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Hope Is All We Really Have

So, final diagnosis from the surgeons …. oropharyngeal cancer’ in the neck and my cranium. And now in addition to that I have been diagnosed with Squamous Cell Carcinoma which has grown in the form of a very large tumor on the back of my tongue.

This tumor presents life threatening and serious consequences. Hence, my throat is closing up. On January 3rd, 2019 I will begin radical chemo/beam radiation treatment for periods of six and a half weeks, a short break and then repeated.

Also, I have to have a surgically implanted feeding tube installed and a trachea breathing airway in my throat and a port-a-cath for administrating medications and such.

I have battled many things in my life, but this will be my greatest battle of all. I am scared. I am not ashamed to admit that. I cry at night. I cry when no one but my soulmate can see or hear. I have the right to cry for I may very well not make it through this battlefield of treatment.

The doctors say if the Squamous Cell reaches my liver there will be little they can do other than dope me up and let me pass on to the next space/time continuum.

I have walked my seven paths on the seven continuum’s. The eighth you do not return for that is the one where the Light chooses you, not you choosing the Light.

If that is what lays before me, I am okay with it. I have lived a wild life, Blessed life – a life many would be jealous of. I have walked many different paths, a beggerman, a thief, a hippie, a biker, a vagabond, a father, a husband (a few times), an electrician, a poet and recently, an author.

To quote Kid Rock, “I have ate of dumpsters and I have dined with Kings.”

I would do it all over again if given the chance. My lifestyle and the choices I made, although often tragic, gifted me with meeting tens of thousands of people from every walk of life there is. I learned from them, I absorbed knowledge from every encounter and the greatest thing I was rewarded with was “SURVIVAL” .

I left my parents home at the age of 12. A mere snot nosed baby in diapers. I never went home since then.

Who does such a thing you may ask.

I do.

I am ‘LightHouse Dann Verner’.

A man who some say has lived many tragic lives.

The first decade of my life I had lived in thirty-two homes. None of which I ever spoke the words, “Mom or Dad”. Only “Mister or Misses”.

I started my ‘Walks’ at the age of ten fighting the monsters in my head. The demons were winning for many years.

I left my siblings Father’s house at the age of twelve to join a hippie commune and learned how to be a Heroin addict.

I have never slept in my father or mothers house since that day.

That was over fifty years ago.

Foster care, jails, pain, sorrow and addiction were my childhood friends.

My playgrounds were the streets.

My rocking horse a Harley Davidson motorcycle.

I learned how to survive the best I could. I learned the harsh realities of everyday life. I learned deceit, honesty, love, hate and most of all “HOPE”. I survived day by day hoping the next sunrise would be better.

Sometimes it was better. Sometimes it was not.

I have hope today. Hope that although there lays a fifty/fifty chance I will soon be ascending I will survive.

For hope is all we really have.



My Apologies

I have to apologize to everyone for the roller-coaster of emotions I have been going through.

I am having a difficult time dealing with the cancer diagnosis, the stress of my financial situation and all the ripple effects caused by these.

I am lost. I am 61. Very sick. I am in such a disastrous financial situation that may lead to our being homeless once again come the new year. This is mainly due to the identity theft I had earlier this year. It left me four months behind in all aspects of my finances.

The duo cancer diagnosis has devastated me and plays chaos with my emotions.

I am ashamed of myself for the financial crisis and for not being able to show Dakota a very good Christmas, if any Christmas at all.

The waiting for the treatment and surgeries for the cancer has and is causing me many sleepless nights and numerous anxiety attacks.

All this has greatly affected the way I have been treating my precious Maria, my family and my friends.

I apologize and I am trying hard to come to terms with the reality of what my life has become. But, it is not that easy.

Deja vu – IRRITATED Nipple syndrome once again

I post this every Fall or in this case winter as here in Canada Irritated Nipple Syndrome is a reality. Mostly caused by our Northern winds and our lust for cheap polyester t-shirts. 

