Tag Archives: faith

The Original Hippie or Perhaps, “Has Anyone Seen My Prophet? “

This blog I originally published 10 years ago.

My views and beliefs are still somewhat the same.

Since what I have been through in the last three months my Faith has grown much stronger.

What I am trying to convey here is that how do we identify a “prophet”?

A false prophet is easily discovered, but how in today’s society would we be able to recognize a true prophet. For all we know we may have the real one locked up in an institution with the numerous false ones.

Or he/her cold be hiding their identity until society learns to stop killing each other in the name of “religion”.

I truly believe that Jesus existed and was somehow able to communicate with the Creator. I believe he was very intelligent and far ahead of his time .

You have to keep in mind that in his time ninety percent of man were uneducated, illiterate and still worshipping false idols.

Could a charismatic, educated man be capable of influencing followers? Hell, yes most certainly.

Jesus could have been an alien or the last brilliant mind to come from Atlantis for all we really know.

Why we’re the first 14 books of the Bible removed by “religious” leaders of the day?

There is a great difference between being a religious follower and a true believer of faith.

All the “Holy Books” of that time had to be written in simple language form so as the average citizen could understand the messages.

Our genetic need to be the best and only one who knows what is truth has misconstrued what Jesus was sent to teach us.

But, we murdered him because, firstly, he was right and secondly, he was far too charismatic and thereby a threat to all religions .

So, here we had this poor soul traveling the world trying to enlighten society on the ten Commandments and teach us how to live peaceful and meaningful lives.

We returned the favor by killing him in the name of religion .

There have been many more “true prophets” since Jesus. But, modern day “religion” has been able to make us disbelievers of truth so as Faith does not interfere with the big money game we have labeled “Religion”.

Because we have not evolved much since Jesus’s time .

Which leaves us wondering, as I state below, “Who is the Jesus of this time period?

Originally published in July 2009 in my http://dannverner.blogspot.ca site ……….

The Original Hippie

I was recently asked if I believed in Jesus Christ.

What anxiety this raised within me – it was though I had been waiting for some soul to ask me this deep question.

Here is my mindset on this controversial topic.

I definitely believe in Jesus.

I believe he walked upon this big blue marble.

I believe he spread the words of the Creators.

I believe he was a man who was ahead of his time in the area’s of logic, societal disposition and culture.

Jesus was a man.

I do NOT believe he was the SON OF GOD. (Where is Mrs. God?)

Whoa, now I have stepped into it……..so, here I go…………..

Jesus was a Prophet.

Jesus was a peaceful, gentle scholar who wished only to make an immature society overstand the reality of spiritualism and human reality.

Jesus was the original Hippie.

Jesus was born at the wrong time.

Jesus was persecuted for his overstanding of what this plain of existence was, is and shall be.

In the rock opera, “Jesus Christ Superstar”, the title song asks the question, “Why did you choose such a backward time in such a backward land?”. Did he choose? Or was that what the Creators decided was necessary for the plain of space/time continuum in this particular multiverse?

Jesus was a soul man.

Through all time, through all plains of reality and through all seven multi-universes there has been Prophets. Be it Jesus, Siddhartha, Gandhi, Aristotle or John Lennon, makes no nevermind – they are just the vessel. The message is always the same. To quote Led Zeppelin, “The Song Remains The Same”.

Jesus was the father of the peace, love, forgiveness and unity movements.

LEAVES ONE TO WONDER, “WHO IS THE JESUS OF NOW?

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In My Secret Life

We all have many ‘lives‘ per se.

We all have that one secret life. With most it is a harmless secret.

I have put most my lives out there. In blogs and in my novels.

Yet, I have that one life I rarely reveal …….

My ‘secret‘ life.

The one where I cry dry tears, moaning silent cries of regrets and anguish.

To quote Leonard Cohen,

“I bite my lip
I buy what I’m told:
From the latest hit
To the wisdom of old
But I’m always alone
And my heart is like ice
And it’s crowded and cold
In my secret life”

The one that haunts my sleep and steals my rest. Leaving me ashamed and broken.

The one I have no words to describe. The one that stole my happiness in life.

I had a concept of happiness in my life, not to say I had never experienced such. But, I stole that from myself by my refusal to follow my dreams at a younger age. A theft of my future. Robbing myself of what my life could have been if I had dropped the masks of being an old school rebel tainted by my hatred of living.

Perhaps it was my Heroin fogged adolescent years. Or perhaps the intoxicated cloud of my twenties. It may have even been my refusal to secure a solid base for my elder years.

It may be the guilt of stealing away my many children’s futures.

