Tag Archives: Daniel Verner

THE FACES OF MY CANCER – ‘That part’.

Some may find the visual aids within to be too emotional for many people. The written media also targets at the minimum 14 years plus.)

Here are some pictures from various stages of my Cancer treatment.

“I have always been highly spiritual. Rarely religious.

My Queen Heals Me Spiritually

AS YOU CAN SEE I LOOKED FINE.

But, I had slowly been feeling flu like syptoms for a few weeks at this point.

I spent most mornings reflecting about life. Subliminal messages telling me to beware.

I should have not procrastinated.

Nightsweats became daysweats

7

I have a strong survivalists side. I do not lay down in a battle. It is an Irish Genetic Inheritance.

There’s humour in all instances of life. I soon had to find reasons to smile.

Hospital stay 7. Combined weeks since January 4th, 2019, equal 19, so far.

The smiles are half truths. I hide many emotions. Or rather, I ‘used’ to hide them. Now, I let the truth be told.

THE PRINCESS MARGARET CANCER HOSPITAL. I AM VERY BLESSED TO BE UNDER THE WORLD CLASS CARE THAT THEY GIVE. MANY DO NOT HAVE THIS TYPE OF EXCELLENCE AND PROFESSIONALISM.

This pain is relentless. None stop for two weeks now. 24/7, has not stopped once.

It is by far the worse pain I have ever experienced. And pain and I are lifelong buddies.

This pain is a b*dstard!!!!

Many battles won. No losses. Round Two! Finish HIM!!!!

So, this is just a tidbit of the Faces I have and must endure. There are smiling ones with genuine joy. There are sad ones with devastating sorrow. There are bland boring pictures and there are silly ‘selfies‘ taken inthe middle of a night when sleep evaded.

Here are 3 pictures that tell exactly how 18 hours of my day presently go.

Picture 1 – Pain rushes in like an out-of-control freight train. All I can do is squeeze my skull as tightly as possible and strap in for the ride.

Picture 2 – Accept that it is what it is. Unstoppable, untreatable pain. Let the tears flow – they earned their journey.

Picture 3 – Recover. No time for this to be stealing moments that are best held for love and joy. Cry it out. Hold my head high and dance in my Light.

I am an Urban Viking. The last of the Canadian Cosmonauts.

Cancer is soon to be dumbfounded when I kick it’s demonic ass into the dust of Hell whence it came.

I had a double session of radical radiation therapy every morning and another double set every afternoon for 20 days. 80 treatments, 20 days.

STRAPPED DOWN – MY VERY FIRST TREATMENT

Amazing technology

GRADUATION DAY!!!

I kept my mask. A gentle, but stark reminder of this “Walk With Dann.”

March 2, 2019 4a.m.- My spleen literally exploded. I bled out. I was brought back.

The surgeon and various doctors could only say one word to describe the recovery and my being alive.

“MIRACLE”

“Valhalla does not wish for my company and Helheim has a Peace Bond on me.”

I will post a few more similar blogs such like this one.

To add a face to my “Diary of An Old Man With The C”.

Until then I shall be wruting in the two works I have in ‘progress’.

I want to leave behind my story for my future generations to understand who and why I was placed upon this beautiful blue marble.

Till then,

Adieu

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A Conversation With My Last Born

My Last Born.

My Pride.

My Joy.

My new life began the day I watched him come into our world.

May 30th, 2003 was a memorable day in life – one of my personally happiest milestones.

Dakota, your soul is as pure and kind as is your heart is large. You are the iconic “Gentle Giant“.

I am privileged and PROUD to be your father.

I feel that I am not too demanding a father. I always kept you boys close to my side, but at the same time gave you room to soar.

I want you to soar higher than you can imagine. Go where Miss Destiny leads.

Take those doubtful “leaps”.

Important to not leap without looking.

I left home at an age where most my peers were playing with their ‘Hot Wheels” race sets.

