Tag Archives: devotion

Am I Finally Broken, Never To Be Repaired?

I am lost.

I am all alone in a crowded world.

A cold world for sure.

It’s not like it was during my youth.

Society has changed. The people haven’t, but their ‘society‘ has.

So, I am left to ask you, the total stranger, am I finally broken, never to be repaired?

I blame most my demise on the era I went through my puberty in.

That sliver of time between the 1950’s and it’s gospel /bluegrass/country & Western musically influenced attitude and the 1960’s Dawning of Aquarius/LSD/Frank Zappa cultural shock era.

I embraced the latter lifestyle tightly. I still do to this day. Peace, Love & Hippie Dope – the artist eccentricity creating chaos in my heart.

My choice to bear the weight being a vagabond twelve year old hippie nomad led me into a world where feelings were real and emotions ran free. Everything was black and white.

It is what it is. Never sugar coat reality.

I was always partaking in one or more exploratory excursions into the expanded conciseness mindset.

The artist within me caused an eccentric side. I loved too honestly. I angered too deep. I was a nonconformist.

I was walking counterclockwise in a clockwise world.

My analytical side over examined all and everything within my realm of life.

The ten years of chasing Her Majesty, The Black Dragon, across her tinfoil highway did not help.

I have lived over six decades so far.

My life, or lives, has/have taken five autobiographical books thus far to enlighten ‘others‘.

I certainly have not lived a ‘normal‘ set of lives.

In a confessional way you could say that I have lived a tragic and chaotic youth.

Yet, from these sixty-one year old clouded eyes, I would confess from my standpoint that I merely ‘lived’ my life.

No one sees their life as it is perceived through the eyes of others.

“What is my greatest regret? you ask.”


I was a liar, cheat, thief, punk, gangster and killer in ALL aspects of all my lives – EXCEPT WHEN IT CAME TO LOVING SOMEONE.

I can go to Helheim or Valhalla knowing that in the matter of love, I was devoted one hundred percent into staying faithful, loving truly, madly, deeply and I never held back from confessing my love to my beloved.


A falsehood created by overthinking and over loving.

I only had a few true loves in my life.

All of which I dove heart first into.

My eccentric artist side painted fairytale portraits of family bliss on the canvas of my emotions.

My first true love being my teenage sweetheart of eight years.

She destroyed my heart by giving away my first born son and then cutting her own throat. Causing herself severe, irreversible brain damage, while I sat in the discomfort of Her Majesty’s Super Maximum Penitentiary.

The nerve of me to pay my debt to society!!!

Then there was my first wife.

I paid her mother fifty dollars for her.

True story.

Six weeks later we were legally married.

To each other.

Eight months later we were divorced.

From each other.

My Mother being horrifically murdered was more than her snitty self could handle.

I loved thinking we had been in love.

Number three lasted thirty-two years.

It was true love. No lie.

It became tainted by my rebel ways, my eccentric behavior and my constantly venturing into the Dark side.

This led to our growing apart from our original selves.

Not to say we didn’t have a good run.

We had many, many good years.

In today’s world it takes but one or two bad years to bury thirty good ones.

Unfortunately, my becoming a victim of a tragic industrial crippling accident was the catalyst of a ripple effect that ripped our family apart.

Our love for each other lost in the typhoon of modern life.

Again, the artist within had painted many a lifescape and my hands molded sculptures of everlasting bliss.

This lay cause to becoming greatly damaged emotionally upon the marriage disolution.

Then came my greatest and most cherished love. I am so deeply in love with her that I hurt.

I believe she strongly loves me, also.

But, she cannot express or confess the trueness of her love. She is robbed of enjoying the escasty and bliss of being truly loved. It was stolen by her being the victim of an expert manipulation of a Narcissistic Meth Head.

His brainwashing cut deep wounds across this beautiful soul’s heart.

My artistic eccentricity is causing me to self destruct. I have been living in a self potraited fantasy of living the rest of my life wrapped in the warmth of loving only her.

And she is brainwashed into believing and living in the shadows of fear planted by a sick excuse of a man.

My heart is hers – I call her “Mi Corazon” – for she is my heart. Each beat whispers her name.

