Tag Archives: broken heart

Do My Testicle Look Swollen Because They Just Got Kicked Again

They say, whoever “they” are, that love is blind.

Well by God I must have been walking into quite a few walls these past 6 years.

I have closure now.

Actually I think the door slammed my ass because I didn’t move fast enough.

My biggest fear now is going to be will I lose trust in all women who say they love me?

Not in a friendship way because Lord knows I have plenty of female friends, more females than males.

I mean in a relationship way.

I have no desire to date again anyways but I also do not want to become a bitter old women hater of a man.

Looking back 7 years I had vowed never to date again, but one day in our hallway she glanced at me and her smile stirred something in my very soul.

I have been many a bad type of person over the years.

From growing up watching foster parents, my real parents and friends cheating on each other I vowed I would be honest with that part of any relationship I was in.

In all my years with Jennifer I stayed true.

I was a flirt, big time, still am. But why eat cookies if you have Angel food cake at home.

Many will not believe that but I know the truth and I will stand before St. Peter or the Lord himself and say, “Yes, I broke nine of the ten commandments my Lord, but I honoured my wife for over 30 years.”

Life goes on.

I have been granted yet another crack at the bat and I will play by the rules.

I never once in my life thought I would be able to say
“I am 61 years old.”

Yet here I am and I am willing to bet that in ten years I will be listening to Leonard Cohen and dancing with my beloved Pringles and Ruffles.

I cannot hate over love, for maybe at one point she did love me.

Maybe ….

I will have to believe that to be true because I don’t want to realize there are people that are that cold hearted in real life.

But, I have to ask myself why did she only visiting time out of all the two months I have fought for my life in these hospitals?

Would I do that to her? Not a hope in Hell, I would have sat beside her bed from day one for I did/do love her.

And now I must put on my “I am okay” face and carry on.

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I Cannot ‘DO’ This

I have tried and tried to keep myself on the positive side of all this.

I knew if I were to start crying the tears wouldn’t stop.

I realize now that there is no positive side.

And the tears will not stop.

For where lays the positive side of dying a slow, very painful death?

Show me.

My Maria Angelica M who had said she would always be there for me through out this has up and walked away.

Her false vows of love meant nothing to her – easy to say, but much to me on this tearful darkened day.

Her anger misplaced on my shoulders leaving a trail of blame on my heart.

I am losing my home. I have no time to find a place before months end.

I have lost my beloved Maria Angelica M or perhaps she has lost me.

I have the love of Roy, Dakota, Lisa, Randy & Emma in my immediate life.

I have the extended love of family & my many friends.

But, as I have feared, the tears are here and they just will not stop.

Where is that shoulder to cry on Maria Angelica M?

Oh yes, I forgot.

They were texted with false nailed fingers and etched onto my heart.

Some falsehood testimonials of how we would never be apart.

I discovered one lie after another and and the blame you sent to my heart.

Your love and devotion were quite easily redirected and here is the saddest part.

Your reason for running to another was the most hurtful part.

It took you but one minute to easily rip out my heart and here I do quote the answer you sent to me and destroyed this foolish heart.

I “pissed you off so you turned around”. and abandoned me for your love was a lie from the start.

I needed that shoulder to cry on. But in your deceit towards me you had already found some other arms to hold you so lovingly sweet.

I was shown by a mutual friend and saw through my own eyes on your Facebook these words you did speak.

They were not written for me, but another love in your life.

You may as well etched them with a knife for they have scarred my broken heart.

I needed your false love, if only to get through this one storm.

Then like the many other times in six years you could roam night after night.

And once again leave me crying at home for yet one more night.

I needed that shoulder. I needed your false love, if only to get through this one storm.

For a false love is better than no love when your whole world has fallen apart.

Now, like the skies out this hospital window, my very heart and soul have turned stormy and dark.

For …..

These tears are too real and the pain is too great.

For this broken man named Dann whose soul needs a break.

These tears are embarrassing as I sit here on display.

And pray to the Creator above to take me this day.

I will cross into oblivion when Death has her way.

How easy it was to deceive me with the words of love you say.

I know I sound foolish and broken for believing the love you did say.

I was raised never to say I love you unless the love would forever stay.

I cannot stop loving you forever more each day.

For my love is more real than your hurtful display.

#LightHouseDannVerner #FuckCancer

Disgusted

I am absolutely disgusted – only word to describe it – that because of all the damn junkies abusing the system, cancer victims like myself no longer have their opioid pain medications covered.

Believe me, I need my pain medication. I don’t take them to get “high”. I take them to stop from crying.

Literally.

There should be some sort of regulation to bypass this punishment.

I am now in the position of choosing between groceries or medication. I have to choose “groceries”, for I have a child to feed.

All I can say is, “Fuck you pill head scum.”

And Still I Cry A Few Times Each and EVERY Day

I’m crying tears for you as I write this Sheena Eve. I will gladly let them flow wherever and whenever they fall. The tears burn tiny streams of pain down my cheeks until they become pools of love and joy in my heart.

They will dry when you walk me across the River into Valhalla and we sit at the round with food and drink.

I fear not my next death for life begins anew … and you will be there.

YET, I MISS YOU MORE THAN ANY OTHER IN MY LIFE WHO HAS ASCENDED.
#LightHouseDannVerner #AmazonAuthorLighthouseVerner #UNKZ #TheLastCanadianCosmonaut

Heart Vacated

Mi corazón está vacío ahora
Fue desocupado en este día

El sudor en mi frente
Mantiene las lágrimas muy, muy lejos

Ella se ha ido
No está aquí para quedarse

Nunca temí
Terminaría de esta manera

Mi corazón yace vacío
Sin embargo, la esperanza llena mi alma

Sabía que ella se iría
Pero, nunca pensé que iría.

My heart is empty now
It was vacated on this day

The sweat upon my brow
Keeps the tears far, far away

She is gone
Not here to stay

I never feared
It would end this way

My heart lays empty
Yet, hope fills my soul

I knew she would leave
But, I never thought she would go.

Oficialmente Soltero

Oficialmente soltero, que es un logro cuando eres esquizofrénico.

La vida es acerca de la elección.

Elijo la vida

But, this is life. I cannot complain.

I do not live a normal life.

Not by a long shot.

I dated multiple women at once. No deceitfulness. They were all friends and fully aware. They were ok with this.

I wasn’t.

I am getting old. 61 this coming October the fifth.

Time to settle down with a true love and live out my remaining days with peace, love and Light.

I will shed many tears over mi Fuego de mi Corazon. For I do love her.

But, she has chosen a lifestyle I cannot condone.

Sadly six decades has taught me that the path she has chosen shall end darkly.

To be in recovery and choose a relationship with a meth and crack addict is a decision made foolishly.

I will be there when all has passed. Not as a lover, rather as a friend helping a friend.

If she lives through the coming storm.

It’s disheartening to say the least.

We all have a Light and a Dark side.

Experience has taught me that the majority of the time people choose the Dark because it has excitement and the numbness of third eye blindness.

I will go onward. Another scar scratched across my heart.

Another set of tears rolling down my cheeks.

Tears not for me.

Tears for knowing a loved one is cascading down a mountain side in a vehicle with no brakes.

Namaste’