I have been out here 50 of my 62 years. It has not been an easy journey.

Trust me on that.

I learned early that the key to basic survival is to have a true heart, practice compassion, speak only truths, listen with intentioned desire to help and most of all, stay HUMBLE.

There is nothing that will make me happier then if you follow and practise these few “rules” or “lessons”.

As you well know I tried all my life to treat my Family, my Loved Ones, my Friends and many more with respect, charity and compassion.

If you can incorporate these into your already soulful personality your life will always be Blessed my Son, always. ….

Hold your head high, always. Be Native and Verner Family Proud.

Be Humble. Humbleness is key to happiness.

Never look down upon anyone. They may be broken from a situation unknown to you or one that they suffer within alone. “Broken ” can be repaired.

Never, under any circumstance, disguise “Deceit” as “Love”.

NEVER. Emotions are not weapons.

Love is the greatest gift the Creator allows us.

THIS IS THE NUMBER ONE TRAIT YOU MUST LIVE LIFE BY, SON.

32 years with your Beautiful Mother is proof that being loyal pays.

Never stray, Son. NEVER.

Why eat cookies in shame when you have Angel Food Cake at home?

To stray is to lie about love. The worst lie of all. A lie that destroys life’s very essence.

I cannot express how strongly I feel about this.

THIS IS THE NUMBER ONE RULE TO BEING A GOOD FATHER, HUSBAND AND MAN.

Never give into that hormonal Darkness.

If I can look down from Valhalla and see my Last Born being the first born to become who he was meant to be and living a humble life, then I may finally smile and know that my humble life had meaning.

And that amazing Light locked within you will emerge and you will live a many faceted fantastic life.

And I shall be the proudest Father, Husband and Man ever to walk this walk.

I love you Dakota James McLean Verner.

I love you Son.
As I love your Brothers

#VernerFamilyProud
#LightHouseDannVerner

The Fear of Cancer

Not often I have ‘fear‘.

I have it now. I fear that I may not beat this cancer.

I was diagnosed on October 22nd, 2018, with Pharyngeal and Squamous Cell Carcinoma. Stage four.

I was past the ability to be treated via chemotherapy and conventional radiation. My only three options were let nature take her course or surgery to remove my complete tongue and lymph nodes (leaving me with zero quality of life) or receive radical aggressive radiation.

I chose the latter. Receiving a double session twice per day for twenty days. The actual treatment was easy. Just lay down, strapped in a cage and a mere fifteen minutes listening to Pink Floyd as the machine’s robotic arms did their task.

I was pleased when on March the first I completed the therapy and was told it had succeeded in killing all the tumors.

What I didn’t understand at that time was the worse part comes after the therapy. As the tumors diminished the damage from the radiation and cancer surfaces. This, apparently, can go on for up to two years.

My throat swelled and on the exterior turned purple. A side affect of the radiation burn and dying tissues within.

I had a few complications during the course of treatment. I developed a huge abscess in my lower abdominal cavity, possibly from the feeding g-tube implant. It required minor surgery to remove and drain. This was followed by a major battle with septicemia. A battle I thankfully won.

I was released from the Princess Margaret Cancer Center on January 31, 2019. After being hospitalized for twenty seven days. I was glad to be home.

At four in the morning of February the 2nd my spleen exploded. I bled out and have only survived because I live blocks from the Michael Garron Hospital. I was revived. Received four pints of blood, rapid infusion of Ringers lactate, a litre of iron sucrose and twenty nine staples on my abdomen. Complete removal of my spleen.

I spent all of February and half of March in Princess Margaret. My weight dropped down to ninety seven pounds. A far cry from my average one hundred and seventy.

I look like a survivor from a Nazi Death Camp.

I was sent home mid March to complete my treatment as an out-patient.

Things were well at first. I could not swallow most food so I was dependant on six cans of condensed Isosource nutrients to feed my body. I managed to get my weight up to one hundred and twenty-two pounds.

