Tag Archives: Angels

Cuatro en La Mañana Pensamientos Profundos

Mi alma gemela está fuera para una mini-excursión para limpiar su hermosa mente de su madre y yo luchando contra el cáncer en etapa 4 tardía.

Es desgarrador verla sufriendo mi dolor.

Antes de que ella incluso saliera de Toronto, tuve ese nudo retorcido de soledad que agarró mis testículos.

Sé muy bien que pronto estará en casa, pero “el corazón es un cazador solitario”.

Lo mío está en una nube solitaria de Apreciación y Amor.

PORQUE ME AMO Y APRECIO A MÁS ALLÁ DE CUALQUIER PALABRA QUE AUTOR AQUÍ.

Ella sabe el peso de mi Devoción y cada onza singular de amor verdadero que llevo por ella.

No hay duda si eso. Esperaré su regreso con el corazón bien abierto y los brazos levantados en Alabado sea Dios.

Porque el Señor Salvador me bendijo con el privilegio de amarla.

Y lo hago La amo inmensamente y 100% veraz.

…………………………………………………………….

My soul mate is away for a mini-excursion to clear her beautiful mind from her Mother and I both battling late stage 4 cancer.

It is heartbreaking to see her suffering my pain.

Before she even flew out of Toronto I had that twisted knot of loneliness grab my testicles.

I know darn well that she will soon be home, but the “heart is a lonely hunter”.

Mine lays in a solitary cloud of Appreciation and Love.

FOR I DO LOVE AND APPRECIATE HER BEYOND ANY WORDS I AUTHOR HERE.

She knows the weight of my Devotion and each singular ounce of true love I carry for her.

There is no doubt if that. I will await her return with my heart wide open and my arms raised in Praise God. For the Lord Savior Blessed me with the privilege of loving her.

And I do. I love her immensely and 100% truthfulness.

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I Am Scared

Was all excited yesterday when I heard I was soon to go home, (Thursday), then an hour later, BAM!!!

I was a completely different person.

Very ill, extremely lathargic, dizzy, confused and in pain beyond comprehension.

I slept from one in the afternoon yesterday till 6 this morning. How does anyone sleep 17 hours?

Doctors are increasing my Fentanyl to 75 milligrams. “To make me comfortable ” was their words. I have found in the past that when doctors say such things to patients with terminal illnesses, what they really mean is they won’t let you die in pain.

I am not being paranoid. I was told from the get go that my chances of survival were slim. For 2 months I have heard everyday how everyone is amazed I have “made it” this far. Add in the constant use of words like make me comfortable, use as much pain medication as I feel I need, and then there are the constant “team meetings”.

And yesterday they asked how I felt about going into a hospice. No one walks out of a hospice.

All this makes you think the worse.

I have asked for a case conference later today because if what I suspect is true just send me home to be with my dogs.

But, I won’t know for sure until they all get at the same table and tell me. It’s hard when there are so many professionals involved. 2 regular oncologists, 2 radiation oncologists, 1 ENT surgeon, a whole team of pain palative care and five or six others from dieticians, physio and psychology.

Until then all I can do is pray and pray I will.

D-day 4 Dann

I have cancer on my mind.

Literally ….. true story.

As I previously wrote, I have been diagnosed with ‘oropharyngeal cancer’ in the neck and my cranium.

Which has migrated into my skull proper.

Hence soon, if not already, ‘brain cancer‘.

So,

Deja Vu.

Once again it’s 4:20AM and here I sit, awake. Day 4 without sleep.

The physical pain is insane.

Yet, my broken ‘heart’ & ‘spirit’ are far worse.

I cried all last night over a personal matter and the stress of waiting for the upcoming news.

And, Deja Vu.

Here I sit crying like a pussy once again.

The second night in a row.

Mostly over the personal matter of learning that I am being perceived as ‘dishonest’ and a liar regarding my vows of love & of friendship.

I am or have been a murderer, a robber, a gangster, a thief and an idiot.

BUT a dishonest lover I am not, nor could I ever be.

I was self-raised on these streets since the age of 12.

I learned young that your ‘Love’ for your partner MUST be true and definitely sincere. You cannot say that you love someone and then cheat or lie to them.

I take pride in my loyalty, my love, my devotion and most of all my ‘HONESTY’. These are the cornerstones of any couple.

Anyone who knows me well knows I am not dishonest. I do not, have not, nor would I ever ‘cheat’.

I know the pain that inflicts all too well.

I am not dishonest in love.

I don’t lie about my emotions.

Nor would I play with the heart of anyone – friend or foe.

Who would want to claim a false love as real love” ?

No soul has the right to do such an evil thing. No person should ever damage another person in such a sadistic manner.

Many people contort the definition of “love”.

I learned very young that if you say something it should be sincere and honest.

I love my ‘Queen’.

The love I have for her cannot be shared with anyone else. I have given her all my heart. As you are supposed to when you swear your love.

She is my true soul mate, my lover, she’s my best friend. She is “mi Corazon“.