I have been plagued with this horrifying disease for nigh on 61 years now.

As fall has arrived I am once again plagued with the horrible INS, so, I am re-publishing a blog I wrote in November 2007

It seems to my contorted malformed outlook towards this self labeled existence your homo sapient species declare as humanity that as “Atomic Mother Earth” has another one of her annual menopausal temperature episodes, you are dancing in cohesion to her moods and wants.

If my memory does not fail me, then, I recall that not just twenty-four hours ago I was strolling the Danforth in a T-shirt and blue jeans. I recall my endocentric annoyance at the sweat gathering in the furrow of my brow as I glinted from the warm brightness of the summer comparable sunlight.

Yet, on this bright Thursday morn, “Atomic Mother Earth” has decided to plague me with the dreaded “Irritated Nipple Syndrome”. My whole life I suffered from “INS”. The symptoms of which is a debilitating and very sensitive soreness of the good old human teats.

There is nothing ever so painful as the abrasiveness of cheap blended polyester brushing to and fro upon the super-sensitive, and, often amusing to play with, human nipple. Specially on a day as such where the cold bitter bite of lakefront wind has made my twin pleasure buttons stand hard and tall like two minute penises and declare their existence.

I would give most anything at this moment for the feel of warm dressed cotton or, perhaps, even the sweet caress of perhaps ‘Cashmere’.

If you happen to discover that you indeed have a spare ‘real’ T-shirt, my nipples would greatly appreciate a donation of such. I fear the coming vengeance of the Arctic wind inspired season of Canada’s winter and her cold crippling affect on my self inflicted, physical abused ‘too-many years of heavy lifting’. humanoid form. (I take a size man’s small, because “The Cosmic Muffin” puts great things in very petite packages,

So, where was I headed before my nipples got in the way……………………….Oh Yes! I remember now. As “Mother Earth” begins her seasonal transformation also do they, you or whoever I may be referring to.

I diligently trucked out into the public domains yesterday afternoon to record to memory the strange rites and rituals of you humanoid robotic clones of a greater being, so as, when the Mothership returns, I shall have gathered enough intelligence as to please the supreme powers that be, and, thusly, I may rightfully be receiving the ever patronizing pat on my head and the salutary equation of “Dann is a good boy!”. Of which I will reply the ever grateful “Thank you” and sheepishly grin and drool.

There you were, dancing your rhythms of daily disclosure and bartering your extensively earned numerical bank notes called “The Paycheque” to purchase licorice strands of candied sugars to ensure the quietness of the distressed two year old as he struggles to gain freedom from the stroller so as he may run rampant and yet again test your patience quota.

If so howled the crisp breeze from Lake Ontario, then, immediately your upper limbs clutch to protect the ever sensitive nipples. Nipples appear to me as a large factor in your everyday lives This is something that with my outlook and learning’s of culture I find very interesting. How such a little pair of budded human tissue can hold such a great importance in daily routines is absolutely amazing.

If “Mother Earth” decides that today is too be a chilled one then instinctively your arms cover them. If “She” decides that, perhaps, tomorrow shall be warm then – again – you may choose to wrap your arms across your breast plate so as your nipples are not visible through your choosing to dress in light clothing due to the heated air of the day.

On a warm summer’s day at the beach, the young females readily douse their feline bodies with the refreshing and cool lake water, but then they must protect their nipples from the wanton eyes of juvenile males who are hoping and praying that “The Hairy Thunderer” will grant them the blessing of a visual aid only comparable to that of a “Wet T-shirt Contest”.

Winter brings the crossing of arms and the multi-layering of various sweaters purchased through the Bay, or, maybe, even Walmart. Oh, but the constrictions of layer upon layer of artificial body coverings and the labourious way the wearing of such creates many lost minutes of most precious time, time better spent with our nipples.