But, a big but, the damage from the tumors and radiation was surfacing more and more. The pain of swallowing increasingly getting worse. To the point I feared swallowing even my saliva.

This I am still plagued with as I write.

My weight loss increased and depression tried to take over my logic. I feared that I would definitely die. I have that fear still, as do my caregivers.

No longer able to function properly I resigned myself to the reality of coming back into the hospital.

Presently, I am hospitalized in the magnificent Toronto General Hospital. A Blessing of living in Toronto with the world class treatment of Toronto General and the adjoined Princess Margaret Cancer Center. Two of the best hospitals worldwide.

If I lived anywhere else I am positive I would not be authoring this blog on this foggy Sunday morning.

I am not sure what is to happen to me next. Neither are my team of doctors.

I have been here a mere few days, having been admitted on the twenty four of May. So, I am awaiting the results of my MRI, CT Scan and numerous other tests.

Tomorrow I have to have minor surgery to re-implant a gastric feeding tube and biopsy of my tongue and throat.

So far my diagnosis is as follows:

1) as my body absorbed the dead tumors it left behind holes, like potholes in a road. These ‘holes‘ have developed ulcers.

2) The ulcers can be one of three types. (A) non-cancerous, (B) Cancerous but treatable and (C) Cancerous non-treatable

3) I am severely malnourished and dehydrated.

Hopefully, by tomorrow evening I will know for sure what battle lays before me.

I am a ‘realist’. Hence, I take things in stride. It is what it is and I will deal with whatever falls my way with logic over emotions.

I also trained myself to always expect the worse possible scenarios. Reason being if I am expecting the worse no matter what my diagnosis is to be it shall be better than what I expected. A small comfort in such a serious situation.

I am not being unrealistic in my expectations. I am in a serious situation.

After many discussions with all my treatment team and my beloved family, I made the difficult decision to put in place a DNR, (Do Not Resuscitate), on my medical record.

This is justified and many tears were shed coming to the decision. It is the best avenue to take considering the condition of my physical form. My bone density is very low which means that if I were to receive CPR my ribs would shatter. Greater risk is that my heart and poor physical condition makes it ninety nine percent positive I will slip into a coma – a coma I will not recover from.

I pray no one ever has to have this discussion with their family. It was/is the most heartbreaking talk I have ever imagined having to have.

Saddest part being the reaction of my family and friends. I, being the patient, fully have accepted that I am knocking on the gates of Valhalla. I did not wish to accept it, but it is what it is.

I also have refused any major surgery that will disfigure and disable me. I refuse wholeheartedly to have my love ones suffer the anguish of watching me whither away, perhaps for weeks or months. That would scar their very souls for life. It would be selfish of me to put them through such.

They understand. They don’t like accepting it, but, once again, it is what it is.

I am not, by far, a ‘religious’ man. I am a man of faith. I believe in a higher, supreme power. Over the past 15 years I have been brought back to life 9 times so far. I wrote about these times previously. It’s suffice to say my life has been full of numerous ups and downs. Often down. It strengthened my personality and outlook on life. To most they would say my life was tragic. I see it as just ‘my life’. Sixty-one and a half years of learning and growth.

So, as it stands today, I have a battle to win. And I shall win because I am surrounded by true caring and love. I have a large group of beautiful souls who have formed a ‘Prayer Army’ on my behalf. Believe or not, but there is a power in prayers. They don’t have to be church indoctrinated chants, but rather sincere and positive praise to whoever you perceive as your Creator.

I am anxious to get the results of the tests tomorrow. The waiting and the fear of what may be is far more disheartening than the cancers themselves. The fear of the unknown instills an anxiety that clouds judgement.

I prefer sunny days over cloudy ones.

So, I will leave you now and I will blog whatever happens next in my wonderful life as soon as I know.

Until then, I remain ‘Dann, just as I am – – – The Original Urban Viking’.