I am trapped in my desires to be her man so badly that I cry.

I have to love her one hundred percent.

I am hurting myself loving her.

She is not capable of dropping her past abuses and allowing true love into her life.

A life she would honestly enjoy. If only she were capable of accepting affection.

I have been diagnosed with terminal cancer.

And I cry at the minimum of twelve hours per day.

Not over dying of cancer.

I cry because the kind soul buried deep within me cannot find the resources to show my truest love how to allow herself to be loved truly and faithfully.

I do not wish to die knowing she will live her life afterwards full of unretractable regrets.

She deserves a far better life than she has ever known.

I have earned my chance to finally be a real man and love the way love is portrayed to be.

Am I living a fantasy brought forth by the eccentric hippie attitude within?


Be a Lover Not a Liar.

I died the day I started to live.

I lived the day after I died.

Sounds strange. This I know.

What is death to you?

I won’t get into the details of my times experiencing death. I have wrote many blogs and a few books concerning that.

Death changed my perspective of life. It brought a sacred logic to the way I look at everyday existence.

Life became more precious and at the same time became lackadaisical. It is black and white with gray areas.

The gray areas are what defines our quality of life.

Wander too far into the gray and you may become trapped in a lightless world.

All living life requires ‘light’.

The greatest thing I have learned in my 61 years is that life without ‘Light’ can never be enjoyable.

Modern society has become so automated and stressful that the average soul only ‘exists’. They are alive but not living.

Love has become a mere word. It is spoken too freely. It has become almost meaningless to many.

Love is a word I speak ONLY when I truly mean it. If I tell you that I love you then I mean my heart, my soul and my whole existence loves you.

This is a simple but very deep message.

Don’t lie about loving and for God’s sake don’t love lying.

Do not play god with the hearts of others. No person has the right to destroy another person’s life.

Never ever cheat on a partner you have told you love. For by doing so you become a soulless liar.

Be a lover not a liar.

Let’s bring morality back into society.

Until then, I remain, Dann – just as I am.


Exhaustion is not only a physical affliction.

Succumbing to mental exhaustion is often misconstrued as “Depression“.

Although they are often hand in hand, they are two separate and stand alone maladies. 

I am very emotional and generally, ‘mentally’ done. 

I am ‘tired’. 

I am very ‘tired’.

It is to the extreme whereas I could easily slip into an agoraphobic coma. 

If only to escape the realities of my life and the sixty years twenty four days I have ‘Walked With Dann‘.

Yet, I am not depressed.  

Perhaps I should be. 

Most adults living as I do would certainly have spiraled down the dark caverns of depression.

I am not permitted that luxury.

I was raised far too strong for that. 

I am not capable of sitting in a corner, wet cheeked, whilst crying out, “Poor me”. 

Of waiting for Princess Charming to come along, kiss my aged lips and rescue me from all my life’s tragedies. 

Yet, here I am. ‘Tired’.

Very ‘Tired‘.

I wish I could rest. 

Meditation calms my thoughts, soothes aching muscles, but has yet to bring relief to my unrest. 

I have been this way for nigh on five years now. 

Fear and six decades tell me it shall last till my ascension. 

Apparently it is a human genetic affliction. 

We all have it. A genetic secret that accompanies us to our grave. 

That final ‘six by three farm‘ we all retire to.

I am ‘Tired’. 

I am very ‘Tired’.

What causes this?

Our socalled ‘superior’ race has been ‘self harmed’. 

We purposely design and commit ourselves to a never ending sensory overload. 

Our modern lifestyle has become twenty-eight hours squeezed into a twenty-four hour day.

Our thumbs have become slaves to high definition screens. 

Most check their electronic devices constantly. 

To the extent which I believe twenty years down the path will cause a health care overload of elder people with severe neck damage . 

I haven’t seen my friends faces in over five years now. 

If it were necessary for me to identify their bodies I would do so by their bald spots or perhaps the part of their hair.

We have no ‘me’ time. 

Often we say we are taking ‘me’ time, but in reality we take time to do whatever we did not have time to do in our regular over extended lives.

Since the time of Gilgamesh, man has strived to become bigger, better, faster and smarter.

