NOW YOU KNOW

Stress is killing me. Literally.

Those who know me understand why I say this.

Medically, since November 11th, 2016,  I have battled through nine kidney surgical procedures. Including one that became infected and resulted with damaging my heart.

My first Laparoscopic Surgery

My heart has been iffy since an electrical accident in 1989, whereas I suffered electrocution resulting in a major heart attack.

For eighteen months I suffered with pericarditis.

Then came 1999. The most tragic year of my life.

During the month of February I noticed that with every step I took I felt a “shock” up my spine.

On March the fourth it became so severe I attended the emergency department at my local hospital.

March the fifth I was in surgery having my C2, C3, c5 and C6 dissected. 

They used bone from my hip and Titanium Semple plates to re-build my neck.

I was five foot nine before the surgery and five foot seven after.

I passed away during the operation.

After a forty eight minute battle and the Blessed hands of Dr. Tek Soo I was, thankfully, revived. 

This was the first of my ‘seven‘ deaths over the coming years.

The doctors were amazed that four hours after the seventeen hour operation I was up and walking.

That was a Friday. 

Monday morning I was sitting at MY kitchen table having Morphine and coffee.

All the surgical team stated it was a miracle.

This contributed to my life falling to ruin. 

Before the surgery I was a very well paid electrician making well over a hundred and twenty thousand per year.

After, I was on disability making a year what I once made per month.

To shorten this part of the story, let me just say that by 2004 I lost my wife of thirty two years.

I was consuming, via a pain management doctor, Fentanyl patches, combined with Oxycontin and Morphine. 

I was an unwilling “Junkie“.

On August 22nd, 2002 I committed suicide. 

(Read about this in “I COMMITTED SUICIDE ONCE” … lighthousedannverner.wordpress.com)

That was death number two. 

I spent two weeks on life support.

After six years I quit all opiates, cold turkey, against medical advice.

I suffered yet another heart attack and dropped dead for a third time.

Once again waking up after many days on life support.

The only Blessing I received throughout all of this was the gift of my youngest son, Dakota. 

Dakota’s birth gave me reason to fight for life. 

Dakota

During death number four I was “INSTRUCTED” to return to the living as he needed me.

I was dropping dead so often that no family member would jokingly say to me, “Drop dead”. Cause I may just have. Joking or not.

I would die three more times during the next few years. The worst leaving me on life support for a very long six weeks.

I authored a few blogs concerning my journey to death and back.

Justified to say my stress has gradually built every since. Like an invisible cancer growing, festering within me.

I have three boys from my wife.

Randy is nine years older than Jordan who is thirteen years older than Dakota. Thus, Dakota’s oldest brother is twenty-two years older than him. Quite the age gap.

Dann, Jordan,  Randy

So, suffice to say that since that fateful day on March fifth, 1999, my life has been one stressor after another.

Now we are here in late August 2017.

Earlier this year, due to a severe mess up of my pension cheque, we lost our home.

Our lives have been a turmoil ever since.

If not for the kindness of friends, we would literally be living on the streets. LITERALLY!

Everyday is a constant struggle and each day I grow more desperate.

The greatest difficulty being how do I pay my way living in a friends home with my child and two loving sister pups, while also trying to feed us and, worst of all, save first and lasts month rent for a new home?

Pringles, Dann, Ruffles

With an income barely more than one thousand per month?

It is appearing as an impossibility.

I ask my beautiful Irish Guardian Angel, Sheena Eve, constantly to guide me to the proper path.

Sheena Eve

I seek consolation and reconciliation from my FAITH in YAHUWAH and the Blessings of my Natsarim beliefs.

Yet, my health is dwindling as I approach my sixtieth birthday this coming October the fifth. A day I pray I am Blessed enough to see.

We cannot continue to tax our friendships by overstaying in their homes. 

Dakota begins high school in two weeks and there once again lays more financial burden upon my aged weakened shoulders.

Dakota and my dogs need and deserve a home. But, I am lost as to how to obtain the necessary funds to secure such.