NAMASTE’ MY FRIENDS

And remember to ……

ALWAYS PRAY IT FORWARD

BLESS

The Original Hippie or Perhaps, “Has Anyone Seen My Prophet? “

This blog I originally published 10 years ago.

My views and beliefs are still somewhat the same.

Since what I have been through in the last three months my Faith has grown much stronger.

What I am trying to convey here is that how do we identify a “prophet”?

A false prophet is easily discovered, but how in today’s society would we be able to recognize a true prophet. For all we know we may have the real one locked up in an institution with the numerous false ones.

Or he/her cold be hiding their identity until society learns to stop killing each other in the name of “religion”.

I truly believe that Jesus existed and was somehow able to communicate with the Creator. I believe he was very intelligent and far ahead of his time .

You have to keep in mind that in his time ninety percent of man were uneducated, illiterate and still worshipping false idols.

Could a charismatic, educated man be capable of influencing followers? Hell, yes most certainly.

Jesus could have been an alien or the last brilliant mind to come from Atlantis for all we really know.

Why we’re the first 14 books of the Bible removed by “religious” leaders of the day?

There is a great difference between being a religious follower and a true believer of faith.

All the “Holy Books” of that time had to be written in simple language form so as the average citizen could understand the messages.

Our genetic need to be the best and only one who knows what is truth has misconstrued what Jesus was sent to teach us.

But, we murdered him because, firstly, he was right and secondly, he was far too charismatic and thereby a threat to all religions .

So, here we had this poor soul traveling the world trying to enlighten society on the ten Commandments and teach us how to live peaceful and meaningful lives.

We returned the favor by killing him in the name of religion .

There have been many more “true prophets” since Jesus. But, modern day “religion” has been able to make us disbelievers of truth so as Faith does not interfere with the big money game we have labeled “Religion”.

Because we have not evolved much since Jesus’s time .

Which leaves us wondering, as I state below, “Who is the Jesus of this time period?

Originally published in July 2009 in my http://dannverner.blogspot.ca site ……….

The Original Hippie

I was recently asked if I believed in Jesus Christ.

What anxiety this raised within me – it was though I had been waiting for some soul to ask me this deep question.

Here is my mindset on this controversial topic.

I definitely believe in Jesus.

I believe he walked upon this big blue marble.

I believe he spread the words of the Creators.

I believe he was a man who was ahead of his time in the area’s of logic, societal disposition and culture.

Jesus was a man.

I do NOT believe he was the SON OF GOD. (Where is Mrs. God?)

Whoa, now I have stepped into it……..so, here I go…………..

Jesus was a Prophet.

Jesus was a peaceful, gentle scholar who wished only to make an immature society overstand the reality of spiritualism and human reality.

Jesus was the original Hippie.

Jesus was born at the wrong time.

Jesus was persecuted for his overstanding of what this plain of existence was, is and shall be.

In the rock opera, “Jesus Christ Superstar”, the title song asks the question, “Why did you choose such a backward time in such a backward land?”. Did he choose? Or was that what the Creators decided was necessary for the plain of space/time continuum in this particular multiverse?

Jesus was a soul man.

Through all time, through all plains of reality and through all seven multi-universes there has been Prophets. Be it Jesus, Siddhartha, Gandhi, Aristotle or John Lennon, makes no nevermind – they are just the vessel. The message is always the same. To quote Led Zeppelin, “The Song Remains The Same”.

Jesus was the father of the peace, love, forgiveness and unity movements.

LEAVES ONE TO WONDER, “WHO IS THE JESUS OF NOW?

Nothing Less Than A Miracle

Praise the Lord!

No one is going to believe this, but I have a witness.

The doctors both said at the same time that I “am way ahead of schedule” and it appears we got all the cancer.

HIS WORDS AS WERE OURS WAS,

“It’s nothing less than a miracle”

They are dumbfounded that I have gained so much weight and I am eating regular food.

Stomach tube comes out in two weeks.