It definitely has led to my self flogging. To my lashing my spiritual back thirteen stripes each and every evening before I lay down to suffer the horrors of flashbacks for crimes of my past.

I have done things most only read about in novels or see upon the screens of televisions during prime time movies.

Things best never revealed. Lest cause more pain for my family and friends.

I have danced with the Devils. I have shared meals with Evil. I have choked down the truth as I concocted lies to cover my tracks. Burying the evidence six cold feet below the eyes of society.

I will dance with the Devils again. In an eternal ballet of penance and regrets. Karma and her brother Chaos have shadowed me for six decades. They await me still in Valhalla.

Perhaps my beloved mother, (ironically her name is ‘Mary‘), saw this at my birth. Thus, leaving me to thrive or die at six months of age.

I have ‘Walked‘ my seven plains of time and space continuum’s. My eighth, the final ‘Walk” we all will stride, shall be my version of your ‘Heaven‘ or far more likely your ‘Hell“.

I already know what awaits me after my final death. Perhaps many years from now when I know it is my time I shall write that final chapter in a book or blog.

Part of my penance has been remembering my first seven cracks at the bat of life. We are not suppose to remember the ‘Seven Walks’. That is a pleasure only those with no guilt get to enjoy. Reserved for those who followed society’s basic rules. Your Ten Commandments, for lack of a better term. I broke nine of the Biblical ten – I have never committed adultery while still with my beloved wife. Having not divorced and having been separated for years, as she went her way and I mine, I have technically committed adultery as defined by their Bible.

In reality, I have never strayed while loving and living with my wife, Jennifer.

“Why eat a cookie when you have a beautiful cake at home?”

All my life I often joked that I was awaiting the return of the ‘Mothership‘. This I now know was my inner child waiting for my mother to return to that cold, damp crib in that empty house and show me a mothers love. I never have had the opportunity to be rewarded with that emotion.

My secret life is/was the pain that moment implanted into my soul. The Mothership will never come. For that ship blasted off to a different world then I shall ever know.

The scars of her choice left me with a defiance and darkness that can not be explained. The only physical evidence being my life of refusing to bend to the ways of man. My strong willed desire to shout blatantly,

“And I will not be commanded
And I will not be controlled
And I will not let my future go on
Without the help of my soul.”
(The Lost Boy – Greg Holden)

But, does one born into evil and abandonment have a soul?

Unfortunately for me, I am not in the position to answer that. For what I experienced while dead seven times I am not able to explain in words. I have detailed most of the experiences as best I could in my books and past blogs.

Some things are best left untold so as not to destroy your concept of life and death.

I have tried to make amends. Hence my inviting you to come “Walk With Dann.” A futile attempt to reach out to hopefully steer one soul away from the path I chose.

My Walks with you can only take you as far as your reality. For my reality is only shared with others who have strode a similar path as I have. I am not the only one to have been cursed with remembering the Seven Walks. Knowing that number eight holds no choice. That there will be only one path the final ride. Not the seven choices we are all given with the first seven. Dante’ knew of these when he scribe his “Inferno”.

The saddest part of all this is that I have many years yet to pay my penance. There lay before me decades carrying the weight of wrongs upon my broken back. I suspect I shall bear this cross till I reach the age of 112. For I have been told by the Creators that I shall live till then. Mind you they lay no guarantee that it will be a pleasant journey. In fact, it will be a painful existence wrought with discomfort and pain.

Physics teaches that for every action there lays an equal yet opposite reaction. Faith teaches the same. Good versus evil – push versus pull. Light versus dark. Truths versus lies.

Each night for nigh on sixty years I have been plagued with sleep not arriving until all my wrongs play out like a collection of short vignettes and seal my eyes into sleep with dry tears and silent screams.

This is my “Secret Life

 

DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SEXUAL PREFERENCES AND MOST MAMMALS ARE BORN ONE OF “TWO” SEXES

So, once again I have irked a FaceBook troll by sharing this meme …

 

 

Now, I may be totally wrong, but to me this ‘meme’ simply states that humans are born with either of the two known sexual organs and/or urinary appendages.

Soooooooo, a very reclusive once friend of mine comments this ….

 

“Phoebe Alicia Gonsalves
Phoebe Alicia Gonsalves What a sad and ordinary life you live… ignorance unbounded. But it’s ok, I still love you and yo ain’t shit right now self 😙”

 

Here’s the screen shot…..

 

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Which led to me answering this ….

