Tag Archives: Ascension

I Cannot ‘DO’ This

I have tried and tried to keep myself on the positive side of all this.

I knew if I were to start crying the tears wouldn’t stop.

I realize now that there is no positive side.

And the tears will not stop.

For where lays the positive side of dying a slow, very painful death?

Show me.

My Maria Angelica M who had said she would always be there for me through out this has up and walked away.

Her false vows of love meant nothing to her – easy to say, but much to me on this tearful darkened day.

Her anger misplaced on my shoulders leaving a trail of blame on my heart.

I am losing my home. I have no time to find a place before months end.

I have lost my beloved Maria Angelica M or perhaps she has lost me.

I have the love of Roy, Dakota, Lisa, Randy & Emma in my immediate life.

I have the extended love of family & my many friends.

But, as I have feared, the tears are here and they just will not stop.

Where is that shoulder to cry on Maria Angelica M?

Oh yes, I forgot.

They were texted with false nailed fingers and etched onto my heart.

Some falsehood testimonials of how we would never be apart.

I discovered one lie after another and and the blame you sent to my heart.

Your love and devotion were quite easily redirected and here is the saddest part.

Your reason for running to another was the most hurtful part.

It took you but one minute to easily rip out my heart and here I do quote the answer you sent to me and destroyed this foolish heart.

I “pissed you off so you turned around”. and abandoned me for your love was a lie from the start.

I needed that shoulder to cry on. But in your deceit towards me you had already found some other arms to hold you so lovingly sweet.

I was shown by a mutual friend and saw through my own eyes on your Facebook these words you did speak.

They were not written for me, but another love in your life.

You may as well etched them with a knife for they have scarred my broken heart.

I needed your false love, if only to get through this one storm.

Then like the many other times in six years you could roam night after night.

And once again leave me crying at home for yet one more night.

I needed that shoulder. I needed your false love, if only to get through this one storm.

For a false love is better than no love when your whole world has fallen apart.

Now, like the skies out this hospital window, my very heart and soul have turned stormy and dark.

For …..

These tears are too real and the pain is too great.

For this broken man named Dann whose soul needs a break.

These tears are embarrassing as I sit here on display.

And pray to the Creator above to take me this day.

I will cross into oblivion when Death has her way.

How easy it was to deceive me with the words of love you say.

I know I sound foolish and broken for believing the love you did say.

I was raised never to say I love you unless the love would forever stay.

I cannot stop loving you forever more each day.

For my love is more real than your hurtful display.

#LightHouseDannVerner #FuckCancer

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D-day 4 Dann

I have cancer on my mind.

Literally ….. true story.

As I previously wrote, I have been diagnosed with ‘oropharyngeal cancer’ in the neck and my cranium.

Which has migrated into my skull proper.

Hence soon, if not already, ‘brain cancer‘.

So,

Deja Vu.

Once again it’s 4:20AM and here I sit, awake. Day 4 without sleep.

The physical pain is insane.

Yet, my broken ‘heart’ & ‘spirit’ are far worse.

I cried all last night over a personal matter and the stress of waiting for the upcoming news.

And, Deja Vu.

Here I sit crying like a pussy once again.

The second night in a row.

Mostly over the personal matter of learning that I am being perceived as ‘dishonest’ and a liar regarding my vows of love & of friendship.

I am or have been a murderer, a robber, a gangster, a thief and an idiot.

BUT a dishonest lover I am not, nor could I ever be.

I was self-raised on these streets since the age of 12.

I learned young that your ‘Love’ for your partner MUST be true and definitely sincere. You cannot say that you love someone and then cheat or lie to them.

I take pride in my loyalty, my love, my devotion and most of all my ‘HONESTY’. These are the cornerstones of any couple.

Anyone who knows me well knows I am not dishonest. I do not, have not, nor would I ever ‘cheat’.

I know the pain that inflicts all too well.

I am not dishonest in love.

I don’t lie about my emotions.

Nor would I play with the heart of anyone – friend or foe.

Who would want to claim a false love as real love” ?

No soul has the right to do such an evil thing. No person should ever damage another person in such a sadistic manner.

Many people contort the definition of “love”.

I learned very young that if you say something it should be sincere and honest.

I love my ‘Queen’.

The love I have for her cannot be shared with anyone else. I have given her all my heart. As you are supposed to when you swear your love.

She is my true soul mate, my lover, she’s my best friend. She is “mi Corazon“.

And one Corazon is all you get.

I have many friends.

The majority being females. Guys are idiots. My circle is a triangle.

I tell them both, male or female, that I love them all the time. I do love them. They are my friends.

But, not the way I “love” mi Corazon.

Definitely not in a sexual way.

It is not that type of “love”. It’s the love you show a ‘true friend’.

A completely different type of love.

Secondly,

My tears also have been falling as I am coming to the realization that I may have to face that ‘final‘ ….

Walk With Dann” .

That torturous, downward spiral of pain ending in the horrific death of cancer eating my brain like an invisible zombie.

61 years of hurt I endured so far.

The majority via a broken heart. Time after time. Over and over.