If, in your wonderment of life, you are to have such a thought as, “Does this happen to the male of the species?” I can assure your curiosity with a definite affirmation. Males do in fact suffer the same fate, although, due to infantile imbedded social lessons they must bravely and with no sign of pain appear invincible to the effects of exposing their nipples to us all.

I, alone, may be the only exception to the rule. For I, without modesty, bravely announce to you all that “I have Irritated Nipple Syndrome” and I have no decent, and neither can I afford to purchase, a ‘real’ T-shirt.

I embarrassingly admit that I may in fact need of your charity in order that I may have a cotton T-shirt to keep me warm through out the coming all out attack of winter. (again I hint that I take a size man’s small, because “The Cosmic Muffin” puts great things in very petite packages, inbox me for my address, lol.

If perchance you have a spare appropriate t-shirt I would be forever grateful if you were to donate them. You may send them in care of:

D. Verner, 608 Dawes Road, Suite 610, East York, Toronto, Ontario, Canada, M4B 2G6

All of the above mentioned observations have made me realize that by looking out my window and watching these humanoid lifeforms conduct their daily routines and dances, I can accurately determine the weather by how greatly the female Homo Sapient is clutching her breastplate. Such a simple but relatively accurate method of predetermining the weather. On the Mothership we are forced to depend on the science of meteorology and our daily session watching the universal weather channel on our installed satellite dish.

I bid you all a warm day in the emotional sense. I offer to you a simple concept to imbed into your daily routine – I offer that when your eyes are next to focus on your fellow man that your brain immediately sends forth but one word………..PEACE!

Good day to you and yours – Guter Tag zu Ihnen und zu Ihrem – Хороший день к вам и твоему – Bonne journée à toi et au vôtre – Buen día a usted y el suyo


What the frack is wrong with these modern day, so-called “gangsters”?

Guns solve nothing!!!! Believe me, I know.

Shooting at another low life with ill regard of children or innocent people just makes you all GOOFS.

Banning guns and restricting ammo sales will do SHIT!

Bring a three strike law with an automatic life sentence into play.

Stop passing out bails and “multiple” bails for serious offences.

By needing a “second” bail, have you not violated the “first” bail? Are you not suppose to be keeping the peace and be of good behavior?

Fucking lock all these gang members up, once and for all.



#LighthouseDannVerner #amazonauthorlighthouseverner #TheLastCanadianCosmonaut #TheOriginalUrbanViking #walkingondawescollection

A Life of Pain

I have felt pain all my life.

Since my mother left me to die at six months old.

Since my first time doing heroin.

Since my first manslaughter.

Since my close friend got murdered.

Since my first son died.

Since my mother was murdered.

Since my first wife left me.

Since my second marriage fell apart.

I will be sixty-one years old this coming Friday, October the fifth.

I am still in pain.

I guess I always shall be in pain.

My penance for the life I had chosen.

Karma, some may say.

Even though I have had to endure a lifetime of emotional pain, I still try very hard to stay an HONEST man when it comes to, not just my own, but everyone’s feelings.

The people who TRULY know me, know I do not lie.

I may be many things, but a liar or adulterer I am not.

When I speak the sacred phrase “I LOVE YOU”, I mean every syllable.

Having never known what I believe to be “TRUE” love until recently, I may be too paranoid of my interpretations of the other party’s actions.

Maybe they are totally innocent and what I am interpreting is wrong.

But, I ask you this,

If you are unfriended on social media by your true love at the exact same time as they are commenting on the posts of an acquaintance, not really a friend, then told that ‘your’ account has been ‘hacked’, what would you believe?”

And to add to this she stops texting you and turns her phone off.

My mind is boggled. First off, even if I was hacked, only they could unfriend me. I did not unfriend them.

Secondly, why go “ghost“?

Why turn off your phone?

Maybe I am just an old fool.

Or maybe true love is as much as a myth as the pagan concept of “Heaven & Hell”.

Who knows.

It all may very well innocent and I am taking it wrong.