 

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Here I wrote it out to make it easier to read……

 

“I’ve been on this planet almost 61 years. Never met anyone who didn’t have either a penis or a vagina. Sexual preferences have nothing to do with what sex organ you were born with. In almost all species there is male and female. If I wore a dress I would still have to shake my fracking dick after I pissed. Real life isn’t a fracking FaceBook ideology. I don’t care if “I ain’t shit right now ” – NO MATTER WHAT AT THE END OF THE DAY YOU ARE EITHER MALE OR FEMALE, UNLESS AGENT ORANGE MADE YOU BORN WITH BOTH. IT’S A CHOICE TO PREFER THE SAME SEX. Can a man and a woman have a homosexual relationship? No! It takes either two men or two women. So therefore, there has to be two sexes. Not seven or eight. I’ve been called a “shit” often
I just shake my penis and say “Oh well”. Then I wipe my MALE ass with Cottonelle and go about my day.”

 

Well, I stepped into that cesspool of Facebook illogical ideology and she answered ….

 

“This entire rant^ point proved. Sexual preference and gender identity are separate, but there’s no arguing with over 60 and bored. A facebook ideology? You spam your wall with more trash than a tumblr feminist lol it’s all good though, I’m sure you got all your ducks in a row by now with all that real world wisdom you have ”

 

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Soooooo, I put my other foot into the dung heap and fell further into her trap ….

 

“At least I don’t spam my OWN wall with bigoted “white privilege” rants or dark macabre shit. I can’t spam my OWN wall. The point the person who made the meme was making is that from a scientific or even medical point of view we are born one of TWO physical sexes. NOT EVERYTHING IS BASED ON BEING A PRIDE SUPPORTER. NOT EVERYTHING IS BASED ON GENDER OR SEXUAL PREFERENCES. SO, judge me all you fucking want,because if you are so “modern thinking” then you would realize that a penis is on a male, a vagina is on a female. My post -which was shared from another’s wall simply states that boys have penis, girls have vaginas. All the insults in the world won’t change that. Did I insult you? So, sit naked in your bedroom full of weird sex devices pretending to be living a heterosexual life and if in the next few years you ever go outside – look around. There’s only two sexes of mankind – but mankind has many versions of “sexual preference”.

Oh, and insult me all you like. My life is normal and I can even leave my house without being a stuck up judgmental anti-white recluse”

 

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Then I added …

 

“Here’s a little blog of mine – sort of off topic but the gist of my message is the same”

 

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Now, I realize I am not a medical doctor nor a biologist, but I have had a penis all my life.

We are actually quite attached to one another.

We get along very well.

I do have times where I speak before thinking. It is one of the fallacies of being a human. Once I realize I am wrong I will readily try to rectify my wrongs.

This is an atypical example of people partially reading something and forming an unjust opinion. It also shows the evils of social media.

I could care less what or who anyone prefers to have sexual relations with.

With exception of pedophiles and bestiality. That  would definitely make me hurt you.

Seriously hurt you.

Facts are facts – you have a Johnson – you are a man.

You have a Gina – you are a woman.

Be awful hard for two gay men to maintain a relationship if one has a vagina.

Be equally as hard for two lesbians if one had a penis.

I haven’t a clue about all these other  imaginary sexes.

I didn’t know they existed until we got a weirdo for a Prime Minister.

But, I am positive even your average LGBTQRSTUVWXY person understands that the Creators gave us only two sexes. 

I am also positive that a gay man has no use for a vagina, nor would a lesbian care to have a partner with a penis.

THIS ALSO STRENGTHENS MY BELIEF THAT THE INTERNET HAS EXCEEDED SOCIETY’S ABILITY TO USE IT WISELY.

SOCIAL MEDIA IS A SAWED-OFF SHOTGUN IN THE HANDS OF AN IDIOT.

MANY OF US USE IT FOR AN OUTLET TO MARKET OUR WORDS AND PRODUCTS.

FACEBOOK IS AS USELESS AS A BOOK ON ASSES. ARMCHAIR POLITICIANS AND ADOLESCENT ADULTS TELLING THE WORLD HOW SORRY THEIR LIVES ARE OR ADDING TO THE CONFUSION OF ALREADY CONFUSED AND OVER STIMULATED YOUTH.

Same as cell phone games. They have become cellular “crack“. I know many people who spend their whole lives “playing their game“. Spending their food and living money on gems and upgrades. Only to cry later at how poor they are.

The game creators attach hypnotic music and have made it so as soon as you “upgrade“, spending ridiculous amounts of money, you will immediately need yet another “upgrade”.

And the idiots fall for it.

Because of watching these friends I have deleted my games, never to play them again.

Well, folks, hopefully I haven’t peeved you all off.

I have to go check my crotch to see if perhaps I am wrong about what sex I am.

But, I shall be back soon to annoy or entertain you once again.

Until then, I remain, Dann – just as I am. Penis intact.

