Tag Archives: appreciation

Cuatro en La Mañana Pensamientos Profundos

Mi alma gemela está fuera para una mini-excursión para limpiar su hermosa mente de su madre y yo luchando contra el cáncer en etapa 4 tardía.

Es desgarrador verla sufriendo mi dolor.

Antes de que ella incluso saliera de Toronto, tuve ese nudo retorcido de soledad que agarró mis testículos.

Sé muy bien que pronto estará en casa, pero “el corazón es un cazador solitario”.

Lo mío está en una nube solitaria de Apreciación y Amor.

PORQUE ME AMO Y APRECIO A MÁS ALLÁ DE CUALQUIER PALABRA QUE AUTOR AQUÍ.

Ella sabe el peso de mi Devoción y cada onza singular de amor verdadero que llevo por ella.

No hay duda si eso. Esperaré su regreso con el corazón bien abierto y los brazos levantados en Alabado sea Dios.

Porque el Señor Salvador me bendijo con el privilegio de amarla.

Y lo hago La amo inmensamente y 100% veraz.

…………………………………………………………….

My soul mate is away for a mini-excursion to clear her beautiful mind from her Mother and I both battling late stage 4 cancer.

It is heartbreaking to see her suffering my pain.

Before she even flew out of Toronto I had that twisted knot of loneliness grab my testicles.

I know darn well that she will soon be home, but the “heart is a lonely hunter”.

Mine lays in a solitary cloud of Appreciation and Love.

FOR I DO LOVE AND APPRECIATE HER BEYOND ANY WORDS I AUTHOR HERE.

She knows the weight of my Devotion and each singular ounce of true love I carry for her.

There is no doubt if that. I will await her return with my heart wide open and my arms raised in Praise God. For the Lord Savior Blessed me with the privilege of loving her.

And I do. I love her immensely and 100% truthfulness.

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For Those Who Wonder Where I Have Been

As most of you know in late October I was diagnosed with Squamous Cell Carcinoma and Pharyngeal Cancer.

Due to the advance stage conventional chemotherapy and radiation were off the table.

My only options being surgery to completely remove my tongue, larynx and most everything else within my neck or radical radiation treatments twice a day for 20 days and see what the result would be.

I, of course, opted for the radiation. I began treatment in early December.

I had to have a gastric feeding tube implanted as I would definitely need it as treatment progressed.

I was doing well until early January when I developed a very large abscess in my lower abdominal cavity between my stomach and muscles.

Mind you, this abscess had nothing whatsoever to do with the cancers or the feeding tube. It just decided to appear and grow and grow.

The fine surgeons here at Princess Margaret Cancer Hospital immediately dealt with the demon infection. Part of the process involved inserting a necessary draining tube.

If it were not for bad luck I would have no luck at all.

Hence, I had many complications from the drainage tube requiring me to spend most of January in the hospital.

Fortunately, I was still receiving my radiation therapy as per scheduled.

The infection took a fair amount of time to get cleared up and by the end of January 2019 I was declared infection free and discharged to home.

I would resume my radiation therapy as an outpatient as per the original plan of care. I was so happy to finally get to go home after almost a whole month of hospitalization.

I arrived home February first. Very sore, but happy.

I slept well the first night. The second night I had a slight pain in my back but I put that off as getting used to sleeping on my own bed instead of the hospital bunk.

I am not sure what time I woke up that morning.

What I am sure of is that I woke to the most excruciating pain you could possibly imagine.

The pain was so intense I could not even scream for help. I literally had to call to the next room to wake my good friend who was watching over me.

I honestly thought I was going to die.

Immediately she called 911 and within minutes I was in an ambulance with a police escort rushing me to the nearest hospital at full speed.

All I remember about the ambulance ride was the EMS man telling the driver they had mere minutes to get me to surgery. My blood pressure was 49 over 43.

I passed out.

Next memory was surreal – I was in an elevator, someone was cutting my shirt off and I heard the surgeon say,

I have to open him right now.”

I felt the scalpel cutting through my abdomen and I saw my blood covering everyone in the elevator.

I passed out.

I awoke many hours later in ICU.

Surrounded by my family and dearest loved ones. I was not sure if I was alive or dead. But, when I blinked my eyes, everyone single one of them cried and I knew I had survived something very serious.

My spleen had literally exploded. Like a small nuclear bomb.

Apparently I had lost almost all my blood – if not for my living so close to a hospital I definitely would not be here to author this blog.

I spent one week in the Michael Garron Hospital in East York, Toronto. Bless the surgeons there for saving my life.

