Sometimes It Is Hard Not To Be “Hard”

In less then two weeks I shall reach the young age of fifty-five – five point five decades of wandering through the mist of life. Of strolling over and beyond the mountains of experiences and existence within the realms of these so-called ‘modern’ times.

In many ways I am glad that my lives have been so hard. They started on October fifth, 1957 when I was born a ‘blue’ baby under a blue moon to parents too young to comprehend what my path through life would entail.

Baby Dann 1958

For those who are in the know, these were days of confusion. Rock and roll had just been born, most males were either emulating Elvis Presley, Johnny Cash or James Dean. My father was a Cash man. My mother was James Dean.

I did not stand a chance.

At six months my mother decided that because I resembled ‘Al Capone’ I was going to be too hard to handle and thus abandoned me. With my older siblings in tow she gathered all that she could and escaped my father and I to the wilds of Regent Park, Toronto.

I can only imagine the look upon my father’s face when he discovered me alone in a completely empty house. He would try his best to raise me, but, he would fail. The blame was not upon him. It laid in the confounds of an accelerated society – the times were changing and  with him being but a mere youth himself, failure was eminent.

The next ten years of my life are lost to me. Blanked out by the violence and loneliness of the many relatives and foster homes I was to be shuffled from.

I turned ten years old in 1967 – Canada’s Centennial Year . Led Zeppelin, Beatles, Stones, Bob Dylan were set fixtures on the radio. Drugs had begun their evil creep into the “norm”. Free love and hippies were emerging into the shocked society of Catholics and country bumpkins.

I was doomed.

I discovered heroin at this tender age – or did it discover me?  I knew how to mix a hit and shoot up before I knew how to get an erection. Add a little LSD to this mix and “Shakie Dann Verner” was birthed.

The city was doomed – he was loose.

By twelve I was dancing on the streets to the rhythm of CCR’s “Down On The Corner”. Willy and the Poor Boys weren’t really there – it was just a mind hallucination. My friends were beyond my years. Most in their twenties. All wearing vests with patches of Coats of Arms – pledging alliance to Anarchy and her brother Chaos. Shake was oblivious to the fact that these ‘older’ friends were using him as a tool to achieve the ends of their means.

One day I bought a few guns – with bullets to match.

Society was doomed.

Aerosmith should have wrote a song entitled “Shakie Has A Gun” (the whole worlds come undone).

Southern New Brunswick was doomed.

The Provincial Jail reserved a cell for my weekly visits. The room service was fantastic – free shampoo for my knee length hair, hand soap for my dangerous hands. Toilet paper for my obnoxious ass and in one corner of my room – a bed!!!! Didn’t have them in King Square park!

As my dependency grew in volume so did my violence. Mother Heroin had no concept of her cost. My neighbors did – as their belongings began to disappear – as their wallets were emptied by a John Lennon look-a-like terrorist.

I hurt people. Never hurt an animal, though. One good thing in the life of a misguided bikers patsy. The older dudes knew I was vulnerable, a tool for their amusement. Get Shake to shoot them – get Shake to beat them – get Shake to rob them.

And Shake did.

And one day in 1972 Judge Harrigan said, “Shake, I have a better home for you.” And I cried. The new hotel had strict rules, apparently I could not leave for years. Till I was no longer a threat to their society. Till I had learned that dancing with the devil was something I should not do. BUT, was I dancing with him or was Lucifer dancing with me?

Shake was doomed.

Shake noticed that none of his friends were there with him or offering up support.

To shorten the tale be it suffice to say that Shake stayed back home and Dann moved to Toronto.

For a few years Shake would surface from time to time and scare Dann straight again. (He still shows up occasionally). Dann had a few close calls – knocked a police officer out for calling my friend the “N” word, a few bar fights that never should have happened.

BUT, a hard life is what I was best at. Survival of the sickest ? The fittest? The loneliest? Nah, it was just survival.


!981 came along bringing children into Dann’s realm. Dann changed. The city changed. The world changed. Dann worked, Dann played and Dann discovered that love was more then just an illusion.

The hardships never stopped.

Dann was not doomed.

Dann struggled with his demons and those of the people in his realm. Dann still struggles. Dann has it very hard.

Dann still has children.

Dann does what he must to assure his children, his friends, his neighbours and people in general do not have to live the hard life he has.

At fifty-five Dann has a deceased child who would have been forty years old now, a full grown son of 31, another who is 22 and a special gift of one nine year old son. Dann is joyed by this.

Dann’s sons have it hard.

Dann’s sons are not doomed.

Dann has suffered many trials and tribulations – seven times dead – twice divorced from unfaithful drug addicted ladies. Knocked down by injuries at forty-two. Two times wrestled with The Big C. A walking relapse many times to the world of chemical addictions.

Everyday has pressures, everyday has hardship, everyday Dann appreciates the rising of the sun and the settling of the moon.

Dann’s not doomed.

Dann gets lonely. To quote Jedi Mind Tricks, “To live alone one must be an animal or a God”.

Dann is one of God’s animals.

Dann thanks the Creators daily that they chose him to walk the paths he has. Dann would rather it was him then some other poor soul.

Dann says:


LightHouse Dann

I COMMITTED SUICIDE ONCE (originally published July 2008)

With all this talk about suicides I totally forgot that I had committed suicide in August 2006 – not attempted , but literally killed myself – thank the Creators for allowing the Paramedics to bring me back to this reality…anyways here is the original blog

I was born in the year of the ‘rooster’ on a ‘blue moon’ and just happened to be a ‘blue baby’. What a mind fart that is.

Perhaps this is where my eccentricities arise from..also my ‘Third Eye Sightedness’. Unlike the ever famous ‘box of chocolates’ my life has been a ‘bar of toffee’ – hard to chew, but delicious till the end.