But, the refusing to communicate wuth me raises suspicion.

What I do know is,

Time does not “heal” wounds.”

Mi Leona de Mi Corazon

My life has always been a storm.

I have always persevered.

I have met joy and danced
with demons most feared.

My rocking horse was a motorcycle.

My playground
the streets.

Now I found love

I feel relief.

For in this heart

I’ll forever keep.

To know I have a hand to hold when comes time

to leave
this Earth so cold.

Her smile alone,
Was all I needed

To vow my love as my heart was seeded.

Six decades of Dark and Light
This joining feels so right.

Yes, I found love in a smile

One moment in time

One Angel’s glance

Forever my heart shall dance.


Today is the last day you can download, for free, “DAMAGED”, my first book and the first volume of my “Walk With Dann Collection”


“DAMAGED” for free via download on amazon.ca in e-book format.

Here’s a quick link, always available for free to all KindleUnlimited subscribers – as are all seven of my books.


All my books, paperback and e-books, available at amazon.ca and amazon.com



Here is why I have left the numerous spelling, grammar and formatting mistakes in this Volume 1 of my fictional autobiography …………….


Walk With Dann Collection

Volume 1

A Walk from my birth till I meet my second wife.”

I left It raw on purpose as a testament to the honesty of my words and work.


It contains humour, murder, explosions and motorcycles.

It may or may not be fictional or may even be non-fictional.

Only my hairdresser knows for sure…….

So, come follow the beacon and see what lays within “The LightHouse” we call “Dann

Want To Get “DAMAGED” For Free?

When was the last time you were able to get damaged for free?

Starting tomorrow and until July 31st I am offering to give you “DAMAGED” for free via download on amazon.ca in e-book format.

Here’s a quick link, always available for free to all KindleUnlimited subscribers – as are all seven of my books.





Here is why I have left the numerous spelling, grammar and formatting mistakes in this Volume 1 of my fictional autobiography …………….


Walk With Dann Collection

Volume 1

A Walk from my birth till I meet my second wife.”

I left It raw on purpose as a testament to the honesty of my words and work.

It contains humour, murder, explosions and motorcycles.

It may or may not be fictional or may even be non-fictional.

Only my hairdresser knows for sure…….

So, come follow the beacon and see what lays within “The LightHouse” we call “Dann

Many ask me why I write.

I write my books for me.

I tell my stories for my readers.

I am not sure if my works are badly written good stories or well written bad stories.

Not too sure I care either way. I do care that, in my “Walk With Dann Collection”, I am telling my life as brutally truthful as possible. In shame and in honour.

I do care that my ‘stand alone’ books, such as “The Last Canadian Cosmonaut” touch your heart.

I pray that my other collection, “Walking On Dawes”, shows that the gang life, although often ‘exciting’, leads only to karma biting your buttocks.”

My Walk With Dann Collection

Volumes 1, 2 & 3

Damaged” is my first book.

Like me, it is raw and full of mistakes.

I have left it “unedited” as life has left me.



Walk With Dann Collection

Volume 1

A Walk from my birth till I meet my second wife.”
It is rough, crude in fact, numerous format conversion errors.

I left It raw on purpose as a testament to the honesty of my words and work. It contains humour, murder, explosions and motorcycles.

It may or may not be fictional or may even be non-fictional.”



Walk With Dann Collection

Volume 2

Walks you through my middle years and three decades of marriage.

It does not contain the excitement of it’s predecessor.

It begins to show you who I was and who I was becoming.”




Walk With Dann Collection

Volume 3

Walks you deep into my personal life of trials and tribulations and my uniquely twisted none the norm perception of my realty.”So, come, Walk With Dann.

The first three Volumes of “WALK WITH DANN” are available in one book also.


TLCC (2)


(My first ‘standalone book‘, my personal favorite.)

Here is the first page ……..