I was then discharged from there do I could go into Toronto General Hospital as an in-patient and then transferred across the street to Princess Margaret Cancer Hospital where I am now.

It sounds complicated but Toronto General, Princess Margaret, Mount Sinai and a few other medical facilities are all side by side and part of the same University Health Network and also connected to The University Toronto.

I am in one of the highest rated cancer hospitals in the world and I am forever thankful that the Creators have given me yet another chance to live.

My road to recovery is going to be a long difficult journey. The spleen is an important organ. Yes, you can live without it, but I need many vaccinations and for the rest of my days I will have to be very vigilant not to get infections and such.

My radiation therapy is back on track and I finish my first series of treatments on March the first. Which is also my oldest son’s birthday – so I take that as an omen of good fortune.

I will write more at some point down the road. I just wanted my followers to know why they haven’t heard from me in a while.

People, look around at your family and friends and let them know how precious they are to you. Life can change in the blink of an eye. Or the pop of a spleen. Never be afraid to tell them you love them.

I am a tough old dude with very tough masculine friends and I have no qualms hugging them, kissing them and saying, “I love you Brother. “

The greatest gift I received from this disaster was seeing my dearest and most close friend standing there with love and joy in his eyes when I blinked that first blink. To see my sons faces fill with relief when I spoke.

Life is a precious gift and to have life and love together cannot be matched by any other thing.

Namaste’

My Largest Battle To Date

I have been diagnosed with cancer in my neck and my head.

I am awaiting surgery any day now.

Many of my medications are not covered by my drug plan and I cannot afford the extra cost of traveling back and forth.

I cannot eat solid food and depend on friends to buy me Ensure meal replacements.

This has added extra stress and strain on my already weakened body.

And I know not what to do or where to turn.

As embarrassing as it is, I have turned to social media, Facebook, to ask for help.

I am also exploring a crowd funding program to hopefully get more advertising and exposure for my published books which will help by bringing in a minor supplementary income.

I will beat this demon cancer once again. I have already battled it twice now – most is in the attitude. Positivity creates positive results.

Valhalla is not ready for me, nor am I ready for it.

http://amazon.com/author/lighthouseverner

Be a Lover Not a Liar.

I died the day I started to live.

I lived the day after I died.

Sounds strange. This I know.

What is death to you?

I won’t get into the details of my times experiencing death. I have wrote many blogs and a few books concerning that.

Death changed my perspective of life. It brought a sacred logic to the way I look at everyday existence.

Life became more precious and at the same time became lackadaisical. It is black and white with gray areas.

The gray areas are what defines our quality of life.

Wander too far into the gray and you may become trapped in a lightless world.

All living life requires ‘light’.

The greatest thing I have learned in my 61 years is that life without ‘Light’ can never be enjoyable.

Modern society has become so automated and stressful that the average soul only ‘exists’. They are alive but not living.

Love has become a mere word. It is spoken too freely. It has become almost meaningless to many.

Love is a word I speak ONLY when I truly mean it. If I tell you that I love you then I mean my heart, my soul and my whole existence loves you.

This is a simple but very deep message.

Don’t lie about loving and for God’s sake don’t love lying.

Do not play god with the hearts of others. No person has the right to destroy another person’s life.

Never ever cheat on a partner you have told you love. For by doing so you become a soulless liar.

Be a lover not a liar.

Let’s bring morality back into society.

Until then, I remain, Dann – just as I am.

A Tale of Two Angels and Queens

Love” is often discussed.  

Occasionally practised.

Rarely experienced. 

In this age of mankind, the word ‘love‘ is as overly used as an asthma inhaler. 

Often rapidly fabricated to express non-existent truths so as phallic gratifications may be reached.

I never knew of ‘love” as a child.

I believed in ‘sexual love‘ as a youth.

I ‘rookie‘ loved my first few ‘baby Mom’s’.

I wholeheartedly, beyond doubt, truly am undeniably in ‘Emotional Love‘ with my top two Queens.

I discovered what ‘to love‘ actually meant during the past ten years of my six decades living this ‘extended puberty‘.

Unfortunate for me, I am Blessed with Irish longevity  and I have as yet to become a ‘Geriatric‘.

No Viagra or ‘Assemby‘ required. 

I found love. 

Not the generic common perceived connection.  

Nope.  

I have not only discovered it.

I have actually and forevermore shall ‘KNOW‘ it’s true definition.  

My soul has blended within the radiant euphoria of the strongest and primary emotion.

The genetic demand to firstly exchange beliefs, likes, dislikes, wants and all that blends two living beings into a singular soul. 