And one Corazon is all you get.

I have many friends.

The majority being females. Guys are idiots. My circle is a triangle.

I tell them both, male or female, that I love them all the time. I do love them. They are my friends.

But, not the way I “love” mi Corazon.

Definitely not in a sexual way.

It is not that type of “love”. It’s the love you show a ‘true friend’.

A completely different type of love.

Secondly,

My tears also have been falling as I am coming to the realization that I may have to face that ‘final‘ ….

Walk With Dann” .

That torturous, downward spiral of pain ending in the horrific death of cancer eating my brain like an invisible zombie.

61 years of hurt I endured so far.

The majority via a broken heart. Time after time. Over and over.

I don’t fear loving just because I have been a victim of dishonesty.

You cannot punish your future for what your past ‘has’ done. (Key word being ‘HAS’).

I am tired. Very, very tired.

Not sure if I should try to battle this battle or succumb to the depression and sadness perched upon my shoulders.

Death would be so relaxing. I know first hand.

You can’t cry over being perceived as a dishonest person when you are dead.

For to live and share your honest, deepest feelings to people who do not believe a word you speak is a real ‘Hell’.

Read my ‘Walk With Dann Collection’. I explain how your perception of ‘Heaven & Helheim’ are not as you are taught or even perceive them to be.

I am tired of adult life.

I am very, very, very tired.

And now it is D DAY 4 Dann

Later today I will receive either the worse news anyone would wish to hear,

or, perhaps the medium bad news stating a long list of parts to be removed,

or, good news saying that they can remove all the cancer and I shall live lonely ever after.

Yahoo!!!!!!

Good news for some people … not so much me.

I am tired.

Very tired.

I am all alone in a crowded room.

That room called ‘life‘.

And I am tired.

As we say in Nazarim, “Hineni”

“I’m ready my Lord”.

Life‘ number 8 was far more painful the my 7 times ‘dead‘.

I have mixed emotions over the cancer and what course of action I should follow.

Right now 70% of me is saying to refuse all and every treatment, come home, sit on my favourite chair and wait for death.

I want to.

I am not ‘living‘ – I am merely ‘existing’.

I am tired of existing.

30% of me hopes everything will workout and I will be happy.

But, how can a man perceived by his truest love as a liar and dishonest man find reasoning to fight has third battle with the demon desease?

And I am tired, very tired.

I guess I will find the answer to that question in exactly five hours and sixteen minutes.

Life has to have meaning. My dictionary of life is completely used up.

I honestly do not wish to go on existing without meaning.

No matter what, I have had a 61 year wild Nantucket Sleigh ride through every walk of life there is.

And now …….

I am tired.

I look forward to Valhalla or Helheim.

Be it sooner or much later.

I will smile as I enter either.

For then my heart will no longer hurt, nor my eyes bleed tears of heart ache.

I am an honest man. I believe strongly I am.

And I would never cheat on a soul I pledged my heart to.

I have a huge decision to make today.

It’s a literal ‘life or death‘ choice I must make.

At this time I am leaning towards ‘no treatment’.

We will see what happens at the hospital.

I am tired and I want to go home.

Plus, I ain’t looking so well …

My Largest Battle To Date

I have been diagnosed with cancer in my neck and my head.

I am awaiting surgery any day now.

Many of my medications are not covered by my drug plan and I cannot afford the extra cost of traveling back and forth.

I cannot eat solid food and depend on friends to buy me Ensure meal replacements.

This has added extra stress and strain on my already weakened body.

And I know not what to do or where to turn.

As embarrassing as it is, I have turned to social media, Facebook, to ask for help.

I am also exploring a crowd funding program to hopefully get more advertising and exposure for my published books which will help by bringing in a minor supplementary income.

I will beat this demon cancer once again. I have already battled it twice now – most is in the attitude. Positivity creates positive results.

Valhalla is not ready for me, nor am I ready for it.

http://amazon.com/author/lighthouseverner

The Sparkle of an Angelic Soul

You will have lived a Blessed life if you are fortunate enough to have known at least one true friend’s love.

I have been overly Blessed.

In my lifetimes of learning, chaos, peace, violence, love, hurt, guns and rock & roll I acquired a few such souls.

True friendship. Never a doubt.

Each one taught me love and worth.

Each one SAVED my life at some point.

When my dear Irish Queen, Sheena Eve, ascended I lost faith in the Biblical version of your god.

There lay no logic in her forced ascension.

She was needed here still. Not for only my own selfishness, but for her clients of her professional and devoted career.

I have attended over thirty funerals of friends, Brothers and family.

So many that I now no longer attend funerals.

I am not even going to my own funeral. I donated my physical being to science.

Sheena’s ascension affected me like none other.

Perhaps it is due to the loving care she and my dear friend Victoria Chapman showered me with as they stayed with me 24/7 as I cold turkey went off the doctor prescribed Oxycontin and Fentanyl.

VICTORIA, SHEENA EVE, LEO THE BLUNDER DOG

I would be dead if not for Victoria’s “BodyTalk” treatments and Sheena’s outright truthful Irish wisdoms.