I don’t fear loving just because I have been a victim of dishonesty.

You cannot punish your future for what your past ‘has’ done. (Key word being ‘HAS’).

I am tired. Very, very tired.

Not sure if I should try to battle this battle or succumb to the depression and sadness perched upon my shoulders.

Death would be so relaxing. I know first hand.

You can’t cry over being perceived as a dishonest person when you are dead.

For to live and share your honest, deepest feelings to people who do not believe a word you speak is a real ‘Hell’.

Read my ‘Walk With Dann Collection’. I explain how your perception of ‘Heaven & Helheim’ are not as you are taught or even perceive them to be.

I am tired of adult life.

I am very, very, very tired.

And now it is D DAY 4 Dann

Later today I will receive either the worse news anyone would wish to hear,

or, perhaps the medium bad news stating a long list of parts to be removed,

or, good news saying that they can remove all the cancer and I shall live lonely ever after.

Yahoo!!!!!!

Good news for some people … not so much me.

I am tired.

Very tired.

I am all alone in a crowded room.

That room called ‘life‘.

And I am tired.

As we say in Nazarim, “Hineni”

“I’m ready my Lord”.

Life‘ number 8 was far more painful the my 7 times ‘dead‘.

I have mixed emotions over the cancer and what course of action I should follow.

Right now 70% of me is saying to refuse all and every treatment, come home, sit on my favourite chair and wait for death.

I want to.

I am not ‘living‘ – I am merely ‘existing’.

I am tired of existing.

30% of me hopes everything will workout and I will be happy.

But, how can a man perceived by his truest love as a liar and dishonest man find reasoning to fight has third battle with the demon desease?

And I am tired, very tired.

I guess I will find the answer to that question in exactly five hours and sixteen minutes.

Life has to have meaning. My dictionary of life is completely used up.

I honestly do not wish to go on existing without meaning.

No matter what, I have had a 61 year wild Nantucket Sleigh ride through every walk of life there is.

And now …….

I am tired.

I look forward to Valhalla or Helheim.

Be it sooner or much later.

I will smile as I enter either.

For then my heart will no longer hurt, nor my eyes bleed tears of heart ache.

I am an honest man. I believe strongly I am.

And I would never cheat on a soul I pledged my heart to.

I have a huge decision to make today.

It’s a literal ‘life or death‘ choice I must make.

At this time I am leaning towards ‘no treatment’.

We will see what happens at the hospital.

I am tired and I want to go home.

Plus, I ain’t looking so well …

And Still I Cry A Few Times Each and EVERY Day

I’m crying tears for you as I write this Sheena Eve. I will gladly let them flow wherever and whenever they fall. The tears burn tiny streams of pain down my cheeks until they become pools of love and joy in my heart.

They will dry when you walk me across the River into Valhalla and we sit at the round with food and drink.

I fear not my next death for life begins anew … and you will be there.

YET, I MISS YOU MORE THAN ANY OTHER IN MY LIFE WHO HAS ASCENDED.
#LightHouseDannVerner #AmazonAuthorLighthouseVerner #UNKZ #TheLastCanadianCosmonaut

EVEN TOUGH GUYS SHED TEARS

I have had the anguish of  losing many friends and family over the past sixty-one years.

I have lost a few of my children.

My mother was murdered and made me promise on her death bed not to retaliate. Hard promise to keep, yet, I kept it.

I normally do not cry over death.

But, I cry over my dear friend’s, Sheena Eve’s, passing. It was such a tragic one.

I cry everyday. Every morning. Every night.

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When I awake and she is the first thought in my mind, I know she is telling me all will work out. I miss her and so do all of her friends. Sheena Eve was a living Angel and now as she sits in Valhalla she is a celestial Angel.

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Yet, although I shed no tears over my sons passing or even that of my mother, I cry many tears daily over Sheena Eve’s. The only passing in my life that has affected me this way.

My LightHouse gift (curse) of seeing dead people and premonition does not allow me the courtesy  of blocking my emotions.

And therefore every time I see Sheena Eve’s pictures, hear her name or even briefly think of her I cry. No matter where I am. I do so proudly as there is no shame or embarrassment in loving someone so greatly that it hurts.

My tears are painful, but not sorrowful.  They are happy tears formed by having Sheena Eve in my life. For Sheena Eve and our  good friend Miss V having saved my life at the lowest point of my existence. An act of love that I shall ever be grateful for.

Best part of my sorrow is the joy I will have when I ascend.

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I shall die with a smile knowing that this time I will not return like the past seven times I died.

I will take Sheena Eve’s hand, walk to the portal and all will be well. 

She will continue to watch over us from the Heavens. Giving an Angelic hug to those of us who need one. 

My beautiful Irish Guardian Angel


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Until the Creator’s allow us to sit together once again, I shall remain Dann, just as I am

And these tears will always sting my face … — 

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Valhalla is Blessed to Have You There

Blessed I am to have shared time with you.

I still cry every morning, I still cry every night.

I will never wipe these tears – they remind me you were once here.

My Beautiful Irish Guardian Angel

LAST WILL, TESTAMENT AND WISHES.