The power of your PRAYERS and the amount of LOVE and ENCOURAGEMENT from all of you has been the catalyst behind this.

I will still have problems as the cancer cells and tumors continuing to die off. My body still has to repair itself.

But, the cancer met it’s match with LightHouse Dann Verner and I have been Blessed with a MIRACLE directly from God.

I want to cry I am so happy

When Maria and I left Princess Margaret Cancer Hospital it was pure joy and disbelief.

Praise God ♡

I will forever be giving thanks through prayer.

I will forever be amazed at the amount of people who joined my Prayer Army and showered me with nothing but Faith, Love and Prayers both night and day.

How do you say thank you to so many?

Maria, I fall deeper in love with you everyday. We have been through so much these past 7 years. I love you more than any words can say.

I can only show you my appreciation and gratitude for having you in my life.

#ATrueMiracle
#FuckCancer
#LightHouseDannVerner

Do My Testicle Look Swollen Because They Just Got Kicked Again

They say, whoever “they” are, that love is blind.

Well by God I must have been walking into quite a few walls these past 6 years.

I have closure now.

Actually I think the door slammed my ass because I didn’t move fast enough.

My biggest fear now is going to be will I lose trust in all women who say they love me?

Not in a friendship way because Lord knows I have plenty of female friends, more females than males.

I mean in a relationship way.

I have no desire to date again anyways but I also do not want to become a bitter old women hater of a man.

Looking back 7 years I had vowed never to date again, but one day in our hallway she glanced at me and her smile stirred something in my very soul.

I have been many a bad type of person over the years.

From growing up watching foster parents, my real parents and friends cheating on each other I vowed I would be honest with that part of any relationship I was in.

In all my years with Jennifer I stayed true.

I was a flirt, big time, still am. But why eat cookies if you have Angel food cake at home.

Many will not believe that but I know the truth and I will stand before St. Peter or the Lord himself and say, “Yes, I broke nine of the ten commandments my Lord, but I honoured my wife for over 30 years.”

Life goes on.

I have been granted yet another crack at the bat and I will play by the rules.

I never once in my life thought I would be able to say
“I am 61 years old.”

Yet here I am and I am willing to bet that in ten years I will be listening to Leonard Cohen and dancing with my beloved Pringles and Ruffles.

I cannot hate over love, for maybe at one point she did love me.

Maybe ….

I will have to believe that to be true because I don’t want to realize there are people that are that cold hearted in real life.

But, I have to ask myself why did she only visiting time out of all the two months I have fought for my life in these hospitals?

Would I do that to her? Not a hope in Hell, I would have sat beside her bed from day one for I did/do love her.

And now I must put on my “I am okay” face and carry on.

I Am Scared

Was all excited yesterday when I heard I was soon to go home, (Thursday), then an hour later, BAM!!!

I was a completely different person.

Very ill, extremely lathargic, dizzy, confused and in pain beyond comprehension.

I slept from one in the afternoon yesterday till 6 this morning. How does anyone sleep 17 hours?

Doctors are increasing my Fentanyl to 75 milligrams. “To make me comfortable ” was their words. I have found in the past that when doctors say such things to patients with terminal illnesses, what they really mean is they won’t let you die in pain.

I am not being paranoid. I was told from the get go that my chances of survival were slim. For 2 months I have heard everyday how everyone is amazed I have “made it” this far. Add in the constant use of words like make me comfortable, use as much pain medication as I feel I need, and then there are the constant “team meetings”.

And yesterday they asked how I felt about going into a hospice. No one walks out of a hospice.

All this makes you think the worse.

I have asked for a case conference later today because if what I suspect is true just send me home to be with my dogs.

But, I won’t know for sure until they all get at the same table and tell me. It’s hard when there are so many professionals involved. 2 regular oncologists, 2 radiation oncologists, 1 ENT surgeon, a whole team of pain palative care and five or six others from dieticians, physio and psychology.

Until then all I can do is pray and pray I will.