Namaste’

 

(P.S. – I will soon be deactivating my FaceBook accounts as I believe FaceBook has reached it’s peak and is now as useless as a winged bull. It is just a haven for teenage harlots,drug addicts, drug dealers and shut in bingo Mom’s.)

 

To the WORLD I offer my apology Trudeau may cause to or in your homelands

Following is a letter I have sent to my country’s so-called “Leader”. It is self-explanatory.

 

To the WORLD, on behalf of my fellow Canadians I offer my apology for what the actions of Trudeau may cause to or in your homelands.

 

Please feel free to copy and send this if you so desire.

 

There is a large difference between helping refugees and REFORMING EXTREMISTS!!!!

Mr. Prime Minister,
First off, let me state that YOU are extremely ‘Anti-Canadian’.
Secondly, with your love for these Islamic extremist you have made our country a laughing stock worldwide.
Thirdly, my baby brother gave a quarter of a century – over half his life, to protect his fellow countrymen from the same people you are embracing.
Fourthly, if you want to rule as a Socialist under the guise as a ‘Liberal’ then please go to Cuba and carry on the twisted ideals of your father and mother’s good friend Fidel Castro.
Fifthly, you make me ashamed to be Canadian.
There is far more to serving the citizens who you WORK for than legalizing marijuana and globetrotting at our expense claiming to fight the good fight for gender confusion, women’s rights and preaching how we should “embrace” the very people who would/will imprison or execute us for not following their so-called religion.
What do you suppose will happen to citizens like your mother if Sharia Law comes into effect?
Just the picture of her from Club 54 with no underwear would get her stoned – and not in the marijuana way.
All these LGBTQ groups you did blatantly support would be beheaded and/or tortured.
Personally, I would definitely be imprisoned and tortured for my beliefs.
You, Sir, are not representing the majority of Canadians, but rather the minority who have taken hold of the mainstream media and drowned out the silent majority.
If you have any democratic sensibilities then you would call an election.
The Liberal Party ideologies and your instilled Socialism taught to you by your parents, Castro and the Quebecois is NOT the Canadian way.
A utopian world will never exist in our lifetimes or for many lifetimes to come. Human nature has not evolved enough for this to be a reality in any form other than box office movies and good novels.
Everyone but YOU, can see a serious 9/11 attack coming to Canada or, worse, to our neighbours via Canada.
Which, the latter, will have great repercussions for all of us.
In conclusion, I have attached An open letter of which I totally agree with.
Sincerely;
Daniel Verner
An open letter to Justin Trudeau.
The Right Honourable Justin Trudeau.
Prime Minister of Canada.
Office of the Prime Minister.
80 Wellington Street Ottawa,
Email: justin.trudeau@parl.gc<mailto:justin.trudeau@parl.gc>. ca
01/29/2018
Prime Minister,
In light of your recent decision to rehabilitate returning ISIS terrorists. I believe I speak for the vast majority of Canadians when I say that this idea is utter lunacy.
This on top of your bewildering decision to give Omar Khadr $10.5 million dollars.
Maybe the Americans did treat him badly. Maybe he deserved it.
Maybe his rights under Canadian law were violated. Mr. Prime Minister if ever there was a case for use of the Not With Standing Clause Omar Khadr is it.
Cases like his are the reason we have a Not With Standing Clause.
Now you want to bring home ISIS fighters and somehow fix them.
We have veterans in this country that gave their very limbs, not to mention their psychological well being fighting to stop terrorist organizations like ISIS.
Now you are going to bring these people back to live and work next to them. Are you freaking nuts!!
What an insult. And all those that took their final ride down the Highway of Heros. They gave their lives!
These rehabilitation programs you plan for your travelling terrorists will no doubt consist millions of dollars in housing, training, health and education opportunities.
All while our veterans, our seniors and less fortunate go without.
Prime Minister do you know what you get when you sober up a drunken horse thief?
A sober horse thief.
These people are irredeemable. They cannot be reformed.
All you are going to get from these programs are warm healthy well educated terrorists. A snake is a snake!
I and countless other hard working tax payers in this country have no doubt that we are going to wake one morning to find that one or more of these deviants has committed some sort of barbaric act resulting in deaths
of dozens and the maiming of hundreds.
It will change this country forever.
Prime Minister don’t be a damn fool
I believe I echo the sentiment of millions when I say that this is too important an issue to leave up to you and your government to decide. You are asking Canadians
to bet their very lives that your rehab ideas will work.
It is our children that could end up blown to bits in some shopping mall.
This is real Prime Minister you do have the right to make any proposal you like, no matter how stupid.
Some things however need to be decided by the Canadian people
If you insist on pushing forward with these plans then it must be put to a vote.
Canadians demand that you call an election immediately to decide the fate of you
government and whether you should have the right to push forward with your ISIS programs and other policies regarding Islamist extremism in this country.
Canadians want an election right now!!!
Daniel Verner
Very Concerned Citizen
EVERY PICTURE TELLS A STORY
And here is a little something that will make you go, “Hmmmmmmmmm”.

