Sweating In Summer’s Worth
I sweat. Very extremely. Too damn much.
Doctor’s know not why.
It is embarrassing to say the least.
Within five minutes outside, I appear as though I took a shower with my clothes on.
I believe it is due to the fact that I was born by the Atlantic ocean and it’s constant ocean breeze. Like a salmon, our bodies know where we belong. It becomes a genetic marker.
I left New Brunswick in 1972. Now reside eleven hundred miles from the nearest ocean. Eleven hundred miles from being able to breathe and function. Eleven hundred miles from the beautiful arms of the Goddess of Tides.
As a child I spent most my waking hours sitting on the shores of “Saint’s Rest” on the west side of Saint John. I grew up in the deep south end of the city, but would walk an hour and a half to find solitude and quiet in Nature’s grasp. (That and my foster parents would never search for me there.)
What a beautiful place to be a heroin addict and consume LSD.
The ebb and flow of the mighty Atlantic – the ferociousness of that mighty Whore of Oceans was mesmerizing. Hypnotically trapping me into understanding how meagre we humans are. Acknowledging to me how insignificant people are compared to the force of Nature. How, with just one wave SHE could eliminate our existence.
And through my teenage years as a junkie and drug user, I realized that life has to have meaning.
“What pray tell is the meaning of YOUR life?”
I know somewhat the meaning of my being here. Yet, I understand it not. I have learned to accept my life for that which it may be.
During my early teens, I am sure friends and family both had a hidden lottery on how long I could “Walk With Dann” or “Dance With Shake”. Nineteen was the targeted year, I believe.
I turned eighteen in prison with a long time before ‘PAROLE’.
Thank you Many Faced God for Sentence Appeals. For now I have left “Dancing With Shake” behind me as I “Walk With Dann”.
Shake was evil, Dann is remorseful and pays the penance of the crimes of Shake.
Dann is full of guilt.
I need not go into those details as they are laid out truthfully and completely in my previous blogs and writings.
Yet, I sweat still.
Embarrassed when entering a store or applying for an apartment, etc. No matter how I dress, I arrive as wet as a nun’s vagina at a Justin Beiber concert.
I am positive that to some I appear as a ‘crackhead’ or just as a ‘dirty’ man.
I despise sweating.
I have resided in Toronto, Ontario, Canada for nigh on thirty seven years thus far. I am still sweating as much as the day I stepped off the Air Canada plane that delivered me from prison.
I am sweating profusely at this moment.
And I hate it.
I do not drink the water here. There is no water in Ontario. Just some clear weird liquid that oozes from my taps. Not sure if I need a knife and fork to consume it. Down home water has flavour. You can taste the Nature locked within. It’s cooling caress hugs you as it courses down your gullet.
Drinking New Brunswick water is a pleasure.
Drinking Toronto water is a roll of the dice.
But, how can I sweat so darn much without re-hydrating what I am losing?
I am puzzled by this.
I truly believe my purpose on this Big Blue Marble is to serve as a prime example of how NOT to live life.
I beg all of you, young and old alike, do not look for FALSE GLORY in the gangster life. Never have the belief that drugs solve life’s problems. Never “Dance With Shake”.
Feel free to “Walk With Dann”.
Never refuse to atone for the wrongs you have committed. Never refuse to own up to your actions.
No matter what your past may have held it cannot and WILL NOT disperse into infinity. It shall always come back to haunt you later in life.
All the sweating in the world will never wash your soul clean.
And so, I sweat profusely. Till I finally reach your version of Hades and the heat evaporates my past.