And secondly the physical bonding accompanied by the ecstasy of orgasms. 

I love more than one beautiful woman.

I love them equally and I love them the same, but not the “same”.

They are well aware each other exists. 

They know each other.

They live in the same building – two worlds and two floors apart. 

For – as are all people – they are two unique individuals with totally different thoughts and ways. 

I would never be so deceitful as to clandestinely attempt to deceive any of my “Queens“.

(Bear in mind, we males percieve ourselves as ‘Kings’, but yet we are lowly ‘Princes’ in a land of wisdomed ‘Queens’.)

For to even muse such a thought would, firstly, prove I “lied” about “love“. 

Secondly, a person’s feelings are not a ‘toy‘.

Not a game piece in the process of ejaculation.

Love should never be an illusion. 

Love should never be faked. 

Love is a powerful emotion.

Love should only be spoken when true.

As stated, I am deeply in love with  more than one Devine Lady.

SEX has nothing to do with my love for them whatsoever. 

Friendship is the foundation of love.

They hold an equal level on my pedestal of friendship. 

You can love deeply without making it sexual. 

I do not practise the animalistic, genetically instilled act of “fornication”.

I would/will do without rather than degrade my loved or myself. 

Unless I am to make ‘Love‘ when both our souls should seek such.

Sex is merely an animalistic act to bring forth procreation. 

If your amorous emotions are true then you will “make love“, not just do mattress push-ups till you blow your ecstasy whistle. 

Love making is the ultimate dance that proves the blending of souls.

Sex is degrading to both parties. 

The aggressor is acting on physical desire.  

The receiver is no less than a receptacle,  a means to an end. 

Love has no concern with sex.

Sex is a fringe reward of having love. 

It is not, nor ever shall be, an ‘ingredient‘ of actual  love.

You do not toy with the essence of procreation. 

I love all types of women. 

I do not see ‘race’. 

I see the aura, beauty and person behind the eyes. 

I see and get to know the ‘person’. 

Then I ‘meet’ the ‘woman’.

Women are a gift to man from the Cosmic Muffin herself.  

You do not diss the Cosmic Muffin. 

Women are placed here to bring us into the world. 

Here to protect men from acting on their idiotic impulses. 

Here to bandage our stubborn caused self inflicted wounds

Here to guide and teach us how to live, love and laugh. 

I AM BLESSED WITH MY SALVADORAN QUEEN, MI FUEGO, MI CORAZON , MY BEAUTIFUL MARIA.

The faces within this photo can not lie about the love in our hearts.

I love my beautiful alluring Maria beyond explanation. 

How could I not love the woman behind these gorgeous Spanish eyes?

How could I not melt when touched by the words these perfect lips utter?

When I embrace her petite Latino frame, her gentle loving energies flow through me like a fish in the sea.

My  testosterone  level doubles.

BUT,  it is not “sexual” urges. 

NO!

Rather, from deep within my mind there rises a volcanic rush of euphoria,  an increase in body temperature and my mind wanders to the fields from ‘Little House On The Prairie” mixed with “A Game of Thrones“.

My imagination plays an Imax film of the two of us holding hands and dancing amidst drunken Latino girls with Carlos Santana serenading the parade.

I have been Blessed to watch her daughter grow from a wee lass to a preteen girl with a fantastic smile and  caring soul.

It is without a doubt that if need be I would willingly jump in front of a bullet or destroy anyone who attempted to harm my Maria or her beautiful daughter.

I kid you not when I state, 

I would DIE to protect my Fuego de Corazon”.

I would do so without hesitation or remorse. 

And that, my people,  is a minute descriptor of how I love and ‘appreciate” my Maria for these past six years and hopefully for sixty more years to follow .

“Ella es el fuego en mi corazón y la calma en mis tormentas. 

Es mi reina, mi amiga y mi confidente.”

AND THEN ABOVE ALL ELSE, I HAVE NINE YEARS OF DEVOTED LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP WITH MY QUEEN, MY LOVE, MY PERSONAL LIGHTHOUSE,  MY “GEORGE”.

“I would post pictures of ‘George’, but she emits such a bright violet aura it actually prevents her being mechanically imaged”.

Be it known as biblical fact that ‘George‘ has changed my life, for the far better, just by being herself.

They say their God works in mysterious ways.  

He must. For this rare gem of a very well raised alluring woman has saved my life numerous times and never passed judgement on me. 

Instead, she offered her logic and advice and love.

And no one but her and I will understand how she has touched all that is ‘me’ .

