Cancerous Emotions Cause Heartache

I have learned many things since I started this horrid battle against the Pharyngeal and Squamous Cell Carcinomas.

One of the most important, yet heartbreaking, being that having terminal cancer changes all aspects of life. Yours and every person connected to you in any and each way.

For the patient it is difficult enough. They must go through the various stages of coming to the realization that they do indeed have terminal cancer. And Death is intimate.

I was tortured through the first few stages of cancer acceptance.

First came the “Denial” .

I don’t have cancer. I want another and another opinion.”

Then came “Depression.”

The darkness crept in. The tears began to fall.

And of course this was followed by the demonic “Suicidal” stage.

I gave it serious consideration. Being a man who has been Blessed with loving family and dear friends, I was pulled from the bowels of this Demon.

And in all honesty it was just in the knick of time. I lie to you not

I am now in the “Acceptance” stage.

I am at peace with the diagnosis.

I am at war with the desease.

My soul mate, my family, my friends and everyone connected to my life get the smelly end of the stick.

They must stand helpless and full of guilt because they know not what they can do to alleviate my suffering.

(“SUFFER” is an understatement – what my precious loved ones had to witness was heartbreaking for me.)

Like I stated previously, I have no choice but to accept the “diagnosis“.


They, my loved ones, will forever be stuck in the “Denial” stage.

For who wants their spouse, parent, child, best friend, etc. to be dying of not one, but two cancers?

The pain and sorrow I see in their eyes fuels my fires to beat this demonic affliction against all the odds that are stacked against me.

I cannot allow cancer in my body to cause pain and heartbreak in their hearts.

We have all changed personality wise. My many sons and I have grown much closer. As has my relationship with my dearest friend and deepest love. The relationship between my ex-wife of 32 years and I has become far more calm, for lack of a better word.

The pleasent side of this is I hear the words, “I love you.” often. Not spoken only to me, but being readily exchanged between family and friends.

What makes this far more heartwarming is not only do I hear the sincerity of the “I love you’s”, I have the Blessing to see the “love” being naturally expressed.

There is always something good trapped inside a disparaging situation. You simply have to identify and bring it to the surface so that it may be a Blessing for all.

The cancer emotions are severe – severe enough to destroy even the strongest and most faithful of souls.

I put my loved one through Hell on many occasions this past few months. Especially when I battled my way through the Denial and Suicidal phase.

I am still a very moody and cantankerous prick at times. I try not to be but it happens. I could blame the pain, or the depression, or the side effects of the opiates, but I blame myself. It is up to me to not take my frustration and sadness out on others.

This Cancer War has made me a grounded soul. I realize that I am far from immortal now. Life is far more precious now. I treasure each second of every minute of each hour I have with my loved ones.

I see more beauty in my soul mate – my dearest friend – Maria. I see how handsome my sons are. I appreciate the love as a friend my ex-wife and I can now share.

Greatest thing I have learned is that life has no time for drama or childish arguments. That one smile is capable of banishing a hundred frowns.

I learned to love MYSELF once again and to let the people I love know that I do truly appreciate and love them.

Yet, I hold that guilt and the sorrow of what I see in their eyes.

I wish they could and would believe that although I am living in a painful Hell, I will be fine. For this Original Urban Viking – the Last Canadian Cosmonaut is not ready for ascension.

I will beat this demonic affliction back to the dusty bowels of Helheim it came from.

Until then, I shall remain – Dann, just as I am

I Am Afraid of Darkness

I am afraid of the darkness, but not the dark.

The darkness pushes back the Light. Allowing sorrow, pain and discomfort to steal joy from your mind.

I try to push it back. Hoping to gain back my Light.

The dark does not scare me because my Light knows it is harmless. It takes merely the flick of a modern switch to drive the dark away.

The Darkness brings out evils and torment.

It lives and thrives in the soul.

Mocking your sorrow.

Laughing at the pain you have endured.

Only love of life, love of family and the love of a true soulmate can push back the Darkness.

I pray someday we will evolve to the point where Darkness is no longer.

Until then, I remain – Dann, just as I am.

Surrounded by the Darkness and wishing it were merely “The Dark”.

But, it is not – it has gripped my heart, my soul and my life in ugly arms.

And whispered in my ear,


16 Signs That You Are An INFJ, The World’s Rarest Personality Type

In 1972, when first incarcerated in a Federal Penitentiary, I did the Myers-Briggs test and rated 16/16.

Apparently only two percent of society has this type of personality labeled as “INFJ”.

I did not understand at that time that I was an INFJ personality. I overstand now.

Rasputin was beyond a doubt an INFJ.