For Those Who Wonder Where I Have Been

As most of you know in late October I was diagnosed with Squamous Cell Carcinoma and Pharyngeal Cancer.

Due to the advance stage conventional chemotherapy and radiation were off the table.

My only options being surgery to completely remove my tongue, larynx and most everything else within my neck or radical radiation treatments twice a day for 20 days and see what the result would be.

I, of course, opted for the radiation. I began treatment in early December.

I had to have a gastric feeding tube implanted as I would definitely need it as treatment progressed.

I was doing well until early January when I developed a very large abscess in my lower abdominal cavity between my stomach and muscles.

Mind you, this abscess had nothing whatsoever to do with the cancers or the feeding tube. It just decided to appear and grow and grow.

The fine surgeons here at Princess Margaret Cancer Hospital immediately dealt with the demon infection. Part of the process involved inserting a necessary draining tube.

If it were not for bad luck I would have no luck at all.

Hence, I had many complications from the drainage tube requiring me to spend most of January in the hospital.

Fortunately, I was still receiving my radiation therapy as per scheduled.

The infection took a fair amount of time to get cleared up and by the end of January 2019 I was declared infection free and discharged to home.

I would resume my radiation therapy as an outpatient as per the original plan of care. I was so happy to finally get to go home after almost a whole month of hospitalization.

I arrived home February first. Very sore, but happy.

I slept well the first night. The second night I had a slight pain in my back but I put that off as getting used to sleeping on my own bed instead of the hospital bunk.

I am not sure what time I woke up that morning.

What I am sure of is that I woke to the most excruciating pain you could possibly imagine.

The pain was so intense I could not even scream for help. I literally had to call to the next room to wake my good friend who was watching over me.

I honestly thought I was going to die.

Immediately she called 911 and within minutes I was in an ambulance with a police escort rushing me to the nearest hospital at full speed.

All I remember about the ambulance ride was the EMS man telling the driver they had mere minutes to get me to surgery. My blood pressure was 49 over 43.

I passed out.

Next memory was surreal – I was in an elevator, someone was cutting my shirt off and I heard the surgeon say,

I have to open him right now.”

I felt the scalpel cutting through my abdomen and I saw my blood covering everyone in the elevator.

I passed out.

I awoke many hours later in ICU.

Surrounded by my family and dearest loved ones. I was not sure if I was alive or dead. But, when I blinked my eyes, everyone single one of them cried and I knew I had survived something very serious.

My spleen had literally exploded. Like a small nuclear bomb.

Apparently I had lost almost all my blood – if not for my living so close to a hospital I definitely would not be here to author this blog.

I spent one week in the Michael Garron Hospital in East York, Toronto. Bless the surgeons there for saving my life.

I was then discharged from there do I could go into Toronto General Hospital as an in-patient and then transferred across the street to Princess Margaret Cancer Hospital where I am now.

It sounds complicated but Toronto General, Princess Margaret, Mount Sinai and a few other medical facilities are all side by side and part of the same University Health Network and also connected to The University Toronto.

I am in one of the highest rated cancer hospitals in the world and I am forever thankful that the Creators have given me yet another chance to live.

My road to recovery is going to be a long difficult journey. The spleen is an important organ. Yes, you can live without it, but I need many vaccinations and for the rest of my days I will have to be very vigilant not to get infections and such.

My radiation therapy is back on track and I finish my first series of treatments on March the first. Which is also my oldest son’s birthday – so I take that as an omen of good fortune.

I will write more at some point down the road. I just wanted my followers to know why they haven’t heard from me in a while.

People, look around at your family and friends and let them know how precious they are to you. Life can change in the blink of an eye. Or the pop of a spleen. Never be afraid to tell them you love them.

I am a tough old dude with very tough masculine friends and I have no qualms hugging them, kissing them and saying, “I love you Brother. “

The greatest gift I received from this disaster was seeing my dearest and most close friend standing there with love and joy in his eyes when I blinked that first blink. To see my sons faces fill with relief when I spoke.

