Dying Dann’s Adventures With Death #2 Frack Cancer!

It is 2 in the morning. I keep waking to scratch my self. Morphine itches. Side effect of living a life without pain.

I have had to up my opiod intake to fight the pain.

My neck is swelling. Not good at all.

Unlike my face, hands and feet this swelling does not go away. (My goatee has been doing a good job hiding it, though.)

To many I appear healthier. That is the bloating making me appear fat faced. An illusion.

I am at the worst stage I have had to deal with. I do not feel well at all.
There are numerous things I can no longer do. A flight of stairs is a challenge. Carry groceries home is no longer possible.
The neck swelling seems to be accelerating. Almost flush with the tip of my chin.
Which scares me. A couple of months ago I was more than willing to ascend.

Not now. I want to live.
No if’s, and’s or but’s.
I have to go on.
My wife, my sons and my pups need me.

I need them.

You can see the shape and massiveness of the tumor at the base of my tongue. Much larger than the camera made it appear as.

I can feel my airway getting a little smaller each day. A true cause for concern.

Soon people will notice my swollen throat. It is getting too big to hide.

Hence, this blog.

They will ask, “Is your cancer back?”

“It never left.” I will reply.

And cancer takes another of my dearest friends.

I lost another very dear friend today. Callng her “friend” does not honour her enough. She is/was my “sister.”

Over 40 years of knowing and loving each other. I would never have met my beautiful wife if not for Dawn Thomas (Doncaster).

Cancer finally won. She battled it three times in the past few years. She fought like a true Urban Viking.

I am outliving all my childhood and lifelong friends and relatives. That is not an easy experience.

The older I get the more sorrow I bear.

Some is our age. Some is not.

It is a heavy yoke of sorrow I wear.

Am I outliving all these Blessed souls as a form of penence?

Or is my mind making a mountain out of a molehill?

This ancient LightHouse is feeling old.

Dying Dann’s Adventures With Death

Life is full of surprises

Life is surprising

How many times must I add another volume to my autobiography?

At the time I wrote my “Walk With Dann Collection” I had not expected to live much longer.

My kidneys were a mess.

My congestive heart disease was at stage 4.

Things were not looking well for me.

Then I got diagnosed with the non treatable cancers.

So I wrote “Old Man With The ‘C’ – A Cancerous Walk With Dann”.

At the time believing my story had come to an end.

The cancer diagnoses led to me writing Old Man With The ‘C’ – a C Walk With Dann”.

After a horrible 15 month battle I thought once again my life was over.

As did all my various doctors.

We were wrong.

I did die twice through the battle, but alas, the Viking within me refused to lay down.

My Cancer team at Princess Margaret Cancer Centre are baffled that I live still.

They use words like “miracle”.

All I know is now I am writing another volume detailing the life and times of The Last Canadian Cosmonaut.

And I will continue writing this, my newest adventure, “Dying Dann’s Adventures.”

Give thanks for the life you have been given. Things can change in a flash.

Until next time, I remain, Dann – just as I am.

A Room To Die For

Since I began my cancer battle on October 22, 2018, my life has been trapped in a chaotic circle of good and bad.
By far the worse of everything that has happened to me was becoming homeless.
33 and a half weeks in and out of the hospital last year did not help.

With great thanks to my Brother-in-arms, Gordie Jones, my Brother-from-another-mother, I was Blessed to obtain a room in the same house as him.

It is not too often you can find a clean, well maintained rooming house anywhere. I have thanks to Gordie.

God Bless him.

This house is QUIET. This house is CLEAN.

This house is now my home.

It will be my last home. For never shall I allow myself to fall victim to homelessness again.

What pleases me the most about the whole scenario is the mixture of souls we have living here in peace and respect for each others Faith and Cultures.

We have myself – a fifth generation Canadian born Irish Catholic. As is Gordie.
Then we have an Aboriginal woman – very much into her Culture. A very pleasent soul.
Three Muslims who are well educated and very grateful to be Canadians.

It is much like we have our own little micro-country. And I LOVE IT!

In this time of racial tensions and bigotry it is a pleasure to have such a place to lay my head.

Once you enter this dwelling all religion, all racism, all ignorance and all disrespect remain outside.

So, if the lot of us can co-exist even while in lock-down due to the Covid pandemic, why can’t the whole world follow suite?

Think about it.

Old Man With The ‘C’

With every one hunkered down due to the Covid 19 pandemic I figured we all have time to read.

I am having a FREE eBook giveaway of my “Old Man With the ‘C’ – A Cancerous Walk With Dann’ which shows my 15 month battle with my non treatable Squamous Cell Carcinoma.

All proceeds of the paperback and eBook format go to Princess Margaret Cancer Centre.

We all have time to read, so help support a starving author.

To save you all money I did a second edition of my fictional series “Walking On Dawes Collection” and made a 3 books in 1.

I also have done this with my autobiographical series “Walk With Dann Collection”. All 4 books in one. e

I am writing my son’s, Jordan, biography. On Christmas morning 2019 he ended his short 29 years of life and his story must be told.

I hope to have it published by the end of the month. It is titled, “Black Diamond”.

I also have 3 fictional books I am working on,
“Eye” – a collection of short stories.

“Ponderings” – a collection of randomness and opinions

And I am almost done my fictional volume, “That’s My Good Eye, Jimi” – a story of 4 Irish Canadian lads growing up in the South End of Saint John, New Brunswick, Canada.

Clips

There is always a bright side to every dark side.

Life is like a series of storms – some small others big.