 “The only reason we humans believe we are the superior race is we have never  been capable to communicate with other species to discover we are not.” (LDV 12/15/2002)

I speak to and with my dogs.  

I honestly believe that they understand me. 

Beyond any doubt. 

They attempt to speak to me. 

Their body movements, subtle whines and growls and their eyes all speak to me. 

But I can’t hear what their saying. 

Only what I perceive them or hope for them to say.

But, we, being so ‘superior‘, have no way of knowing for sure what any other species is telling us.

All the creatures on Planet Earth communicate effortlessly with each other. The mouse speaks to the cat who speaks to the dog who speaks to the cattle whom speak to the wolves who speak to the ravens who speak to the flies who speak to the spiders. 

Who are we capable of conversing with and what other creature do we exchange knowledge with?

On a good day we are barely capable of speaking to each other.

We are definitely NOT the superior species on this beautiful Big Blue Marble.

If I could be Blessed to understand and speak with another species, I would inquire as to whether they, too, were ‘Tired‘.

I am ‘Tired‘.

I am very ‘Tired‘.

Are you also ‘Tired’?

I would suspect that the other creatures are ‘Tired‘.

‘Tired’ of watching mankind excellerate their existence beyond their  physical and psychological capabilities. 

Fatigued with fleeing the destruction of humans. 

Exhausted with our blatant superiority complex. 

Our ‘Holier than thou’ attitudes.

We have managed to lose our natural  rhythmic pulse. 

That inner drum that keeps our mortality in ‘check’

That tells us when to rest.

That was designed to warn us when we are becoming, you guessed it, ‘Tired’.

Lest we become psychologically ‘Tired‘.

Regardless of all this, I am at peace with myself, YOU, Planet Earth and The Cosmic Muffin, herself.

I am ‘Tired’.

I am very ‘Tired‘.

Aren’t we all?

Try slowing life down. 

Try understanding creatures. 

Try, real hard, to set the electronic devices down and looking at and speaking to each other at the dinner table.

Mankind is on a Nantucket Sleigh Ride that will end in a spiritual oceanic calamity.

It is instilled within our very DNA to never be satisfied.

To always want more.

The problem with that attitude lays in the facts that if we are never to be satisfied,  how will we ever reach our imaginary final goal?

Suffice to state we will always be ‘Tired’.

So, in conclusion, I must thank you for taking time out of your busy life to read my words.

I pray you rested your psyche for even a moment.

So as you won’t be as drained and end up like me, “Dann – just as I am”.

Because  …….

I am ‘Tired’.

I am very ‘Tired’.


A Tale of Two Angels and Queens

Love” is often discussed.  

Occasionally practised.

Rarely experienced. 

In this age of mankind, the word ‘love‘ is as overly used as an asthma inhaler. 

Often rapidly fabricated to express non-existent truths so as phallic gratifications may be reached.

I never knew of ‘love” as a child.

I believed in ‘sexual love‘ as a youth.

I ‘rookie‘ loved my first few ‘baby Mom’s’.

I wholeheartedly, beyond doubt, truly am undeniably in ‘Emotional Love‘ with my top two Queens.

I discovered what ‘to love‘ actually meant during the past ten years of my six decades living this ‘extended puberty‘.

Unfortunate for me, I am Blessed with Irish longevity  and I have as yet to become a ‘Geriatric‘.

No Viagra or ‘Assemby‘ required. 

I found love. 

Not the generic common perceived connection.  


I have not only discovered it.

I have actually and forevermore shall ‘KNOW‘ it’s true definition.  

My soul has blended within the radiant euphoria of the strongest and primary emotion.

The genetic demand to firstly exchange beliefs, likes, dislikes, wants and all that blends two living beings into a singular soul. 

And secondly the physical bonding accompanied by the ecstasy of orgasms. 

I love more than one beautiful woman.

I love them equally and I love them the same, but not the “same”.

They are well aware each other exists. 

They know each other.

They live in the same building – two worlds and two floors apart. 

For – as are all people – they are two unique individuals with totally different thoughts and ways. 

I would never be so deceitful as to clandestinely attempt to deceive any of my “Queens“.