Life is a precious gift and to have life and love together cannot be matched by any other thing.

Namaste’

I Cannot ‘DO’ This

I have tried and tried to keep myself on the positive side of all this.

I knew if I were to start crying the tears wouldn’t stop.

I realize now that there is no positive side.

And the tears will not stop.

For where lays the positive side of dying a slow, very painful death?

Show me.

My Maria Angelica M who had said she would always be there for me through out this has up and walked away.

Her false vows of love meant nothing to her – easy to say, but much to me on this tearful darkened day.

Her anger misplaced on my shoulders leaving a trail of blame on my heart.

I am losing my home. I have no time to find a place before months end.

I have lost my beloved Maria Angelica M or perhaps she has lost me.

I have the love of Roy, Dakota, Lisa, Randy & Emma in my immediate life.

I have the extended love of family & my many friends.

But, as I have feared, the tears are here and they just will not stop.

Where is that shoulder to cry on Maria Angelica M?

Oh yes, I forgot.

They were texted with false nailed fingers and etched onto my heart.

Some falsehood testimonials of how we would never be apart.

I discovered one lie after another and and the blame you sent to my heart.

Your love and devotion were quite easily redirected and here is the saddest part.

Your reason for running to another was the most hurtful part.

It took you but one minute to easily rip out my heart and here I do quote the answer you sent to me and destroyed this foolish heart.

I “pissed you off so you turned around”. and abandoned me for your love was a lie from the start.

I needed that shoulder to cry on. But in your deceit towards me you had already found some other arms to hold you so lovingly sweet.

I was shown by a mutual friend and saw through my own eyes on your Facebook these words you did speak.

They were not written for me, but another love in your life.

You may as well etched them with a knife for they have scarred my broken heart.

I needed your false love, if only to get through this one storm.

Then like the many other times in six years you could roam night after night.

And once again leave me crying at home for yet one more night.

I needed that shoulder. I needed your false love, if only to get through this one storm.

For a false love is better than no love when your whole world has fallen apart.

Now, like the skies out this hospital window, my very heart and soul have turned stormy and dark.

For …..

These tears are too real and the pain is too great.

For this broken man named Dann whose soul needs a break.

These tears are embarrassing as I sit here on display.

And pray to the Creator above to take me this day.

I will cross into oblivion when Death has her way.

How easy it was to deceive me with the words of love you say.

I know I sound foolish and broken for believing the love you did say.

I was raised never to say I love you unless the love would forever stay.

I cannot stop loving you forever more each day.

For my love is more real than your hurtful display.

#LightHouseDannVerner #FuckCancer

Be a Lover Not a Liar.

I died the day I started to live.

I lived the day after I died.

Sounds strange. This I know.

What is death to you?

I won’t get into the details of my times experiencing death. I have wrote many blogs and a few books concerning that.

Death changed my perspective of life. It brought a sacred logic to the way I look at everyday existence.

Life became more precious and at the same time became lackadaisical. It is black and white with gray areas.

The gray areas are what defines our quality of life.

Wander too far into the gray and you may become trapped in a lightless world.

All living life requires ‘light’.

The greatest thing I have learned in my 61 years is that life without ‘Light’ can never be enjoyable.

Modern society has become so automated and stressful that the average soul only ‘exists’. They are alive but not living.

Love has become a mere word. It is spoken too freely. It has become almost meaningless to many.

Love is a word I speak ONLY when I truly mean it. If I tell you that I love you then I mean my heart, my soul and my whole existence loves you.

This is a simple but very deep message.

Don’t lie about loving and for God’s sake don’t love lying.

Do not play god with the hearts of others. No person has the right to destroy another person’s life.

Never ever cheat on a partner you have told you love. For by doing so you become a soulless liar.

Be a lover not a liar.

Let’s bring morality back into society.

Until then, I remain, Dann – just as I am.