I feel accomplished.
I have written and published my autobiography.
I have written and published my autobiographical battle with my Cancers.
I have written and publish four other non-fictional works that depict how ganglife may appear exciting to some, it always ends up with Karma winning.
I have been blogging for 12 years now. Much of my life, most of my life, is out there for the world to read and experience.
“Why? Why put your life out there?”, you ask.
I have lived a unique and full life. Yes, often in tragedy. Often in trouble. My being totally honest and showing what the consequences of my actions and choices caused in my life and one person takes heed from such, then, I have succeeded in life.
I have much shame in my past. I also have much pride in my past. I changed my ways many a time to become,
“Dann – just as I am.”
“The Original Urban Viking“
I have “Terminal, untreatable Squamous Cell Carcinoma.” I was suppose to be dead in January 2019. Here it is December and I am still standing.
But, everyday is a test of nerves. Everyday I have to wonder, “is today the day? Is Today the day I die?“
Now, my Congestive Heart Disease is acting up. My feet and legs are swelling. As are my hands and face. Not a good sign for my future.
Then I have this unsatisfiable hunger. I call it “The Cancer Munchies“. The cancer is absorbing all my nutrition and thusly making me constantly hungry. Yet, I gain no weight. While an in-patient at Princess Margaret Cancer Centre I witnessed this many a time. The patient would be constantly hungry for a few weeks and then pass.
I am scared. I am not scared of Death. That is a given we will meet. I am scared for the hurt my family and loved ones will suffer when I ascend.
The Fire within fuels my stubbornness. I have already cheated Death’s time schedule many a time. We play Cat and Mouse often.
I write this today just to convey a simple message from my heart.
I know I have been very negative this past year. Cancer is negative. Cancer is Dark.
I am proud that I finally published my books.
I am proud of my family. My Wife, Jennifer, my sons, Randy, Jordan and Dakota are my reason for living.
I am saddened that I will soon die. Very soon.
I am happy that we had our “Christmas” dinner at the beginning of the month.
But, I am heavy hearted knowing that at any moment I could ascend. That is a truth too real to deal with at times.