Blessed I am to have such loving friends who I am sure will be glad when we depart their humble abode. For without them only the Creator knows where we would have been.

Unfortunately, there lays no agencies to assist me in this terrible plight.

My family is not in the position to help.

I have been on my own since the age of twelve and my life has many stories. Some happy – most sad.

I try to stay positive and take solace in prayer.

Alas, most days I fight the demonic thoughts of depression and battle the urge to just lay down upon the floor and give into the darkness………

But, I am “LightHouse Dann Verner”  – a watchman in a modern day LightHouse. It would be a hypocrisy to fall into the darkness.

SO, I REMAIN, DANN – JUST AS I AM.

HOMELESS – SLEEPING ON THE FLOOR AND PRAYING FOR MY OWN DOOR.


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Posted in Dann Verner, health & wellness, life, love, society, spiritual, surgery, youth | Tagged , , , , , , | 1 Comment

REFLECTIONS OF SCARBOROUGH 

As I sit here on this sunny Sunday gazing out at my beloved Scarborough – that East Side slab of the Greater Toronto Area, I ponder. 

The GTA is famous for having as many trees as people. 

Below is a few pictures of the average view from any point in this marvelous city within a city.

As you can see, it’s a concrete jungle with a  green laced frock.

People  forget to look around at times. 

Walking their paths with their mind on their money and money on their mind. 

Heads forcibly bent down waiting for the next electronic message.

Blinded by the hustle and bustle of modern day survival. 

Prisoners of busy lifestyle and the constant worry of “How will I make it till cheque day”.

This saddens me. 

I am a victim, also. Many days I sit on the balcony oblivious to the trees, the birds and even the squirrels dancing to and fro.

Do the others hear the constant wail of sirens? I do. Each one bothers me as I am prejudiced into automatically believing,  “There was another shooting.”

And that is very sad, to instinctively think such.

I often try not to think so, but when you see the gang task force police vehicles racing ahead of the ambulances to block off the intersections so as the victim can possibly  get to the trauma centre in time, well, you realize trees are deceiving. 

I wish we had more trees so maybe my heart wouldn’t ache as much.

But, we do not and even if we did, I would still know the truth.

I have below a prime example of the attitude of many. 

I made this photo after seeing a t-shirt with the saying upon it. 

Unfortunately,  this is the attitude of many who would rather use humour to mask reality.
Sick or “dark” humour seems to have become the most common day coping mechanism.

What agitated me to no end is how the gangs are growing. How more and more are appearing. 

Used to be safe for me to send my fourteen year old son out at night to the store in the plaza across the street.

I do not do that anymore.  Even though the whole city knows “He is the son of Unkz”.

I go myself because even though I walk through the valley of danger, I fear no evil for I walk with Yahuwah and I have no fear of that I helped create. 

As soon as the Sun sets the plaza becomes Little Syria. The parking lot fills with fancy “Fast & Furious” knock-off cars. The noise levels rise and the punks gather.

It is a very heavy load to bear knowing that my decades of bad life choices assisted in adding to the gangs goals and the shadowy meanderings thusly wrought. 

I, and my acquaintances, were/are what hides behind the trees.

But, I hide no more. I now sit above the trees and gaze down, with tears in my eyes, at what society has become.

We all know that soon our Sodom and Gomorrah lifestyles are going to be cleansed.

Not by man and his violence.

It shall be Mother Nature or Yahuah or The Cosmic Muffin or whomever you believe your creator to be.

It will not be the “End of the Earth”. It shall be “The End of Days” – “The Supper of the Lambs”.

It will be when ONCE AGAIN the human population will be dealt a mighty blow and technology will fail.

And as has happened many times over many millennia,  society will return to the basics of living off the land and depending on each other.

A time for healing. A time for reflections. A time for appreciation of the gifts YAHUSHA has allowed us.

And the beautiful trees will then hide our “PRIDE” not our “SHAME”.

And life will go onward AGAIN. HOPEFULLY THIS TIME SOCIETY WILL LEARN …..

Until then, I remain, Dann – just as I am. 

A modern day Natsarim – a LightHouse beacon for all to see The Light.

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