All you have to remember is that no matter what kind of storm it is……

Be it a tired mature body depressed in a corner.

Or perhaps it could be a Blessing of some Healing Light.

The Darkness will creep in through pathways created from your fear, depression and/or anxiety.

No matter how Dark your thoughts

REACH OUT TO SOMEONE

REMEMBER IT IS ALWAYS
SUNNY ABOVE THE CLOUDS.

That is why we “soar upwards towards the Heavens.”

It is why I am “LightHouse“.

Shining my beacon of Light to those of need. Even though I am in desporate need myself.

Being homeless again

I live a Light Keepers life. Solitary man in a crowded room with a false smile and little hope

The kind soul masking their physical and emotional pain so as they can put a smile on a needed face.

I have, at times, put my pain aside so as I could assist others. Many times actually.

We need to teach our youth that the pen, the almighty keyboard and the glorious internet are weapons of mass social change.

That violence needs to take a break. It shall never be fully gone. It is a genetic survival type of thing

This is a modern time and a time like no other. It is a desprate time for mankind for we are declining into global chaos and all parties involved are feeding the fire.

The world wide insanity of these past few years has turned the logical way of life. upsidedown.

Children – young children – no longer have morning Prayer but they can sit at the age of 5 or 6 and learn about gender this or that.

A time of man where you can go to jail for touching your first breast 42 years prior.

A time to fight our neighbours in debates.

Not in the sewers of our infrastructure.

The suicide rates are climbing rapidly in Canada.

Our First Nation’s children live in dispair and poverty of a third world nation.

They have been plagued with suicides of many of their youth. Some the tender age of 10 or 11.

Why?

I wish I knew the answer because Christmas Morning 2019 my 29 year old son hung himself.

Suicide only makes you think it is truly the only answer. The damage and pain it causes is far, far lasting and will bring a lifelong agony for loved ones and friends.

I am speaking first hand here. I fight the suicide demon daily.

Isolating can only give the Dark thoughts free reign of very ability to see due to your choice to hide.

We are on our 5th generation of “Babies having babies.

Suicide rates are rising world wide.

There are many little electrical trucks driving, floating in our heads; that work together collectively as a unit, thus giving us the ability to be constantly connected to our internal computer and the processing knowledge.

Problem being we have filled it with many misleading false forms of information.

It is instinct. Instinct that also is struggling for survival itself.

They no longer teach cursive writing.

Nor home econmics.

Adult society is nerve racking on the best of days, but, it also is not being taught to our youth. One might think it would be wise to “prepare” them for “adulthood“.

Just a thought. ……………

Our technology has us held hostage.

Forever chasing the next “g” highspeed internet connection.

Like an old vigina pirate chasing the g-string in the strippers club.

And most of these generations will be swallowed up.

Spending their lives trying to get off “Welfare” and on to the higher paying “Ontario Disibility Support Program“.

Forever to follow the ass in front of them as a good SHEEPLE should.

Living the learned “Sheeple” attitude.

Forever dancing to the beat of an unknown drummer.

Obeying a triblistic hypnotic brain washing.

Every one is rushing to the next thing they will rush from.

Not often are they willing to Uber their asses home and prepare meal as family.

A meal made with love.

To sit at the table with no electronics and eat, drink and be merry with your closest loved ones. A Blessing of life with each childs smile.

A way to slowly re- install family values and teach them to take ownership of their rights and their wrongs. To teach them the value of communication.

The greatest joy to is to realize family is number one.

By the end of washing the dishes after such a fine sit down meal you will feel a special moment that your brain will file away in the recess of your mind till need be it requested.

A “Kodak Moment” as they say in my age.

The end result of what society has changed is a family structure that has been disolving into a cesspool of five consectutive “lost generations”

Of babies raising babies and we have allowed it.

As seen a few times in recorded history, when the human population grows to the extent it will deplete Earth’s resources, an event of mass destruction will happen.

“Hello Corona Virus 2020!

Could be a flood from the completely melted pole caps.

Or. …..

Hopefully it is a gigantic solar flare that disrupts our digital world and then society will see first hand how greatly we have NOT raised our youth.

My life has been a year and few months of fighting my non treatable cancer and burying a loved one almost every two weeks.

And my baby hangs himself.

After hours talking to me from Alberta to home here in Toronto.

He assured me all was good.

He was sober and we talked about shows and sci fi.

He was fine. Till he did it.

You cannot lay blame on someone for a suicide.

The only one to blame is the person who made the wrong choice.

Like my eldest brother or my best friend.

Both by hanging.

I have a somewhat type of closure since we had Jordan’s Celebration of Life.

Suicide takes not only the life of the victim, but also of your truly loved ones.

Suicide kills families.

Even if you think your anxiety or whatever affliction you have been burdened with is insignificant, Reach out – frack being nervous or afraid.

Reach out to whoever you must.

To box it all in is a definite mistake big time.

Do not give the Darkness of your life the opportunity to cloud your logical side.

Soar above that and reach out for help.

Living Angels are in many places.

With many faces.

When you need yours they will come.

The losing of your child, no matter what their age, cannot be compared to any other pains.

I will leave you now in Hope and in my Prayers. If you are having serious depression or anxiety or just need an ear and a shoulder,

REACH OUT REACH OUT.

SOAR ABOVE THE STORM CLOUDS.

FOR IT IS ALWAYS A SUNNY GLORIOUS DAY ABOVE AND STORMY CLOUD

So sayeth LightHouse Dann Verner.

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