I AM TIRED. ….VERY TIRED

​As I sit here fighting this demon at three o’clock in the morning,  I am totally ashamed and disgusted with myself for what I have done to my life and the affect it has upon my child.

I cannot recall one minute of my past existence that can compare to the disaster which I now am living.

I am lost. I am broken.  I am repairable and I know which path I should be walking on, but I cannot repair myself. 

Deep down inside I am struggling with a very dark entity and I am riddled with guilt,  shame, weakness and dangerous emotions.

I know I am mentally  stronger than most people.  I know that all things must pass

I know I will never take the cowards way out of this sorrow. 

I know that I am truly loved by many, many beautiful souls, for it is their love and friendship that fuels my fighter and  logical self.

BUT …… I must confess that I am weak –  I am so very tired.  

I fear I have not the psychological  nor physical strength left in me to go on.

But, yet I must for only a coward would take the easy way out.

Only a coward would be so selfish enough  to inflict such sorrow on those that allow him  to call them “friend”.

I am not a coward by any means.

I am so very tired. 

I pray constantly to my God that she may Bless upon me yet again her guidance,  her LOVE and allow me to get back onto a better highway of life.

I pray that soon I will be able to hold my head high without this shame. That I shall become a man who laughs and absorbs life’s beautiful moments once again. 

I ask for forgiveness daily – both from my God and my friends. 

The shame I am carrying cannot be any worse than it is at this time. 

I have lost a huge portion of my “manhood” – I have stood by and watched it slowly swirl down the toilet.

I ASK ALL OF MY  BEAUTIFUL FRIENDS TO HELP ME GET PAST THIS HORRIBLE BATTLE. 

I ask that you do not feel my shame and that no matter what, that you continue to allow me to bath in your love and friendship. 

I am usually very strong and fight my demons efficiently,  but I have little strength left to battle them again.

If I lose my place to live and scar my child’s life I honestly do not know if I will be able to face the broken man in my mirror. 

I used to be a contender – now I am a broken soul who has no solution to his problems. 

For the first time in my hard life I  must confess that this old Lighthouse is afraid – I cry all night, every night. I’m scared beyond my control and with that fright comes a shame so strong.

I do not know if I shall ever be able to hold my head high again.  I do not know if I will ever be able to deserve the real love you all have for me.

Personally I do not feel I deserve such an honour.

I love ALL of you beyond compare

I am broken and I apologize to all of you for the shame and sorrow I have brought into our friendship. 

Here is a link to my  “gofundme” campaign.  I feel so embarrassed. 

http://www.gofundme.com/need-help-stabilizing-my-life-2uywn3rc

Forgive me  please.

Namaste

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About LightHouse Dann Verner

I am a 'Lighthouse' - I spread the message of Peace, Love, Forgiveness and Light to all whom may overstand the necessity of becoming one with each other and all the Gods have laid at our feet.
This entry was posted in health & wellness, hip hop/rap, History, life, Politics, society, spiritual, youth and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to I AM TIRED. ….VERY TIRED

  1. I am very grateful to all who have donated.
    My life is taking a severe downhill spiral at such the wrong time. With my rapidly deteriorating health and the series of financial downfalls I am devastated.

    I am hoping the Creator’s Bless me with a miracle soon, before it is too late.

    Like

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