Dying Dann’s Adventures With Death #9

Greatest Cancer Treatment Centre in the World

Due to the Covid backlog the appointment was a complete waste of time and resources.

But fear not.

Forever action there is an opposite and equal reaction.

The Creator has reason for all that exists and/or happens.

It was a huge waste of time and taxi fare.

They did nothing.

Cardiologist was way too backed up.

They asked me to get my family doctor to see if he could find a cardiologist asap.

They are looking too.

Craziness.

I was up most of the night with anxiety.

I have been waiting 5 months to get these answers.

BUT…..

A LightHouse is what a LightHouse does.

Lead by example

I just forced a smile and bid them,

A Good Day.

God will reveal his calling for me soon.

I believe He has already been working on me behind the scenes.

So,

I have amped up my writing, blogs, my Last Canadian Cosmonaut Journal Magazine and now I have a IGTV Channel.

As well as my YouTube Channel.

KDV’s YouTube Channel

I will be doing more video “Vlogs” now..

Not to mention that I am almost finished Jordan’s biography. From his birth to his suicide on the morning of December 25th, 2018.

A very emotional one to write.

Very much so. Remember I tell you this.

I am almost finished the first novel of my new fictional series,

That’s My Good Eye, Jimi.

A telling of the lives of four Canadians of Irish decent from grade school to adulthood.

They make their living with a legal logistics company and a sideline business of smuggling contraband such as cigarettes, booze and weed across the USA /Canada border.

They are loyal to their neighbours and hometown proud as an Irish man can be.

I am experimenting with more humour and less graphic violence in this series.

With an open ended plot to mold one volume into the next.

As you see in most successful TV Series. (Hint of what may be formulating in my creative subconscious?)

Not as violent as my

Walking On Dawes Collection“.

I am hoping that the,

That’s My Good Eye, Jimi“,

Series may someday become a TV sitcom.

You never know.

If that is just a goal that never comes through then the story lives on through eternity my book rendition.

Over the past three years I have been approached with a couple of opportunities to consider.

Regarding a fictional project focusing on the characters from my various projects or perhaps a docu-drama based upon my autobiographical series,

“Walk With Dann Collection”.

Is it possible that my calling is to keep writing and speaking out about whatever is going on in my eclectic eccentric mind?

The answers my friend are blowing in the wind.

The Winds of Wishes of the Creator.

I will leave the spiritual wondering for a more meditative moment.

Till I feel my work here is done, I will remain LightHouse Dann – just as I am.

My Earlier Works. My has my writing improved over the last few years. I am more proud of my last 2 published works and excited for the debut of my new fictional series

I tremendously enjoyed authoring this book.

I researched and researched all aspects of the physical pathways of the storyline. I took advantage of Google Street View to set the proper moods within my mindset.

Overall, as my biggest critic, I have to say that “6315” compared to my first published book, “Damaged” is like the difference between a Kindergarten and an University education.

I Pray that YOU will find entertainment and stimulating thoughts from any and all of my existing works. I am open to any criticism or praise.

Also if there is a story you would like me to write let me know.

My first published work. Volume 1 of my four volume autobiography. I wrote it. I briefly edited it. I purposely decided to publish it totally “raw” as my life during that period was not corrected or edited

My first “standalone” novel. A journey of Peace, Free Love and Change. A Hippie on a Harley exploring North America in the Age of Aquarius.

The Binds That Tie

I have not been writing much as late.

I have to get back to doing so.

I am overloading my mind with chaos and confused emotions.

The cancer eats at me even when it is laying dormant. “Am I going to die?” or “Will I soon be a husk of my former self?” – these two questions echo to and fro within the confines of my mind.

The tears I have yet to understand. They flow without rhyme or reason. Occasionally I have a warning. Many times I have not. On a crowded bus they leak out my eyes and trickle down my cheeks. I have learned not to be embarrassed. We all cry occasionally.

Why am I crying???

I know not why. Perhaps it is fear of the cancer, or sadness from the condition of my emaciated body, or my feelings of unworthiness.

I know I have worth. I know I have been allowed to live for a greater reason than I have knowledge of.

In a few mere weeks I transitioned from one tough mofo of a streetwise gangster to a 102 pound HUMBLED man. A man who at 61 realizes that honesty, caring and devotion are the key ingredients to being a productive cog in the machine of life.

The cancer, stroke,abscess, septicemia and exploded spleen were just mere bumps in the road. Nudges from the Creator.

Unveiled clues to the meaning of my life. A “reset” of my inner core thought process.

Will I be happy sitting on a chair aging into an old man held hostage by thought in a ghetto apartment? Or, will I rejuvenate my soul’s energy and start the final ‘Walk With Dann’ with a new found love of living?

I chose the latter. I chose a life.

I have now been declared legally dead on 9 occasions. How many people can say this?