The Author and The Books

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

I am ‘LightHouse Dann Verner’.

I am ‘Dann’, just as I am.

And so it is that I am ……..

So, come, “Walk With Dann.”

A man who some say has lived many tragic lives.

The first decade of my life I had lived in thirty-two homes.

I started my ‘Walks’ at the age of ten.

I left Father’s house at the age of twelve to join a hippie commune and learned how to be a Heroin addict.

Foster care, jails, pain, sorrow and addiction were my childhood friends.

My playgrounds were the streets.

My rocking horse a Harley Davidson.

I was rescued from certain death via an arrest.

Next was real life recovery. ‘Cold turkey’ style in Dorchester Federal Penitentiary.

Where, after many years, I finally found “ME”.

I still have demons but I have learned to live with them.

I started blogging in 2002. It was a release from the demons within.

The blogging led to my becoming an author.

The author led to my wanting the world to know who I was and who I achieve to become.

If my story changes but one life, then I have succeeded.

I write my books for me and my inner persona’s.

For the reader,

I tell my stories.

THE LIGHTHOUSE BOOKS

All my books are available in paperback – Kindle & other E-platforms at:

amazon.com/author/lighthouseverner

Available also on KoBo

http://kobo.com/

Visit my blog at …

https://lighthousedannverner.wordpress.com/

Damaged” is my first book.

Like me, it is raw and full of mistakes.

I have left it “unedited” as life has left me.

DAMAGED”

They’re complicated, the thoughts in my head.

Confusion is easily acquired when you are ‘Damaged”.

I am ‘Damaged’.

As the following “Walks With Dann” shall reveal.

Take heart in my words.

Absorb knowledge from my mistakes.

‘BANE’, Walks you through my middle years and three decades of marriage.

It does not contain the excitement of it’s predecessor.

It begins to show you who I was and who I was becoming.

BOON” Walks you deep into my personal life of trials and tribulations and my uniquely twisted none the norm perception of my realty.

A fictionl journey of a hippie on a Harley exploring the times.

THE LAST CANADIAN COSMONAUT”

The smell of the ocean danced on my nostrils as I walked, slipping and sliding, across the flats. My eyes darting to and fro, carefully scanning ahead for sink holes.

I should have been walking the other direction. Towards the junior high school. Towards hippie teachers trying to teach me of science, faith and nature.

I could hear the train in the distance. Pulling it’s tonnage of sugar cane around the bend to the refinery.

The tug boats crested the horizon. Their wake spewing behind them as they pushed against the mighty tanker so as to slow it’s unforgiving momentum. Lest it run ashore.

The shore. My foster home was there. High up the hill. It’s windows like two large eyes, taunting me with guilt.“Go to school“, they seemed to say.

I can’t“, my reply.

The first volume of the

Walking On Dawes Collection”

I WANT TO BE ‘FLOKI’”

“This is a tale of a family who live their lives within the gang life. Except Little Ray. He and his family want him to break the cycle and live a normal life.

There is tragedy, laughter and most of all ‘insight’ within.

So come with us as we

Walk On Dawes.”

 

“You Can’t See Me”

Walking On Dawes Collection

Volume 2

This is a portrait of a broken man living a broken life in a broken world where family and friendship are one and the same.

Where wrong choices can lead to lifelong regrets. Haunting the very soul and stabbing the heart daily to remind you of the penalties of actions.

Where a man can be all alone and un-noticed in a crowded room.

Where sadness shadows joy and joy masks sadness.

This is the life of one man on one street in one city.

A man who let his darkness blind his Light.

SHOW THIS YOUNG LADY FRIENDLINESS DOES EXIST

This made me cry.

Let’s show this young lady that people do care about the emotions of others. 

The world is a dark place for people with what we have selfishly labelled as “Special Needs”. 

Everyone “needs“, we are just so self-centred we neglect to see the needs of others.

In this time where everything is debated, movies and TV shows promote sex and violence and all we ever hear about is turmoil, wars and paranoia we have forgotten to “ Stop and smell the roses.”

Here, is a bright flower surrounded by dandelions and weeds. 

Show some love people!!!!

