LIFE, LOVE & PAIN

So, the dreaded journey begins…..

Today is my first of three pre-ops.

I am at the North York General Hospital for the preparation for my gall bladder removal. 

Usually this is a day surgery performed via laparoscopy. But, I have never been Blessed with good luck. I have to be sliced open due to a large amount of scar tissue within. 

This coming Friday I go to yet another hospital,  Scarborough General,  for a barrage of tests and pre-op for the removal of my kidney.  

These tests include the insertion of a camera up my urinary tract.  I have been having nightmares about this one test. As I am sure anyone would.

The kidney surgery comes with a mere thirty percent chance of surviving.  

I will also find out on Friday what they intend to do about the three quarter inch blockage in my liver. Having gone through a battle with liver cancer thirteen years ago,  I have my concerns about this. 

I am still waiting to hear the game plan for my  detached ab muscle.  As far as I know this will be re- attached upon completion of the kidney removal or after they repair my liver.

It is all in the hands of the Creator’s. 

I am but a pawn in their game of thrones.

What scares me to no end is I shall be homeless when I am discharged from the hospital.  

Cut up like a Christmas goose, my fantastic son, the angry budgie and my two beautiful pups living no where’s just before Christmas.  

This is why I have lost faith in your gods. I am doomed to a life of shame and embarrassment. 

If I  survive – which my gut and five doctors feel I shall not.

I have been documented dead seven times before – I know from those experiences that there is no eighth return.

The surgeries scare me,  but homelessness will be the straw that breaks my back. 

And so I shed these tears of shame. 

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