Tag Archives: Fuck Cancer

Some are confused between the radiation therapy being successful on my tumors and my cancer NOT being cured

Just got to explain my situation to those who do not understand how cancer works.
1- yes, the radiation was successful. It killed the 26 tumors.

2- I am not “cancer free”

3 – my cancer is in remission

4 – before they killed the tumors my body got very damaged. Mostly in the frontal lobes of my brain. Hence, the deafness and possible blindness. It is possible that I could easily lose all bodily functions as the frontal lobes are the most important part of our body. If the pharyngeal cancer comes back it could easily make me a vegetable.

5 – I have 2 cancers – the “pharyngeal”, which is responsible for the 23 floating neck and head tumors. 3 of which are in my brain, 3 next to my heart and 17 roaming around in my neck. These tumors are outside of my esophagus. The radiation killed the existing tumors.

THEN, I have “Squamous Cell Carcinoma” – – – this is the killer – it is responsible for the huge tumor on the base of my tongue and two little ones beside the large one. It has destroyed my tongue beyond repair. I will have a large hole in my tongue for life.

6 – For now I am safe from “cancer”, BUT, if my body doesn’t absorb the benign pharyngeal tumors the doctors will have no choice but to crack open my chest to remove the tumors by my heart – open my neck to get the ones floating in it and they are hoping that they can pop out my left eye ( cause it is already very damaged from the time I was on life support for 6 weeks and I can barely see through it) and hopefully be able to get to and remove the 3 on my brain.

They wanted to do actual brain surgery but I refused to allow them because they would have to remove the existing plate in my head and there is a 95 percent chance that my body will reject the new plate. I will not EVER allow them to open my skull. (The existing plate I have had since 1972 – obtained in Montreal during the “biker wars, nuff said about that)

So, yes, I am very happy about my diagnosis of the radiation working on the tumors.

I still have cancer.

My body has to deal with the damage from the tumors.

Also, the stroke, the septicemia poisoning, the abscess and my spleen exploding damaged a lot of my organs – which some can be repaired and some not repairable

So, my dear friends …. we have cause of celebration of the successful radiation treatment. And believe you me, I am forever thanking the Lord for His mercy.

I still have a year or more of treatments ahead of me. And many possible surgeries.

And this I shall get through via the mercy of the Lord, the Prayers and love from my beautiful Prayer Army and the love and support from my truest soul mate, Maria Angelica M.

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Disgusted

I am absolutely disgusted – only word to describe it – that because of all the damn junkies abusing the system, cancer victims like myself no longer have their opioid pain medications covered.

Believe me, I need my pain medication. I don’t take them to get “high”. I take them to stop from crying.

Literally.

There should be some sort of regulation to bypass this punishment.

I am now in the position of choosing between groceries or medication. I have to choose “groceries”, for I have a child to feed.

All I can say is, “Fuck you pill head scum.”

Hope Is All We Really Have

So, final diagnosis from the surgeons …. oropharyngeal cancer’ in the neck and my cranium. And now in addition to that I have been diagnosed with Squamous Cell Carcinoma which has grown in the form of a very large tumor on the back of my tongue.

This tumor presents life threatening and serious consequences. Hence, my throat is closing up. On January 3rd, 2019 I will begin radical chemo/beam radiation treatment for periods of six and a half weeks, a short break and then repeated.

Also, I have to have a surgically implanted feeding tube installed and a trachea breathing airway in my throat and a port-a-cath for administrating medications and such.

I have battled many things in my life, but this will be my greatest battle of all. I am scared. I am not ashamed to admit that. I cry at night. I cry when no one but my soulmate can see or hear. I have the right to cry for I may very well not make it through this battlefield of treatment.

The doctors say if the Squamous Cell reaches my liver there will be little they can do other than dope me up and let me pass on to the next space/time continuum.

I have walked my seven paths on the seven continuum’s. The eighth you do not return for that is the one where the Light chooses you, not you choosing the Light.

If that is what lays before me, I am okay with it. I have lived a wild life, Blessed life – a life many would be jealous of. I have walked many different paths, a beggerman, a thief, a hippie, a biker, a vagabond, a father, a husband (a few times), an electrician, a poet and recently, an author.

To quote Kid Rock, “I have ate of dumpsters and I have dined with Kings.”

I would do it all over again if given the chance. My lifestyle and the choices I made, although often tragic, gifted me with meeting tens of thousands of people from every walk of life there is. I learned from them, I absorbed knowledge from every encounter and the greatest thing I was rewarded with was “SURVIVAL” .

I left my parents home at the age of 12. A mere snot nosed baby in diapers. I never went home since then.

Who does such a thing you may ask.

I do.

I am ‘LightHouse Dann Verner’.

A man who some say has lived many tragic lives.

The first decade of my life I had lived in thirty-two homes. None of which I ever spoke the words, “Mom or Dad”. Only “Mister or Misses”.

I started my ‘Walks’ at the age of ten fighting the monsters in my head. The demons were winning for many years.

I left my siblings Father’s house at the age of twelve to join a hippie commune and learned how to be a Heroin addict.

I have never slept in my father or mothers house since that day.

That was over fifty years ago.

Foster care, jails, pain, sorrow and addiction were my childhood friends.

My playgrounds were the streets.

My rocking horse a Harley Davidson motorcycle.

I learned how to survive the best I could. I learned the harsh realities of everyday life. I learned deceit, honesty, love, hate and most of all “HOPE”. I survived day by day hoping the next sunrise would be better.

Sometimes it was better. Sometimes it was not.

I have hope today. Hope that although there lays a fifty/fifty chance I will soon be ascending I will survive.

For hope is all we really have.

Namaste’