Months before reading the article in the above link, my Lighthouse side has, through a series of analytical evaluations, came to the conclusion that in another space/time continuum I was Rasputin.

I am definitely a true 2% and a classic INFJ person.

Am I Rasputin’s re-incarnate?

#AmIRasputin #LighthouseDannVerner #TheLastCanadianCosmonaut #TheOriginalUrbanViking #amazonauthorlighthouseverner #MiFuegoDeMiCorazon

These Are My Published Books To Date

Last week I published my third volume of my “Walking On Dawes Collection”
This collection shows how no matter how fantastic you believe ganglife to be, Miss Karma and her brother, Mr. Chaos always wins in the end.

Today I published “Unkz, A Canadian Cosmonaut” the fourth and final volume of my “Walk With Dann Collection”.

The last chapter of my life, or as I should say, my various lives.

I pray that my honesty and confessions will touch at least one soul and prevent them from making the wrong choices I have made.

All my works are available at


I write my books for me.

I tell my stories for my readers.

I am not sure if my works are badly written good stories or well written bad stories.

Not too sure I care either way. I do care that, in my “Walk With Dann Collection”, I am telling my life as brutally truthful as possible. In shame and in honour.

I do care that my ‘stand alone’ books, such as “The Last Canadian Cosmonaut” touch your heart.

I pray that my other collection, “Walking On Dawes”, shows that the gang life, although often ‘exciting’, leads only to karma biting your buttocks.”

My Walk With Dann Collection

Volumes 1, 2 & 3

Damaged” is my first book.

Like me, it is raw and full of mistakes.

I have left it “unedited” as life has left me.


Walk With Dann Collection

Volume 1

A Walk from my birth till I meet my second wife.”

It is rough, crude in fact, numerous format conversion errors.

I left It raw on purpose as a testament to the honesty of my words and work.

It contains humour, murder, explosions and motorcycles.

It may or may not be fictional or may even be non-fictional.”


Walk With Dann Collection

Volume 2

Walks you through my middle years and three decades of marriage.”

It does not contain the excitement of it’s predecessor.”

It begins to show you who I was and who I was becoming.”



Walk With Dann Collection

Volume 3

Walks you deep into my personal life of trials and tribulations and my uniquely twisted none the norm perception of my realty.”

“Unkz, A Canadian Cosmonaut”

Volume 4 – Walk With Dann Collection

Unkz - A Canadian Cosmonaut

There are deeply complicated thoughts that haunt you, when you well know you are insane.

Insane by their standard.

I believe I am just Dann, just as I am.

I am not like others.

I am not them.

I am me.

Yet, there are multiple “me’s”.

And they are all I can or should be.

As the previous confessions of my life told within my first work, “Damaged, tells, I am, ‘broken

Began at birth.

Blue baby.

Unplanned child.

Unwanted but wanted.

And left to die before I had lived.

Only my deepest consciousness knows what I have experienced.

To keep my spirit alive my mind vaulted those days far in the depths of the encrypted memories.

Never to be re-lived.

Never to scar my soul once more.

Now, I am sixty-one years old and it is time for me to end this “Walk With Dann Collection” with this, my final volume.

To give closure to the three previous quarters of my numerous lives.

I am not soon to ascend.

But, my Walk With Dann Collection must contain a sincere final volume of my most innermost beliefs and thoughts.

For I cannot author them after I reach my own personal concept of Valhalla.

A final confession of both my rights and my wrongs.

I will utter exact truths, I will hold no quarter from exposing who I have become in the final quarter of a Canadian Cosmonaut’s life.

My life has been no different than yours.

My strife, my loves, my sorrows, my learning and my battlefield are far different than yours.

I present to you ………….

“Unkz, A Canadian Cosmonaut”

So, come, Walk With Dann.


(My first ‘standalone book‘ and my personal favorite.)

TLCC (2)


Here are the opening pages

The smell of the ocean danced on my nostrils as I walked, slipping and sliding, across the flats. My eyes darting to and fro, carefully scanning ahead for sink holes.

I should have been walking the other direction. Towards the junior high school. Towards hippie teachers trying to teach me of science, faith and nature.

I could hear the train in the distance. Pulling it’s tonnage of sugar cane around the bend to the refinery.

The tug boats crested the horizon. Their wake spewing behind them as they pushed against the mighty tanker so as to slow it’s unforgiving momentum. Lest it run ashore.

The shore. My foster home was there. High up the hill. It’s windows like two large eyes, taunting me with guilt.“Go to school“, they seemed to say.

I can’t”, my reply.”