I will be seeing my beautiful Irish Guardian Angel soon. If the Creators and the Cosmic Muffin are kind.

Life is kicking me bad still.

I wrote a blog about what’s happening now.

I started New Year’s walking all night. Froze two toes, one finger. 

Oh, and had a bad heart attack.

I am in stage C of congested heart failure. No treatment for it. 

Stage D you go into palliative care, I don’t do palliative care.

I don’t do wheelchairs or walkers either. I will never get in one of those carts. I don’t want to wear a stolen ‘pleather‘ cowboy hat from Dollerama. 

If I cannot walk I will crawl. And when I cannot crawl I will tumble. 

I’m ready.

As the Jews and my religion, Natsarim say “Hineni” – “I’m ready my lord”

The greatest songwriter of all time and the greatest poet ever to live, Leonard Cohen, whose last song,  the theme for the fantastic show ‘Peaky Blinders’ was “If You Want It Darker“. Explains this well. 

I’ve done a DNR and a Will.

I gave all my body to science.

The med students will have a ball looking at all my implants. I am the first Bionic Hippie.

I have more metal than a modern car. Lol. 

I forbid a viewing or a funeral.

They give your ashes back in a year. Keeping some parts they want.

Funeral isn’t necessary.

Most who show up will come inside for a New York minute, then go outside to smoke joints with no regard for the families of other ascended live ones laidto rest.

There will be my birth family who never speak to me because I have been an Asshole and an Embarrassment. 

Like I would change from being the only “unwanted” child born to my father. 

I am fine with their shunning and bigotry. 

Just odd that in sixty years of life I only spent at the most five years around them. 

Majority of the attendees are happy they have a reason to get smashed and fight with their spouse’s and families.

Others will use my ascension as a reason to justify the chemical addictions.

You know I’m not lying. 

All my years in prison I had two visits from my father. 

One which embarrassed the hell out of me, he brought my 77 year old Nanny who I hadn’t seen since I was a teen working with my Uncles at the Brockville Fertilizer Plant. 

Those visits were in the first six months. I was there for years.

Never a single letter from my immediate family.

My cousin Penny kept me sane with weekly letters. 

Wish I still had them. I love her for the letters. 

We were also unwanted kids. 

We were in the same fosterhome for two years. My last foster home before I started my street life and Heroin.

My loved ones can meet at a decent bar, gag down a shot of Wray & Nephew’s and then drink and toast my death.

For I will have ascended to my final space/time continuum and be toasting back with my Sparkle Angel, my Irish Queen,  My beautiful Sheena Eve and all my ascended friends and we will be sending all of you Light, Love and Peacefulness.

My beautiful Sheena Eve – my Irish Guardian Angel and my Queen

The only tears should be because I am not there to make inappropriate jokes and/or comments. 

I love you all. You can cry EIGHT tears now. 

One for each life I’ve lived.

I would be very happy if my truest love could be there. 

She does not drink or do drugs. She drinks only Tetley tea and smokes Pall Mall XL Reds. 

So make damn sure they have smokes and Tetley tea bags and milk there  for her .

Or I will send my Shakie back and he will slap everyone but her. 

Then I’ll light her a cigarette and make her tea for her myself.

Bear in mind I’m not giving up. 

I promised my Terry I would out live her because I know my death will hurt her deeply. 

I would never hurt her.

I do hope I live long and I will ascend the day after her so as I can bring a smoke and a hot tea to her grave. Then I’ll ascend knowing she is ok.

But, the Creators and The Cosmic Muffin are having fun with me presently and right now I am in very bad shape.

From experience I know I am not doing very well.

So if you want to offer my prayers to YOUR GOD I am ok with that. 

Pray my beautiful Terry lives to be 105.

For then I will die on my original death date at the age 112. The day after my love. 

If not, my son, Dakota is to check on her daily and help her when she needs such. No questions asked!

I’ve only met one truly unique friend like her. She is a gem in a pool of Rhinestones. A very rare gem – one of a million. 

If I had been Blessed to have met her back when I was released from the penitentiary my life would have been drug and gangster free. 

It was ‘love at every sight’.

Most of all, RESPECT MY WISHES or I shall send the “Shake” version back. 

Not too many people liked Shake.

Definitely not my two ex wives.

I DON’T believe they liked him. 

I divorced the first one in 1981. 

I guess I should get to divorcing Number Two, we have been seperated for around ten years now.

But, you cannot spend 32 years with someone and then stop loving them. Only a soulless person could do that.

I have as much soul as Otis Redding

(Ha, gotcha – you thought I was going to say Otis Driftwood. Didn’t you?)

Or I could save money and let her be my widow.

Only the Cosmic Muffin and The Creators know their plan for my five personalities. “Baby Boo Boo, Dann, Shake, Unkz and of course ‘LightHouse’

Oh and buy my books. I priced them very cheap. The profits will go to Dakota.

Then you all will know and understand ME.

THIS I SWEAR AS MY LAST WILL, TESTAMENT AND WISHES.

TO QUOTE ANOTHER GREAT WRITER ….