I, beyond all and any doubt, love my “George” in a soul deep manner that few souls will ever be Blessed to experience.  

I can in no way describe the appreciation that our nine Blessed years of close friendship has instilled within me.

In my sixty years and twenty-one days on this planet I have never experienced a comfort as that which our friendship envelopes me in.

There are no words that could measure the extent of which my soul fuels itself from the mere thoughts of her magnificent blonde hair accentuating her beautiful face as she elegantly sips her morning tea.

Such a simplistic gesture becomes a romantic dance to the tune of Leonard Cohen’s, “Dance Me To The End Of  Love “. 

My mental batteries are energized by mere glances of her. 

Even from afar.

With a simple few steps across a room she turns me into a nervous high school pubescent puppy. 

For sure I blush and stutter.

How could I explain the nameless feeling that intoxicates me when we accidently brush ever so lightly against each other? 

Perhaps a suffice comparison would be equivalent to the touch of an Angel. 

(Yes, that is close).

Nine years ago I had no close friends.  

Nine years later I do. 

I lost trust years ago when my wife of thirty-two years ran off with my pot dealer.

I miss him. 

He always had top notch weed.

I miss the wife, too. 

I should buy a scope. 

(It’s is a joke people, distasteful, disgraceful,  but funny as a blind man on a motorcycle. GEESE, LIGHTEN UP!)

Dare if you were to ask who of all my ‘Queens‘ I loved greater. Yes, there are other ‘Queens’. Buy my upcoming book to walk with Dann to his love patch. Lol)

Impossible question  to attempt an answer. 

Without any doubt there are no words that can convey to anyone this solitare iconic love.

I fracking love ‘George‘. 

I ‘LOVE’ her!!!

I love her as deeply as I love life. More so, dare I say.

I would not hesitate to die for ‘George‘. 

Be it a speeding train or someone attempting to harm her.  

I love George for allowing me to be part of her three beautiful daughters lives. 

I have grown to call them my ‘almost‘ daughters. 

My acknowledgement of their place in my heart. 

Her two grandsons affectionately call me ‘Aunty Dann‘. 

Their precious acknowledgement of my place in their wee hearts.  

A true honour by my book. 

The joy and honour of watching my almost daughters mature and grow from babes in the woods and blossom into confident young ‘Ladies‘ is unmatchable. 

The Blessing of watching ‘George‘ raise her children with her extremely devoted method of motherhood is a true gift from our Creators.

Love is confusing at best and best at confusion.  

Like the crystalline beauty that each snowflake represents – the millennia of love types.

No two are identical.

None can be reproduced. 

My heart is not torn between my loves. 

They are equally distributed.  

I hold the same amount of endearment towards all those I love.  

Although society states we can only have one true love, I can definitively bear witness that love can be in multiple states. 

That there exists numerous facets and types of devotional emotions. 

I could write all day long about all my ‘other‘ loves, but that is for another time.

Suffice to say that these true words are LightHouse Dann Verner’s way to express to all my ‘Queens‘ that before I became Blessed with knowing their love I first discovered my ‘RESPECT‘, my ‘APPRECIATION‘ and my ‘ATTRACTION‘ of the person, not just the woman, they are.

I praise the Creators daily for you, ‘George’ and for you, ‘Mi Fuego de Corazon‘, my beautiful Maria.

The Creators aligned our paths to intersect and merge into such a beautiful and gifted Empyrian Pool of friendship and love for reasons only they do know. 

And I am grateful, thankful and Blessed to know that someday you will understand the greatfulness  and euphoric calmness you two gorgeous Angels have gifted to this battered, seasoned aged man.

I love you ‘George ‘ in such a unique way that I  cannot begin to explain to you. 

Only attempt to show the best I may.

I love you Maria.  I need you in my life for always and a day. 

I will gladly walk side by side with you for eternity.

If I were a younger man with the means to give BOTH of you the lives that you and your babies deserve, I would gladly do so.

Never in my long complicated life did having tea with an Angel hold such a spiritual bond.

Thank you my beautiful Ladies and on bended knee I kneel before you – as your Prince, as your devoted friend and most of all as the man who is not shy to speak these magical words,

“I LOVE YOU AND WILL CONTINUE TO LOVE YOU THROUGH SICKNESS AND HEALTH,  THROUGH TRIALS AND TRIBULATION UNTIL AND AFTER MY ASCENSION TO THE HIGHER AFTERLIFE.

So sayeth the LightHouse Dann Verner on this twenty- six day of October 2017.

Namaste’ my friends. ♡