Today, May 30th, 2019, I attended the Head & Neck Cancer Clinic in the marvelous Princess Margaret Cancer Center.
This was the appointment I so eagerly awaited in my previous blog, “The Fear of Cancer”.
I was not expecting good news. Many years ago I had trained myself to always expect the worst in this type of a situation.
“Why, you ask?”
If I expect the worse, then no matter what the diagnosis is to be I will be relieved as it is not the worst.
By the way, “It was the worse I have heard so far.”
Soooooo, I will break down the first three parts.
I will be receiving 39 sessions in a hypobaric chamber. They average 1 to 2 hours per session.
As you all know, from the previous and numerous blogs, now that the tumors have been destroyed by the radical radiation, I am plagued with ulcers of a yet ‘unknown’ type growing in the pockets of necrosic flesh left behind by the dimishing tumors.
These come in three types.
1) Non-cancerous ordinary ulcers
2) Cancerous ‘Treatable’
3) Cancerous ‘Non-Treatable‘
A biopsy is need to determine which. This is going to be schedule super a.s.a.p. at my surgerical oncologist at Mount Sinai Hospital. I suspect as early as Tuesday.
I will also have another CT scan of my chest and head.
All this is on super rush.
Tests I have had are still inconclusive.
I need to be put under for the biopsy as they cannot get down my throat far enough the conventional way.
The specialty surgeon is going to have to evaluate what to needs to be removed.
What my quality of life shall be if I have surgery will determine my choice of having surgery or not.
I will not allow any surgery that renders me invalid or disfigured.
I will not suffer my family or loved ones such sorrow.
The ulcers are not healing. This is where the hyperbolic chamber comes into play. By infusion my body with oxygen it will promote faster healing.
We still are unsure as to whether or not they are cancerous or non-cancerous.
It may be necessary for me to have the g-tube re-installed. I may have no choice but to stop eating orally completely. This to allow my throat to heal.
I would be 100% reliant on the g-tube for all nutrition and hydration. For as long as it takes to improve.
For the past week or so I have experienced a pain like no other in my life! Far worse than anything I have experienced. And I have been through many physically painful situations.
It starts behind my eyes – as if there is someone attempting to push my eyes out of the sockets with their thumbs. My ears are constantly feeling as if they are being stabbed with sharpened pencils. The base of my skull has someone hammering in nails and my throat pain is beyond description.
I literally cry like a baby. I want to scream.
But, I can and will do my best to pass through this, the biggest storm of my life. (Death?)
Thank you all for the love, positive vibrations, encouragement abs mostof all your Prayers.
I am humbled by what everyone has done for me and the love that has enveloped me.
Maria MacDonald – your loveand devotion is a large factor in my surviving this far and I will never give up this battle for I have a lifetime to spend sharing with you.
You are the fire in my life. My heart. My love.
I appreciate, respect and loveyou beyond words.
I will say my Prayers now and ask for relief from this barrage of pure pain.
Remember my friends, it does not take much to …..
PRAY IT FORWARD