(Bear in mind, we males percieve ourselves as ‘Kings’, but yet we are lowly ‘Princes’ in a land of wisdomed ‘Queens’.)

For to even muse such a thought would, firstly, prove I “lied” about “love“. 

Secondly, a person’s feelings are not a ‘toy‘.

Not a game piece in the process of ejaculation.

Love should never be an illusion. 

Love should never be faked. 

Love is a powerful emotion.

Love should only be spoken when true.

As stated, I am deeply in love with  more than one Devine Lady.

SEX has nothing to do with my love for them whatsoever. 

Friendship is the foundation of love.

They hold an equal level on my pedestal of friendship. 

You can love deeply without making it sexual. 

I do not practise the animalistic, genetically instilled act of “fornication”.

I would/will do without rather than degrade my loved or myself. 

Unless I am to make ‘Love‘ when both our souls should seek such.

Sex is merely an animalistic act to bring forth procreation. 

If your amorous emotions are true then you will “make love“, not just do mattress push-ups till you blow your ecstasy whistle. 

Love making is the ultimate dance that proves the blending of souls.

Sex is degrading to both parties. 

The aggressor is acting on physical desire.  

The receiver is no less than a receptacle,  a means to an end. 

Love has no concern with sex.

Sex is a fringe reward of having love. 

It is not, nor ever shall be, an ‘ingredient‘ of actual  love.

You do not toy with the essence of procreation. 

I love all types of women. 

I do not see ‘race’. 

I see the aura, beauty and person behind the eyes. 

I see and get to know the ‘person’. 

Then I ‘meet’ the ‘woman’.

Women are a gift to man from the Cosmic Muffin herself.  

You do not diss the Cosmic Muffin. 

Women are placed here to bring us into the world. 

Here to protect men from acting on their idiotic impulses. 

Here to bandage our stubborn caused self inflicted wounds

Here to guide and teach us how to live, love and laugh. 


The faces within this photo can not lie about the love in our hearts.

I love my beautiful alluring Maria beyond explanation. 

How could I not love the woman behind these gorgeous Spanish eyes?

How could I not melt when touched by the words these perfect lips utter?

When I embrace her petite Latino frame, her gentle loving energies flow through me like a fish in the sea.

My  testosterone  level doubles.

BUT,  it is not “sexual” urges. 


Rather, from deep within my mind there rises a volcanic rush of euphoria,  an increase in body temperature and my mind wanders to the fields from ‘Little House On The Prairie” mixed with “A Game of Thrones“.

My imagination plays an Imax film of the two of us holding hands and dancing amidst drunken Latino girls with Carlos Santana serenading the parade.

I have been Blessed to watch her daughter grow from a wee lass to a preteen girl with a fantastic smile and  caring soul.

It is without a doubt that if need be I would willingly jump in front of a bullet or destroy anyone who attempted to harm my Maria or her beautiful daughter.

I kid you not when I state, 

I would DIE to protect my Fuego de Corazon”.

I would do so without hesitation or remorse. 

And that, my people,  is a minute descriptor of how I love and ‘appreciate” my Maria for these past six years and hopefully for sixty more years to follow .

“Ella es el fuego en mi corazón y la calma en mis tormentas. 

Es mi reina, mi amiga y mi confidente.”


“I would post pictures of ‘George’, but she emits such a bright violet aura it actually prevents her being mechanically imaged”.

Be it known as biblical fact that ‘George‘ has changed my life, for the far better, just by being herself.

They say their God works in mysterious ways.  

He must. For this rare gem of a very well raised alluring woman has saved my life numerous times and never passed judgement on me. 

Instead, she offered her logic and advice and love.

And no one but her and I will understand how she has touched all that is ‘me’ .

I, beyond all and any doubt, love my “George” in a soul deep manner that few souls will ever be Blessed to experience.  

I can in no way describe the appreciation that our nine Blessed years of close friendship has instilled within me.

In my sixty years and twenty-one days on this planet I have never experienced a comfort as that which our friendship envelopes me in.

There are no words that could measure the extent of which my soul fuels itself from the mere thoughts of her magnificent blonde hair accentuating her beautiful face as she elegantly sips her morning tea.