Peace, Love and Light is becoming a rarity.

http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/hamilton/birthday-cards-for-kaitlin-1.4484677

Sweating In Summer’s Worth

Sweating In Summer’s Worth

I sweat. Very extremely. Too damn much.

Doctor’s know not why.

It is embarrassing to say the least.

Within five minutes outside, I appear as though I took a shower with my clothes on.

I believe it is due to the fact that I was born by the Atlantic ocean and it’s constant ocean breeze. Like a salmon, our bodies know where we belong. It becomes a genetic marker.

I left New Brunswick in 1972. Now reside eleven hundred miles from the nearest ocean. Eleven hundred miles from being able to breathe and function. Eleven hundred miles from the beautiful arms of the Goddess of Tides.

As a child I spent most my waking hours sitting on the shores of “Saint’s Rest” on the west side of Saint John. I grew up in the deep south end of the city, but would walk an hour and a half to find solitude and quiet in Nature’s grasp. (That and my foster parents would never search for me there.)

What a beautiful place to be a heroin addict and consume LSD.

The ebb and flow of the mighty Atlantic – the ferociousness of that mighty Whore of Oceans was mesmerizing. Hypnotically trapping me into understanding how meagre we humans are. Acknowledging to me how insignificant people are compared to the force of Nature. How, with just one wave SHE could eliminate our existence.

And through my teenage years as a junkie and drug user, I realized that life has to have meaning.

What pray tell is the meaning of YOUR life?”

I know somewhat the meaning of my being here. Yet, I understand it not. I have learned to accept my life for that which it may be.

During my early teens, I am sure friends and family both had a hidden lottery on how long I could “Walk With Dann” or “Dance With Shake”. Nineteen was the targeted year, I believe.

I turned eighteen in prison with a long time before ‘PAROLE’.

Thank you Many Faced God for Sentence Appeals. For now I have left “Dancing With Shake” behind me as I “Walk With Dann”.

Shake was evil, Dann is remorseful and pays the penance of the crimes of Shake.

Dann is full of guilt.

I need not go into those details as they are laid out truthfully and completely in my previous blogs and writings.

Yet, I sweat still.

Embarrassed when entering a store or applying for an apartment, etc. No matter how I dress, I arrive as wet as a nun’s vagina at a Justin Beiber concert.

I am positive that to some I appear as a ‘crackhead’ or just as a ‘dirty’ man.

I despise sweating.

I have resided in Toronto, Ontario, Canada for nigh on thirty seven years thus far. I am still sweating as much as the day I stepped off the Air Canada plane that delivered me from prison.

I am sweating profusely at this moment.

And I hate it.

I do not drink the water here. There is no water in Ontario. Just some clear weird liquid that oozes from my taps. Not sure if I need a knife and fork to consume it. Down home water has flavour. You can taste the Nature locked within. It’s cooling caress hugs you as it courses down your gullet.

Drinking New Brunswick water is a pleasure.

Drinking Toronto water is a roll of the dice.

But, how can I sweat so darn much without re-hydrating what I am losing?

I am puzzled by this.

I truly believe my purpose on this Big Blue Marble is to serve as a prime example of how NOT to live life.

I beg all of you, young and old alike, do not look for FALSE GLORY in the gangster life. Never have the belief that drugs solve life’s problems. Never “Dance With Shake”.

Feel free to “Walk With Dann”.

Never refuse to atone for the wrongs you have committed. Never refuse to own up to your actions.

No matter what your past may have held it cannot and WILL NOT disperse into infinity. It shall always come back to haunt you later in life.

All the sweating in the world will never wash your soul clean.

And so, I sweat profusely. Till I finally reach your version of Hades and the heat evaporates my past.

TO RESET OR NOT TO RESET – MY HEART ONLY KNOWS

Well six hours till they reset my heart and they CANNOT sedate me. Fun WOW!!!!!
They are trying to prevent me from progressing from Stage C to Stage D – there is no way to go back to Stage B. They did the defibrillator last month awake and it damn well hurts and is scary.

Here’s some info …… scary situation no matter what

Stage C

Patients with Stage C heart failure have been diagnosed with heart failure and have (currently) or had (previously) signs and symptoms of the condition.