Walking On Dawes Collection



Walking On Dawes Collection”

Volume 1”

This is a tale of a family who live their lives within the gang life. Except Little Ray. He and his family want him to break the cycle and live a normal life.”

There is tragedy, laughter and most of all ‘insight’ within.

Big Roy - Dedication

So come with us as we

Walk On Dawes.”


You Can’t See Me”

Walking On Dawes Collection

Volume 2

This is a portrait of a broken man living a broken life in a broken world where family and friendship are one and the same.

Where wrong choices can lead to lifelong regrets. Haunting the very soul and stabbing the heart daily to remind you of the penalties of actions.

Where a man can be all alone and un-noticed in a crowded room.

Where sadness shadows joy and joy masks sadness.

This is the life of one man on one street in one city.”


6315 – The Original Urban Viking”

Walking On Dawes Collection”

Volume 3”

Life can be unfair. It can be brutal.

Especially for an inner city young man growing up in the projects.

This is a tale of such a man. A man who walked many paths. Who made choices – good and bad. Who experienced love, hate, joy and sadness and bears the scars to show their result.

A man who chose the path of gang life over grade school classes. A man who’s rocking horse was a Harley Davidson. His playground was the streets. His graduation was held in a Federal Penitentiary.

A man who found remorse and regrets haunting him throughout his adulthood.

A man who wanted out.

A man who wished for peace in his soul and calmness in his heart.

His name,

6315 – The Original Urban Viking”

6315 Back Cover



Is The Loblaw’s Rebate Card A Scam?

Back on February 16, 2018 I saw on the evening news how Loblaws was offering a $25 rebate card for their part of the bread price fixing fiasco.

I had to have been one of the very first to apply. Mind you this was last February.

I waited patiently.

My neighbours were all receiving theirs.

Finally, after checking my blank “STATUS” over and over, I decided to inquire as to why it was taking so long.
Here is the first email ….sent May 16, 2018

I submitted my registration on 16/02/18

My ID number is:


I even updated my address when I moved.

I emailed before and was merely told it could take up to 12 weeks.

My question is why have I not received a card when all my Neighbors received their cards weeks ago, many who registered long after I had

Powered by Cricket Wireless


Program Administrator


This was sent June 20, 2018.

No card?

My registration was submitted on February 16, 2018

I have still not received my card.
My registration number is


Dear Customer,

Thank you for your email. Your registration is processing. We will contact you if additional information is needed. You may continue to monitor your registration status at the following path:


Program Administrator

From: LightHouse Dann Verner <>

Sent: Monday, June 11, 2018 5:52:11 AM
Subject: No card?
My registration was submitted on February 16, 2018

I have still not received my card.
My registration number is


LightHouse Dann Verner <>

AttachmentsWed, Jul 11, 3:50 PM

to LoblawInfo

I applied for this card the VERY first day you announced it on the news. I still have yet to receive it, but neighbors who applied on the last eligible day got theirs. Makes me wonder if it was a scam.

I wrote a few times and was told it takes three months.
However, I must say that I am offended that you would even possibly believe that a 61 year old disabled man would somehow be scamming you.
A man who shops at your NoFrills at Saint Clair and Victoria Park Avenue, right next door to my building, daily for the past twenty or so years.
Talk about making someone feel like they are dishonest!!!! I had to have had to been one of the very first to register for the card. In fact I registered so early, I had to wait to submit the final registration because YOUR system was not set up yet.
I feel offended and somewhat a target for unknown reasons. ESPECIALLY AFTER ALL THE TIMES I EMAILED AND ASKED WHAT WAS WRONG.
I even contacted you when I moved because I feared the new tenant at my old residence may have sent it back or whatever.
I just do not understand how my neighbours were bragging about how fast they got theirs and here I have been waiting since late January or early February.
And ever time I inquired I was told it was being ‘processed’. For almost thirty weeks it has been processed.
If not for seeing my neighbours with the actual cards I would have definitely believed this was a scam.
I forget when I actually applied. It was the very first day you released the information on CTV News. Your website says I registered February 16, 2018, but it was a couple of weeks before that.
I actually had to be one of the very first to have submitted a request. And for six months I have asked and wondered why.
If I had not gone to your website today to check (out of curiosity) I never would have known you wanted ‘PROOF” I was not a low life trying to scam you.
No sent me an email asking for the proof either. So, if I hadn’t checked today I never would have known you thought me a scammer.
I suspect Loblaw’s will find another reason to delay or deny me again.
I hope not, but why else would it take a senior a half year but working young people next door and across the hall got theirs very fastidiously.
Anyways, here is the attachment they asked for
Which, by the way, my current address is:
Daniel Verner
Dawes Road,
Toronto, Ontario
offendedly yours,
Daniel Verner
As you can see I was getting upset. I sent them the documents they asked for.
Dear DANIEL VERNER (Registration ID WCB******):

The $25 Loblaw Card program was designed to pay customers quickly and directly, without requiring proof of purchase or forcing customers to wait for a class action lawsuit.