Such a simplistic gesture becomes a romantic dance to the tune of Leonard Cohen’s, “Dance Me To The End Of  Love “. 

My mental batteries are energized by mere glances of her. 

Even from afar.

With a simple few steps across a room she turns me into a nervous high school pubescent puppy. 

For sure I blush and stutter.

How could I explain the nameless feeling that intoxicates me when we accidently brush ever so lightly against each other? 

Perhaps a suffice comparison would be equivalent to the touch of an Angel. 

(Yes, that is close).

Nine years ago I had no close friends.  

Nine years later I do. 

I lost trust years ago when my wife of thirty-two years ran off with my pot dealer.

I miss him. 

He always had top notch weed.

I miss the wife, too. 

I should buy a scope. 

(It’s is a joke people, distasteful, disgraceful,  but funny as a blind man on a motorcycle. GEESE, LIGHTEN UP!)

Dare if you were to ask who of all my ‘Queens‘ I loved greater. Yes, there are other ‘Queens’. Buy my upcoming book to walk with Dann to his love patch. Lol)

Impossible question  to attempt an answer. 

Without any doubt there are no words that can convey to anyone this solitare iconic love.

I fracking love ‘George‘. 

I ‘LOVE’ her!!!

I love her as deeply as I love life. More so, dare I say.

I would not hesitate to die for ‘George‘. 

Be it a speeding train or someone attempting to harm her.  

I love George for allowing me to be part of her three beautiful daughters lives. 

I have grown to call them my ‘almost‘ daughters. 

My acknowledgement of their place in my heart. 

Her two grandsons affectionately call me ‘Aunty Dann‘. 

Their precious acknowledgement of my place in their wee hearts.  

A true honour by my book. 

The joy and honour of watching my almost daughters mature and grow from babes in the woods and blossom into confident young ‘Ladies‘ is unmatchable. 

The Blessing of watching ‘George‘ raise her children with her extremely devoted method of motherhood is a true gift from our Creators.

Love is confusing at best and best at confusion.  

Like the crystalline beauty that each snowflake represents – the millennia of love types.

No two are identical.

None can be reproduced. 

My heart is not torn between my loves. 

They are equally distributed.  

I hold the same amount of endearment towards all those I love.  

Although society states we can only have one true love, I can definitively bear witness that love can be in multiple states. 

That there exists numerous facets and types of devotional emotions. 

I could write all day long about all my ‘other‘ loves, but that is for another time.

Suffice to say that these true words are LightHouse Dann Verner’s way to express to all my ‘Queens‘ that before I became Blessed with knowing their love I first discovered my ‘RESPECT‘, my ‘APPRECIATION‘ and my ‘ATTRACTION‘ of the person, not just the woman, they are.

I praise the Creators daily for you, ‘George’ and for you, ‘Mi Fuego de Corazon‘, my beautiful Maria.

The Creators aligned our paths to intersect and merge into such a beautiful and gifted Empyrian Pool of friendship and love for reasons only they do know. 

And I am grateful, thankful and Blessed to know that someday you will understand the greatfulness  and euphoric calmness you two gorgeous Angels have gifted to this battered, seasoned aged man.

I love you ‘George ‘ in such a unique way that I  cannot begin to explain to you. 

Only attempt to show the best I may.

I love you Maria.  I need you in my life for always and a day. 

I will gladly walk side by side with you for eternity.

If I were a younger man with the means to give BOTH of you the lives that you and your babies deserve, I would gladly do so.

Never in my long complicated life did having tea with an Angel hold such a spiritual bond.

Thank you my beautiful Ladies and on bended knee I kneel before you – as your Prince, as your devoted friend and most of all as the man who is not shy to speak these magical words,


So sayeth the LightHouse Dann Verner on this twenty- six day of October 2017.

Namaste’ my friends. ♡

MI Corazon,  MI Fuego

Can love be measured? 

How does one measure an emotion?

Perhaps it may be tallied by the unexpected embraces or the euphoria of the spontaneous kiss.

I have grown to realize that there are many categories of ‘love‘.

The most common being “friendship” love. 

That emotion and comfort we all get from knowing a person has earned the love and the respect garnering the “Friend” label.