There are many possible symptoms of heart failure. The most common are:

Shortness of breath
Feeling tired (fatigue)
Less able to exercise
Weak legs
Waking up to urinate
Swollen feet, ankles, lower legs and abdomen (edema)

Stage C treatment

The usual treatment plan for patients with Stage C HF-rEF includes:

Treatments listed in Stages A and B
Beta-blocker (if you aren’t taking one) to help your heart muscle pump stronger
Aldosterone antagonist (if you aren’t taking one) if a vasodilator medicine (ACE-I, ARB or angiotensin receptor/neprilysin inhibitor combination) and beta-blocker don’t relieve your symptoms
Hydralazine/nitrate combination if other treatments don’t stop your symptoms. Patients who are African-American should take this medication (even if they are taking other vasodilator medications) if they have moderate­ to-severe symptoms.
Medications that slow the heart rate if your heart rate is faster than 70 beats per minute and you still have symptoms
Diuretic (“water pill”) may be prescribed if symptoms continue
Restrict sodium (salt) in your diet. Ask your doctor or nurse what your daily limit is.
Keep track of your weight every day. Tell your healthcare provider if you gain or lose more than 4 pounds from your “dry” weight.
Possible fluid restriction. Ask your doctor or nurse what your daily fluid limit is.
Possible cardiac resynchronization therapy (biventricular pacemaker)
Possible implantable cardiac defibrillator (lCD) therapy
If treatment causes your symptoms to get better or stop, you still need to continue treatment to slow the progression to Stage D.

Stage D and reduced E

Patients with Stage D HF-rEF have advanced symptoms that do not get better with treatment. This is the final stage of heart failure.

Stage D treatment

The usual treatment plan for patients with Stage D heart failure includes:

Treatments listed in Stages A, B and C
Evaluation for more advanced treatment options, including:
Heart transplant
Ventricular assist devices
Heart surgery
Continuous infusion of intravenous inotropic drugs
Palliative or hospice care
Research therapies
Stages C and D with preserved EF

Treatment for patients with Stage C and Stage D heart failure and reserved EF (HF-pEF) includes:

Treatments listed in Stages A and B
Medications for treatment of medical conditions that can cause heart failure or make the condition worse, such as atrial fibrillation, high blood pressure, diabetes, obesity, coronary artery disease, chronic lung disease, high cholesterol and kidney disease
Diuretic (“water pill”) to reduce or relieve symptoms

AND “YES” I AM SCARED – BUT I HAVE THE LOVE AND PRAYERS OF MY TWO QUEENS, TERRY & MARIA, WHICH GIVE ME HOPE AND MY IRISH GUARDIAN ANGEL IN HEAVEN “SHEENA EVE”.

HOPEFULLY I WILL BE ABLE TO POST THIS TIME TOMORROW – IF NOT I WILL SEE YOU ALL ON THE DARKSIDE.

TILL THEN, I REMAIN – DANN – JUST AS I AM

WATCH OVER ME AND GUIDE ME SHEENA EVE ……

I woke Up And Realized It Was Confession Time………

I woke Up And Realized It Was Confession Time………

(Re-post – original posting March 2008 dannverner.spaces.live)

I woke Up And Realized It Was Confession Time………

Interesting thought……

In my 38 years living on my own in the deepest roots of the darkest part of society and then later in years living in the deepest roots of being rich and “Joe Citizen”, then returning to become a meager man, “Just Dann”, I have discovered a few things that have been constant throughout all ages – some people are good, some evil and some are agitators in the machine.

The reason our youth are like they are is the learned behaviorism from us adults. Our media, our ways and our quest to hide behind intoxicants and drugs so that we do not see the reality we have created. Our constant and very much genetic habit of “finding a reason to misplace blame”, our reluctance to readily admit, “I fucked up”.

There is quite a difference in allowing one’s self to want to save society and people as a whole and trying to bail out a sinking ocean liner.

Some elements in our society are “bad apples” – they MUST exist for in an universe that is based on physics and said physical law that for “Every action there is an opposite and equal reaction”, there will always be good and bad, evil and angelic, criminal and law abiding, dealers and undercover officers and most of all hate and love. In most dictionaries this would be defined in simple terms as “Human Life”.

But, there are some elements to modern societal dance that should be dealt with differently. For to be “high” from morning till night has become the norm with all our youth, because all the adults are constantly going to bars, smoking pot, taking headache medicines, promoting sex and neglecting the basic rules of “Teaching by example”.

I have personally encountered many souls that I thought had a truthful outlook on society and themselves. I was wrong with many.

In my life walk I estimate, and this would be a liberal figure, that I have encountered and exchanged thoughts with well over ten thousand people. I was a “Siddhartha” of the seventies, eighties and nineties.

I ventured on a quest to understand my fellow man and by doing so I had habitually become a “questioner” and a “recorder of thoughts”.

My mind is filled with a collage of other people’s poyls of wisdom, their lives and what society had dumped upon their laps. I have been disgusted with the way that everyone immediately finds a reason to put the onus or blame on other people. Any apology or statement that ends with a “BUT YOU” is not an apology – it is an “opinion”, and an opinion is only worth as much as the honesty and realism of the person from which it comes.

