Heavy Weighs The Hopeless Heart

The weight that spans my shoulders weighs heavy upon my heart.

In a series of almost comedic events my life went from that of hope, peacefulness and routines,  to one of chaos,  hopelessness and fear.

I could have avoided all of this if only my building management had informed me immediately of the non-payment of my rent. By their delaying me notice until late September,  I had then accumulated August,September and October’s payment all at once.

An impossibility considering my income. 

And now I am mere days away from losing all my material possessions and the psychological trauma of being homeless with a thirteen year old son.  

I have tried all the various resources to no avail.  I am a victim of that social services hole between disability and pension.  Too young to be old and too old to be young.

Soon I must face the surgeon’s scalpel.  Not once, but at the least twice.  A kidney removal and gall bladder.

I am not strong enough to battle this battle with the lingering shadow of homelessness dangling above my soul.

I am a fifty nine year old bundle of shame and embarrassment.  

I am humbled to becoming a mere beggar – hoping for the kindness of strangers to assist me in climbing this abyss. 

So, I am left wondering,  crying and praying that a miracle comes into my life and I will not have to look my child in his  eyes and say:

“I have failed you my son.”

For with that statement my reason for being will have become dust in the winds of despair. 

I no not what to do but pray and hope.

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