My latest venture into Transcendental Meditation has acknowledged within my “Light” that I should focus more on “Wisdom’s of Life” and such.

I have had so numerous life lessons in my half a century upon this universal plain of space and time. I have learned that, for instance:…

The first thing to remember in this space and time is:

“Peace is more then a mere verbal utterance, more then a concept devised by four British Lads, one Ravi Shankar, and Bob Dylan having a beer at their local pub.”

“All purposes have a meaning and all meanings have a purpose”

“If you kick your dog the cat will bite you”

“If the mirror is the camera of our souls, our Id’s, our Karma or our “real” self, then, when gazed upon, one’s mind set should be that which is willing to accept that which will be revealed.”

“To wallow in pain, self-pity, despair and most of all ‘darkness’ would and is a dreadful mistake of reasoning and must be avoided in order to achieve inner peace and overstanding of that which is the complications of living.”

“The choices we make in the past affect and effect the present and definitely shape and mold where our future can and may take place.”

“God, The AtomicMother, Cosmic Muffin or whoever you perceive as our Creator is our landlord and Earth is just our rental unit. It is our duty to keep the property in the same condition as it was when we signed the lease. Please respect the other tenants and clean up after yourself, keep the noise down and pets are welcome.”

From over ten thousand conversations with total strangers and listening to not only their words, but their hearts, their own unique Karma’s and enjoying the energy given off by their singularly isolated Aura’s – sharing their “LIGHT” I have acquired the “Wisdom’s of Age” – and by having been blessed with such by the AtomicMother, herself, I must use this knowledge to spread my LIGHT and pass on the energies contained within the beacon of my Universal LightHouse.

And I shall continue to drive this train and reach my final destination……

“So shall we all!”

We live our life lessons in many ways. The strongest being the mental inner-self struggles. The secondary would be the family value struggle lived through the pubescence years and the third being the actually physically lived daily battles with humanistic society.

My daily battles, (and believe me I have lived through far more then your average hippy), have treasured me with gifts that no real words can describe.

Having died seven times and been allowed to return, LITERALLY, from the “Dead”, opened a whole overstanding of life, religion, mankind and the so-called ‘animals’ we share this planet with. There is a “CREATOR” of sorts, there are other “PLAINS”of space/time continuum’s.

“How else could we have a past and live in the present and also mold our future?”

This could never be realized into everyday life for, then, the mere purpose of life existing would be meaningless. Like buying yourself a birthday gift and wrapping it, then when you open it there lay no surprise.

During my ‘deaths’ I had “choices”, just as we all have in life, I had seven paths to choose from, this happened seven times. There was a voice, no rather a “PRESENCE” that just communicated without verbal utterances – like transferring knowledge to your computer from a thumbdrive.

There was no ‘Guiding Angel’ as portrayed in cult based religious artifacts. There was past true friends and my departed Mother who was murdered in 1981. They were not “there” in the physical sense we have here in our space/time, they were just “there” in that space/time continuum, I knew it but I cannot, once again, explain it in language.

Energy, Light, Existence equals life/death in my book.

The just ‘being’ there, on a knoll, surrounded by the seven paths of existence allowed me to overstand that there was a so-called “HADES”. The presence of also knowing that certain paths would lead to our imagined ideals of a “HEAVEN” alleviated the fear of burning in an inferno of disparity and suffering. I chose from my life energy, it is very difficult to put into mere words. We are only ‘energies’ formed into an adaptable form to share our existence with all the other life forms in our space/time continuum’s.

This happened in all seven deaths, even number three which was a suicide. Not that I am proud of this fact, but I am the only person I know that can say, “I committed suicide once”

So, in closing this “Walk With Dann” I leave you with this thought:

“If my “Light” still burns bright from within my “LightHouse” after my puny little struggles, then so should your own burn as brightly”


To repeat a past message to my Northern LightHouse:

A special message for my most blessed “Northern LightHouse”, your enchantment is still swirling within my aura……I miss your physical presence but I walk by your side. Fear not for all is well with the exception of my humanside missing your physical and most beautiful presence. After all, is not “V” for “Victory”???

Shine on and PEACE to you, yours and and all who should come “Walk With Dann”. I’ll have my shoes off – waiting.

Until then, I am Dann, just as I am.


Following is a previous blog regarding the Amanda Todd Tragedy …..

Today, March 16, 2017  –  five years after her tragic death,  a Dutch judge sentenced one of her tormentors to eleven years in prison and he still awaits trial here in Canada.

I pray he gets another eleven years. 

Here is a link to the Global News article concerning the Dutch sentence  ….. 

I offer my sincere condolences to the Todd Family and I pray that they have somehow been able to go forward in their lives without the torture such an incident can burden us with ..

This is a very sad picture of what social media and cyber bullying and our schools have become.

Being on this planet for five and a half decades now, I shall never understand what is happening to our society. We let our children dress like adults, sex is meaningless, friendships are disposable, morals are nearly non-existent, schools can no longer teach right and wrong, family life has been distracted by texting and video games, parents cannot discipline their own children in fear of losing them.

I pass by a high school four times each day and I see 13 year old girls wearing less clothing then your average stripper. I see huddles of youth smoking pot right outside the school. I am sad – sad for my sons generations and what they will experience as adults.

Did it start when teachers and parents lost their power to discipline? Or was it when we allowed the inmates to run the asylum? Maybe it was when we discarded the dining room table and replaced it with eating in front of the television? I am sad – sad for where the world is headed.

I pray Amanda is in a far better place and those who drove her to this shall feel the wrath of the Creators.

Share this – talk about this – BUT MOST OF ALL STAND UP AND SPEAK WHEN YOU SEE BULLYING> Please for all our sakes………… I have to go wipe these tears


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