Our plan to distribute tens of millions of dollars is a natural target for fraudulent behaviour by others. We are asking for your help to protect your interests and make sure that the money we want to pay you actually lands in your hands.

We have received your registration and ask that you provide us information to confirm your identity – specifically and only your name and residential address. We ask that you please submit a scanned or photographed copy of any current documentation that shows your name and residential address. For example, a utility or cell phone bill will do. Please note that we do NOT need the account or customer numbers so you can cover up or remove the numbers in the copy of what you send us.

You can submit a copy of your documents one of two ways:

1. Through the following secure link:
2. By mail to Loblaw Card Program, P.O. Box 8111, Vancouver Main, Vancouver BC V6B 4E2. (Please do not send an original document).

Submitted documents will be used only to confirm identity. Once received, they will be verified and destroyed.

We require documentation within 30 days of the date of this email to complete your registration. After 30 days your registration will be rejected. If you have any questions, please contact us via email at

Thank you for registering for a $25 Loblaw Card.


Program Administrator

So, I replied ….
I just sent it to you twice already today! !!! It took you six months to ask for this? ??

I’ll send it AGAIN. Three times now in one day you’ve asked me for it. Yet it took you over six months to ask. And why me? I know about ten people who applied a month ago and already received it. None of which were asked to supply anything.
They applied FIVE MONTHS after I did and already received the card.
Is there a reason you think me, a 61 year old disabled crippled man is commiting fraud, but the youngkids across the hall from me applied the very last day and already got one?
I’m offended that out if so many people I know I’m the only one who has waited since February and now you think a disabled senior citizen is commiting fraud?
I’m dumbfounded by such prejudice.
Not too mention I shop at your store – which is right next door to my building for the last twenty some years EVERYDAY.
Here, for the third today – as requested is the proof that I’m not a fraud artist. I’ve sent it three times by email and twice now via the link.
If you think I am a senior citizen who goes around commiting crime I’m fine with that
Just say so.
Cause frankly, I’m quite insulted that today alone you have accused me 3 times. And for some reason you keep asking for the proof.
What? The first three or four times you think I’ve forged or something.
And you never answered my questions in my previous emails.
Why do you think I am committing fraud?
And most of all why did it take you six months to accuse just me out of many people in my building who waited a few weeks and never got accused of being a crook.
I answered your questions.
Disgusted and offended ;
Daniel A. VERNER
Which they replied on July 13, 2018 …..

Dear Daniel,

Thank you for your email. Your document has been received and will be reviewed. We will contact you if we need any additional information is needed. You may continue to monitor your registration status at the following path:

There are various triggers that might lead our administrators to ask for ID, like large numbers of registrations from a single address, multiple requests under a single or similar name, irregularities in a registration, and many others. We want to get money in the hands of our customers quickly. But, we want to make sure it’s actually landing in their hands.

This is part of the standard approach of administering a program like this one, which is why the registration form indicates that ID may be requested in some cases.


Program Administrator


Here is the email content I sent them today …
“So, it’s been over seven months since I applied for your rebate card.

My claim number is WCB*****0
I wrote a few times now.
Received vague answers.
More or less got accused Iof attempted fraud. Three times you made me submit proof I wasn’t a liar.
I was actually one of the first to apply as I applied the very first day you announced the plan.
I’ve seen numerous young people receive their cards.
Which leads me to believe Loblaws only thinks elderly people are liars.
I’m writing CBC and CTV and forwarding all the emails and info I have received from this site since February 16, 2018.
As I stated the THIRD time you requested proof of address from me, I am offended that Loblaws has blatantly singled me out and has had seven months to send the card.
I’ll also start a Facebook page to inquire how many other seniors have not received these cards.
Perhaps it was just a few who received cards just to stop the public and media outcry for the price fixing scam you were part of?
Let’s see what the public’s verdict is.
Like my grandmother once said to me, “Once dishonest, always dishonest”.
I’ll be honest enough to send you the various links to the blogs and inquiries I am initiating today.
Dan Verner, “
Leaves me to wonder if they are scamming the public by just sending out a few cards so as to avoid a class action law suit.
So, I ask you Loblaws, “Are you yet again scamming your customers like you have already by price fixing the bread products? What over scams could you be running on the very people who make your stores exist???
Leaves me wondering what Theodore Loblaw and John Cork would think of this fiasco ……