LIFE” love is a rarity. 

It would be a disillusionment to believe the ‘Love of Life’ resides in everyone. That is a privilege for the greater minority. 

Some believe “sex” is “Love“. (It is not.  It is merely ‘sex’)

Ironically,  there does exist “Love OF sex”. 

Now, that is a humorous flaw in the human genetics. 

The second most damaging love is “Euphoric” love.

That human trait of constantly seeking escapism from daily realities. 

Be it via adrenalin rushes, influences of drugs, staggers of alcohol or peculiar fetishes, we all have our personal ‘highs’. 

Numero uno of the damaging love is,  hands down, “False” love.

That love directed at you by a spouse or endeared, but falsified by adultery or deceit. 

Which brings us to “True” love. 

How do you measure the strongest emotional instinct embedded within us? How?

I have true love towards a beautiful soul. 

An alluring Latino Queen with a golden Spanish heart.

Mi Corazon. Mi fuego.

My true friend and confidant. 

A Very Happy & Loving Day In My Life

You could say, “I love her with all my heart and soul”

But, is that a measure?

I know I truly do love mi Corazon. 

No matter what I may opposite imply.

That area of my mind that plays tunes and flashes emotions at me periodically tells me so.

When for no reason I wish I were holding her. 

(Namely due to the fact my ‘Lighthouse ‘ radar tells me she is in need of a hug)

Is knowing and ACTUALLY feeling her emotions a true measure of how much I love her?

Or the daydream of couch cuddling in front of the television?

Maybe it is when I awaken, nervously,  from a deep sleep and wish she were next to me just because. 


Our lives are unusual in the everyday sense.

We are NOT a couple. 

We were. 

We may be again.

We ARE very close friends. 

We are so aligned that we can have conversations without speaking a word. 

She knows how to soothe the savage beast within me. 

She comforts my pains. 

I can cry without embarrassment in her presence.

But, her truest gift is her honesty to me. I do believe her words.  

Unfortunately,  I am burdened with ‘age’. I am sixty years old in eleven days. Twenty plus years her senior. 

Is it fair for me to have such deep love and feelings for a gorgeous woman who will definitely outlive me by many a year?

My main reason for not continuing dating her was that my love for her, at the time, was great enough I realized my lifestyle would damage her.

And I loved her then and even more now,  but, I did not and do not want to cause her stress, sorrows or pain.

I have quit the previous lifestyle. 

And I spend a minimal of ten hours each day wishing I were next to her. 

That I could smell her hair as my arms embrace her and our ‘Lights’ entwine.

My love is strong enough that I am extremely at ease with being her friend with ‘cuddle rights’.

Mi Corazon, mi fuego

My heart, however, wants to nuture, RESPECT, protect and LOVE her always. 
Maybe “True Love” is measured by how much testosterone is released when the loved one is thought of?

I believe love is not measurable.  

It is infinite and existing in a non-existent manner. 

Love is feeling each other without effort or doubt. 

Love is ageless yet ages.  Like a fine Irish whiskey. 

Love is the flutter in my heart when I hold my Spanish Queen. 

Love is calmness in my soul when she hugs me back.

Love is my finding mi Corazon more sensually  attractive each day. 

Love is the excitement I feel when I first see her.

Love does not always mean cohabitation.

Love is definitely NOT control. 

Falling deeper in love the more she matures into a vision of womanhood.

Love is the heart, the soul and the mind becoming one and teaching you that love is real and before your very eyes.

Luckily,  I’m a LightHouse and am Blessed to see, feel and know love from mi Corazon.


Mi amor es fiel a mi sensual reina española de mi corazón. 

El fuego en mi alma. 

La calma en mi corazón y el pensamiento constante en mi mente. 

Te amo Corazón y mucho más, mucho más que eso, te aprecio como eres. 

De mi alma a la tuya.

My love is true to my sensual Spanish Queen of my heart.  

The fire in my soul. 

The calmness in my heart and the constant thought in my mind. 

I love you Corazon and more, much more than that, I appreciate YOU as YOU are. 

From my soul to yours.

So sayeth the LightHouse Dann Verner on this twenty-fourth day of September, 2017.