Stress is killing me. Literally.
Those who know me understand why I say this.
Medically, since November 11th, 2016, I have battled through nine kidney surgical procedures. Including one that became infected and resulted with damaging my heart.
My first Laparoscopic Surgery
My heart has been iffy since an electrical accident in 1989, whereas I suffered electrocution resulting in a major heart attack.
For eighteen months I suffered with pericarditis.
Then came 1999. The most tragic year of my life.
During the month of February I noticed that with every step I took I felt a “shock” up my spine.
On March the fourth it became so severe I attended the emergency department at my local hospital.
March the fifth I was in surgery having my C2, C3, c5 and C6 dissected.
They used bone from my hip and Titanium Semple plates to re-build my neck.
I was five foot nine before the surgery and five foot seven after.
I passed away during the operation.
After a forty eight minute battle and the Blessed hands of Dr. Tek Soo I was, thankfully, revived.
This was the first of my ‘seven‘ deaths over the coming years.
The doctors were amazed that four hours after the seventeen hour operation I was up and walking.
That was a Friday.
Monday morning I was sitting at MY kitchen table having Morphine and coffee.
All the surgical team stated it was a miracle.
This contributed to my life falling to ruin.
Before the surgery I was a very well paid electrician making well over a hundred and twenty thousand per year.
After, I was on disability making a year what I once made per month.
To shorten this part of the story, let me just say that by 2004 I lost my wife of thirty two years.
I was consuming, via a pain management doctor, Fentanyl patches, combined with Oxycontin and Morphine.
I was an unwilling “Junkie“.
On August 22nd, 2002 I committed suicide.
(Read about this in “I COMMITTED SUICIDE ONCE” … lighthousedannverner.wordpress.com)
That was death number two.
I spent two weeks on life support.
After six years I quit all opiates, cold turkey, against medical advice.
I suffered yet another heart attack and dropped dead for a third time.
Once again waking up after many days on life support.
The only Blessing I received throughout all of this was the gift of my youngest son, Dakota.
Dakota’s birth gave me reason to fight for life.
During death number four I was “INSTRUCTED” to return to the living as he needed me.
I was dropping dead so often that no family member would jokingly say to me, “Drop dead”. Cause I may just have. Joking or not.
I would die three more times during the next few years. The worst leaving me on life support for a very long six weeks.
I authored a few blogs concerning my journey to death and back.
Justified to say my stress has gradually built every since. Like an invisible cancer growing, festering within me.
I have three boys from my wife.
Randy is nine years older than Jordan who is thirteen years older than Dakota. Thus, Dakota’s oldest brother is twenty-two years older than him. Quite the age gap.
Dann, Jordan, Randy
So, suffice to say that since that fateful day on March fifth, 1999, my life has been one stressor after another.
Now we are here in late August 2017.
Earlier this year, due to a severe mess up of my pension cheque, we lost our home.
Our lives have been a turmoil ever since.
If not for the kindness of friends, we would literally be living on the streets. LITERALLY!
Everyday is a constant struggle and each day I grow more desperate.
The greatest difficulty being how do I pay my way living in a friends home with my child and two loving sister pups, while also trying to feed us and, worst of all, save first and lasts month rent for a new home?
Pringles, Dann, Ruffles
With an income barely more than one thousand per month?
It is appearing as an impossibility.
I ask my beautiful Irish Guardian Angel, Sheena Eve, constantly to guide me to the proper path.
I seek consolation and reconciliation from my FAITH in YAHUWAH and the Blessings of my Natsarim beliefs.
Yet, my health is dwindling as I approach my sixtieth birthday this coming October the fifth. A day I pray I am Blessed enough to see.
We cannot continue to tax our friendships by overstaying in their homes.
Dakota begins high school in two weeks and there once again lays more financial burden upon my aged weakened shoulders.
Dakota and my dogs need and deserve a home. But, I am lost as to how to obtain the necessary funds to secure such.
Blessed I am to have such loving friends who I am sure will be glad when we depart their humble abode. For without them only the Creator knows where we would have been.
Unfortunately, there lays no agencies to assist me in this terrible plight.
My family is not in the position to help.
I have been on my own since the age of twelve and my life has many stories. Some happy – most sad.
I try to stay positive and take solace in prayer.
Alas, most days I fight the demonic thoughts of depression and battle the urge to just lay down upon the floor and give into the darkness………
But, I am “LightHouse Dann Verner” – a watchman in a modern day LightHouse. It would be a hypocrisy to fall into the darkness.
SO, I REMAIN, DANN – JUST AS I AM.
HOMELESS – SLEEPING ON THE FLOOR AND PRAYING FOR MY OWN DOOR.