian Cosmonauts”.

Give this article a read. Research and explore other similar articles and published theories.

https://www.learning-mind.com/rh-negative-blood-type-alien/?fbclid=IwAR0j17oE6cAL77gpUt3TZKtvS_-v9djpqWfxte5l1chKnp7yykRY4I2eKAg