Society was and is constructed on a “fail or survive” structure. Thereby, I am saying onto you, “that whoever or whatever decided to create us, also put into place a pathway of tricks to make us learn the difference between right and wrong”.

They gave us ‘truth and honesty’ as also the opposing ‘lies and deceit’.

I have done many wrongs in my life – and any who have really “known” me, any who have actually “Walked with Dann”, will tell you straight up that I do take blame for my actions or any and all of my part in a downfall or misguided intention.

When do I more commonly do this? Simply answered…my habitual relapsing into the under belly of society – the twenty year old Biker and gang-banger coming once more to the fifty year old worn down surface of Dann’s World.

There was a time in my life whereas I lived by the gun, the gun was my big brother, my voice and my constant companion. That gun led to me not knowing the beauty of a high school dance, not experiencing a 17th,18th,19th,20th,21st,22nd and many other birthdays and Christmases. That gun led to me harming my fellow man……..that gun left me with a life long regret and sorrow that can not be removed or forgotten.

I had two distinctively different but also equal “GUNS” – I had the physical ‘9mm full auto mag’ accompanied by the universally gang related ‘sawed off pump 12 gauge’ – that was the visual “gun”, but my secondary “gun” was the most harmful.

My secondary weapon was “drugs” – and my desire to do them at the expense of creating a large group of addicted customers – so as their “grief’s” and their “destruction” lay at my hand. For is I had to spend a thousand dollars per day on my arm, then they would have to buy four thousand from my coffers.

So, I now must go through my life wondering how many deaths my selling Heroin has caused, how many robberies, how many home invasions – how much sorrow did my being a “PUSHER” create in this world?

I could have chosen to be a “drug dealer”, but I wanted to ride for free so, I became a “drug pusher”. Listen to Steppenwolf’s “The Pusher” – listen carefully.

What is the difference you are asking? A drug ‘dealer’ sells his product to those who seek him out and he deals in harmless drugs like hashish or marijuana, whereas the “Pusher” deals in addictive opiates and man made concoctions that lead to destruction, he does not ‘sell’ but rather ‘promotes’ to his customers.

This is just one example of what happens within our societal structures. Another example is a very basic and easily explained and often occurring instance of common human characterization.

“What troubles walk into our lives are those that you readily open your arms too.”

I have done this so many times, I am thankful that I did. For, every time I foolishly let my guard down and permitted to let past habits and past acquaintances to enter into the realm of my life as I have chosen to live it the past few years, every time I have fell victim to my own misjudgments.

You cannot and should not play both sides of the societal FENCE. The Cosmic Muffin or “GOD” if you wish, she placed that fence there for a reason. The “FENCE” is the “APPLE” in the Garden of Eden. The barrier of good vs. evil.

In short, sometimes when you stretch out that hand in friendship and care, the receiver may just as well bite your fingers off. There are those who can be saved and those who will lead you on to accomplish their own agenda and goals.

There are many who disagree with my philosophies and many who like to lay blame on me for the out right defilement of my deserved respect. Oh well! They can get over it. I am not the gun-toting and very evil “Shakie Dann” of my past, I am “Dann – just as I am”.

I will still spread my Light on those who need and want it. I will not make excuses or take blame for the actions of others and their need to mask their failures, fears and lives with the absolute need to be intoxicated or “high” everyday. Nor will I understand how some who call themselves our friend can enter into another person’s domain at their will and create such havoc that the blame falls solely on the one who suffered at that intrusion.

If it smells like a useless human who cares only about downgrading and harming his fellow human then that is what it is.

I have admitted readily that I was not always a good soul, I can readily admit that in certain circumstances I can very easily become a dangerous person. BUT, I CAN ALSO ADMIT THAT I DO NOT WANT THAT LIFESTYLE…….I DO NOT WANT TO BE PRESENT NEAR GROWN MEN WHO SPEAK OF BEAUTIFUL WOMAN LIKE THEY ARE WHORES TO BE MANIPULATED AND USED AS A TAMPON FOR THEIR SELFISH DESIRES. I REFUSE TO ALLOW BAD PEOPLE TO DO BAD THINGS TO MY LOVED ONES. TO DISRESPECT THE DOMAINS AND FEELINGS OF OTHERS. TO DO HARM.

In closing may I state that I am a remorseful man for my actions of my past, this is why I am on my walk through your realms. I desire to make a change, if it be only one soul in my whole lifetime or a thousand souls. I want only to make a change – to create one soul who does not have to realize or live through what my life has seen.

You can only save those who grab the life line. There is no intoxicant that remove a problem, it can only mask it.

Peace!