The smell of the ocean danced on my nostrils as I walked, slipping and sliding, across the flats. My eyes darting to and fro, carefully scanning ahead for sink holes.

I should have been walking the other direction. Towards the junior high school. Towards hippie teachers trying to teach me of science, faith and nature.

I could hear the train in the distance. Pulling it’s tonnage of sugar cane around the bend to the refinery.

The tug boats crested the horizon. Their wake spewing behind them as they pushed against the mighty tanker so as to slow it’s unforgiving momentum. Lest it run ashore.

The shore. My foster home was there. High up the hill. It’s windows like two large eyes, taunting me with guilt.“Go to school“, they seemed to say.

I can’t”, my reply.


Walking On Dawes Collection



Walking On Dawes Collection”

Volume 1”

I dedicated this book and based it (fictionally) to my dearest and most missed Brother-In-Arms, Big Roy Sills and his first born and namesake son, Little Roy. Big Roy’s sons are a huge and much loved part of not just my life, but my heart. I appreciate their love and respect beyond any words that can or could be spoken. I am honoured  to watch them grow into men and I am forever grateful to have his grandchildren in my life.

Big Roy - Dedication

This is a tale of a family who live their lives within the gang life. Except Little Ray. He and his family want him to break the cycle and live a normal life.”There is tragedy, laughter and most of all ‘insight’ within.


You Can’t See Me”

Walking On Dawes Collection

Volume 2

This is a portrait of a broken man living a broken life in a broken world where family and friendship are one and the same.

Where wrong choices can lead to lifelong regrets. Haunting the very soul and stabbing the heart daily to remind you of the penalties of actions.

Where a man can be all alone and un-noticed in a crowded room.

Where sadness shadows joy and joy masks sadness.

This is the life of one man on one street in one city.

A man who let his darkness blind his Light.

The third Volume of this Collection will be published within the next few days.

It is titled


A tale that takes you around the world as 6315 tries to escape the gang life and make amends for all he has done to others.



Upper and middle class well to do people have no concept whatsoever as to what the average person goes through just to survive.

I live in Toronto, we have more people than any other city in Canada, show me where these people are speaking up about Canadian politics – they will gather in flocks to protest American politics, but not for our problems.

Facebook protests are as useless as tits on a bull. Where are these people speaking out? Instagram? Twitter? Tim Horton’s?

Most are still trying to figure out why we have a Prime Minister and a President because no one has taught them that Canada and the U.S. are two separate countries.

For the love of the Creators, they voted in a man because he has nice hair and legalized pot.

The world is boxed, society lives in a “Don’t hurt my feelings” world – it will eventually end bad.

Trudeau is destroying Canadian values, our Court systems are ancient and now we think there are more than two sexes.

Here is a picture of the Supreme Court of Canada Judges with their families …

photo of monkeys
Photo by Acharaporn Kamornboonyarush on Pexels.com

I won’t even start about how insane our education system is.

I shake my head all the time.

The average person on the street are not even aware that Canada and the U.S. are two separate countries.

We have our downtown core filled with elderly, homeless and mentally damaged people living on the boiling hot concrete – stroll through the valleys, off the glamorized bike paths and see how many tents there are.


Banning guns is a token band-aid media treat to show the public that politicians are maybe listening.

Never met a gang-banger in my life that applied for a carry licence.

Third Strike Law, no plea bargaining, one sentence for murder, no bail for any weapons and stop making Canadian prisons like Boy Scout camps.

I did time in old school Dorchester in the 70’s – never went back. It was a prison, not a Holiday Inn.

We live in such a delusional time where we worry more about hurting feelings or making prisoners “comfortable”, where the media spends more time discussing the heart ache of a murderers family than the distraught felt by the 15 victim families.

You cannot tell me about the criminal element and what will work – I’ve spent 60 years dealing with such. I have seen and done things that no human should have did or even witnessed.