I’m crying now. I will always have tears for her.

My Favorite Photo – Her Sparkle Flows

I am puzzled as to why Sheena Eve’s ascension has bothered me like no other.

More than even my Mother’s murder.

In all honesty, I am crying my heart out as I write. The tears puddling over my heart to quell the hurt.

I cannot speak her name, reflect on a memory or set my eyes upon her picture without shedding tears.

And I understand but do not understand why so many tears.

Her Beauty Has Many Faces

I do know I miss her.

Dearly.

Having my LightHouse ‘gift’ is a Blessing and a curse.

It is entertaining to see dead people in a movie.

It is an acquired skill to see, feel and speak to those who have been Blessed with their final eighth ascension to the Eternal Space/Time Continuum.

I am fortunate to still have Sheena Eve in my daily life.

A Blessing I only wish I could share with her family and our friends.

Sparkle on my friend, sparkle on

My cheeks are aching from holding back these tears, so I will close this now and bawl my heart out.

They will be tears of joy for having shared friendship with you, Sheena Eve.

My heart is full of your Light and protection as you “Walk With Dann”. on this my final “Walk”.

And I welcome the day we sit at the round with love and raise our tankards high and give an Irish cheer.

Till then, yes, I will cry.

Bless be we who shared friendship with you

“Is it any surprise that as I press “publish” Pink Floyd’s “How I Wish You Were Here” starts playing???? Thank you Sheena Eve, thank you.”

Three Little Birds

You know your day is Blessed when your Guardian Angel sends three little birds to sing “Good Morning”.

You made me cry in public, Sheena Eve. I miss you so, so greatly …
Yet, that is ok for my tears were of the joy of having you in my life.

So, save me a seat at the round and when I ascend we shall toast an Irish cheer and “sparkle” in the Light of Love and Friendships.

Bless you for guiding me and keeping me on track. 

Bless you my Irish Queen for allowing me to be a part of your life.

GUARDIAN ANGELS DO EXIST 

​So, once again my beautiful Irish Guardian Angel, Sheena Eve has touched me. 

As most you know, I have had nine various surgeries and invasive procedures since last November.  Many of these for very painful implantations or removal of said implants.

This past Friday I had two stents and two ungodly long drainage tubes removed. In previous similar processes, I would be screaming and writhing in unbearable pain. 

But;

At my surgical procedure, this time,  a woman I had met there before, Joyce; who has terminal  cancer, passes me a lace bag with an Angel Stone and tells me,  

“You won’t feel any pain Dann” 

And I never felt a thing. 

Angels do exist ….

Maybe not in your  Biblical belief or in any “religious” perception. 

But, in a SPIRITUAL existence Angels do exist.

RELIGIONS ARE MANMADE.

“SPIRITUALLY” COMES FROM OUR INNER SOUL. 

I received the name   “LightHouse” shortly after my after-death experiences. 

(I wrote many blogs concerning my seven times legally declared ‘dead’. Such as my 2008 blog, “I Committed Suicide Once”)

https://lighthousedannverner.wordpress.com/2012/10/16/i-committed-suicide-once-originally-published-july-2008/?preview=true

OR THIS ONE WHICH BRIEFLY DESCRIBES MY AFTER-DEATH EXPERIENCES ….

https://lighthousedannverner.wordpress.com/2016/05/06/this-is-what-happened-when-i-died/?preview=true

After my return from death,  I began to have strong premonitions that ALWAYS became truths. 

An equal blend of good and bad experiences. 

After the death of my beautiful friend, Sheena Eve, much  changed in my life. 

Everyday I would somehow receive a message from her.  

Be it as simple as three Morning Doves on my window sill or her actual presence, holding my hand as I went through traumatic surgery or difficult times.

This is my Guardian Angel, my beautiful Irish Queen,  Sheena Eve Edmunds ….

Many will disbelieve and question what I am saying. Some will believe. 

I know the truth is we are existing in this space/time continuum and I have been Blessed to have crossed over into other continuums during my deaths.

Heaven and Hell do NOT exist as perceived in pagan ‘Holy Books’.

There is no Valhalla.

There is definitely not a bunch of virgins.

There are seven paths to seven destinations or ‘continuums’.

BUT, THAT IS FOR US TO EXPLORE ON ANOTHER DAY. 

Today, I just wanted to acknowledge that I believe in Angels …

For,  I have been caressed by my beautiful Guardian Angel,  my Irish Queen, Sheena Eve. 

She has walked with me through my good times AND carried me through my hard times. 

Those of us who are Blessed to know her, know she has never left our side.

AND I AM GRATEFUL AND HONOURED. 

Until we sit at the round once again my beautiful Irish Queen,  I shall remain, Dann, just as I am.  

I am forever grateful that YOU have chosen to “Walk with Dann” and guide me to safety and Light.

These tears I wipe are those of joy not of sadness and despair.  The joy of calling you ‘friend’ and the joys of knowing you are still here.