Upper and middle class well to do people have no concept whatsoever as to what the average person goes through just to survive. Most of us survive on $18,000 a year of which $11,000 or more goes for rent. You Liberal supporters spend that on beer.

Read my books.


Canada needs to wake the frack up and people need to get off their fat asses on Election Day and vote. But, they are too busy bitching on Social Media.

Image may contain: one or more people, meme and text

There Is A Difference Between Decriminalizing And Legalization Of Drug Possession

There is a difference between decriminalizing and legalization of ‘simple’ drug possession.

Yet, many drug addicts will misinterpret decriminalization as legalization.  Because, face it, many street level drug addicts are numb to reality and often have perception problems in the area’s of law and societal tolerances.

Get as mad as you wish – I have a half century of being a drug user. I have been a heroin addict, a speed freak, a pothead and I have ventured through Electric Lady Land via LSD. I have been a user, a small time dealer and at times a major player in the import/export side of the criminal avenues of hardcore drug trafficking.

In July, 2001 Portugal “decriminalized” personal use drug possession. These changes did not legalize drug use. What the Law did was basically change the penalty so that a simple drug possession charge will not leave you with a criminal record that could come back to haunt you later in life.


They treat possession and use of small quantities of these drugs as a public health issue, not a criminal one. Authorities don’t arrest anyone found holding what’s considered less than a 10-day supply of an illicit drug — a gram of heroin, ecstasy, or amphetamine, two grams of cocaine, or 25 grams of cannabis. Offenders receive a citation and are ordered to appear before so- called “dissuasion panels” made up of legal, social, and psychological experts. Key word being “dissuasion”. They use all available avenues to dissuade drug use.

They are not simply left to walk away free with their drugs. Often the citation results in aversion therapy. Ranging from motivational counseling to opiate substitution therapy. Repeat offenders are not permitted to continuously destroy their lives. They are offered help via medical and psychological drug counselling professionals. This is followed up and enforced.

The combination of the law, social and health services is what has made their model a success.

Now, here in Canada we have begun to seriously look at this model. But, is Canada ready for the implementation of such?

I do not believe so. Not yet. There has to be a nationwide agreed upon policy in place before it is implemented.

Look at how the decriminalization of marijuana is already becoming problematic and it has not been legalized yet.

The legalization of marijuana is being RUSHED into effect on October 17, 2018 to boaster the failing Trudeau government statistics and hopefully obtain re-election by once again obtaining the youth, idiots and criminal vote. Even though the provincial governments are saying they are not ready yet. Even though the Police associations are saying they are not ready yet. Even though the country will have ten or more different approaches and methods of dealing with such as no two provinces are using the same models.

One is left to wonder why Canadians are so quick to jump on the obvious Trudeau “Oh look, I am such a modern political leader” train with little knowledge or outlook to what will happen further down the road.

But, in Trudeau’s defense – my fellow countrymen did vote him  because he had nice hair, promised legalization and jumped on the LGBT bandwagon while claiming to be a feminist supporter. (Disregard the 18 year old allegation of sexual assault and/or misconduct that he apologized for, but claims he did nothing wrong because he cannot remember doing it. Yet, he took immediate action towards his own cabinet members accused of less a sexual allegation. Just saying.)

I am dumbfounded by the Canadian authorities not building a nation wide model for Marijuana Decriminalization based on the success of Colorado’s successful legalization. Colorado did not jump into the swimming pool fully clothed and drown from the weight of soaked clothing. They carefully and  meticulously debated and researched until they had a universal plan accepted by the majority of their citizens.

If we Canadian citizens do not soon open up our eyes and mouths then soon all the monkeys will be running our zoo. Tim Horton coffee shop gatherings of bitchy seniors and bar room debates do not inform the powers to be as to what the citizens desire and demand.

Canadians will gather by the hundreds to protest the leader of another country, yet, gather by the mere tens to protest that which is destroying our Canadian ways of life and our values.


So sayeth The LightHouse Dann Verner on this the 16th day of July, 2018.