I used to wonder why I have been Blessed with returning from Death. I do not wonder now, for I know that I have a purpose yet to be revealed. A calling I will soon discover and understand.

I will not allow my physical ailments nor my psychological turmoil to steer my Walk.

I will leave those steps in the hands of the Creator.

When my calling and purpose births itself, I shall be ready.

It may well be as simple as writing yet another book about life lessons learned, or, it may be a complicated array of lecturing the youth or teaching the elders.

Only the Creator knows for sure what my destiny holds. I look forward to the day I obtain self realization and take the first step onto the path I must “Walk”.

I am but a grain of sand on the beach of life …….

Yet, I hold the power to change the world

Namaste’

These Are My Published Books To Date

Last week I published my third volume of my “Walking On Dawes Collection”
This collection shows how no matter how fantastic you believe ganglife to be, Miss Karma and her brother, Mr. Chaos always wins in the end.

Today I published “Unkz, A Canadian Cosmonaut” the fourth and final volume of my “Walk With Dann Collection”.

The last chapter of my life, or as I should say, my various lives.

I pray that my honesty and confessions will touch at least one soul and prevent them from making the wrong choices I have made.

All my works are available at https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B078JNX5WV

 

https://www.goodreads.com/LightHouseVerner

 

I write my books for me.

I tell my stories for my readers.

I am not sure if my works are badly written good stories or well written bad stories.

Not too sure I care either way. I do care that, in my “Walk With Dann Collection”, I am telling my life as brutally truthful as possible. In shame and in honour.

I do care that my ‘stand alone’ books, such as “The Last Canadian Cosmonaut” touch your heart.

I pray that my other collection, “Walking On Dawes”, shows that the gang life, although often ‘exciting’, leads only to karma biting your buttocks.”

My Walk With Dann Collection

Volumes 1, 2 & 3

Damaged” is my first book.

Like me, it is raw and full of mistakes.

I have left it “unedited” as life has left me.

DAMAGED”

Walk With Dann Collection

Volume 1

A Walk from my birth till I meet my second wife.”


It is rough, crude in fact, numerous format conversion errors.

I left It raw on purpose as a testament to the honesty of my words and work.

It contains humour, murder, explosions and motorcycles.

It may or may not be fictional or may even be non-fictional.”

BANE

Walk With Dann Collection

Volume 2

Walks you through my middle years and three decades of marriage.”

It does not contain the excitement of it’s predecessor.”

It begins to show you who I was and who I was becoming.”

 

BOON”

Walk With Dann Collection

Volume 3

Walks you deep into my personal life of trials and tribulations and my uniquely twisted none the norm perception of my realty.”

“Unkz, A Canadian Cosmonaut”

Volume 4 – Walk With Dann Collection

Unkz - A Canadian Cosmonaut

There are deeply complicated thoughts that haunt you, when you well know you are insane.

Insane by their standard.

I believe I am just Dann, just as I am.

I am not like others.

I am not them.

I am me.

Yet, there are multiple “me’s”.

And they are all I can or should be.

As the previous confessions of my life told within my first work, “Damaged, tells, I am, ‘broken

Began at birth.

Blue baby.

Unplanned child.

Unwanted but wanted.

And left to die before I had lived.

Only my deepest consciousness knows what I have experienced.

To keep my spirit alive my mind vaulted those days far in the depths of the encrypted memories.

Never to be re-lived.

Never to scar my soul once more.

Now, I am sixty-one years old and it is time for me to end this “Walk With Dann Collection” with this, my final volume.

To give closure to the three previous quarters of my numerous lives.

I am not soon to ascend.

But, my Walk With Dann Collection must contain a sincere final volume of my most innermost beliefs and thoughts.

For I cannot author them after I reach my own personal concept of Valhalla.

A final confession of both my rights and my wrongs.

I will utter exact truths, I will hold no quarter from exposing who I have become in the final quarter of a Canadian Cosmonaut’s life.

My life has been no different than yours.

My strife, my loves, my sorrows, my learning and my battlefield are far different than yours.

I present to you ………….

“Unkz, A Canadian Cosmonaut”

So, come, Walk With Dann.

THE LAST CANADIAN COSMONAUT”

(My first ‘standalone book‘ and my personal favorite.)

TLCC (2)

THE LAST CANADIAN COSMONAUT”

Here are the opening pages

The smell of the ocean danced on my nostrils as I walked, slipping and sliding, across the flats. My eyes darting to and fro, carefully scanning ahead for sink holes.

I should have been walking the other direction. Towards the junior high school. Towards hippie teachers trying to teach me of science, faith and nature.

I could hear the train in the distance. Pulling it’s tonnage of sugar cane around the bend to the refinery.

The tug boats crested the horizon. Their wake spewing behind them as they pushed against the mighty tanker so as to slow it’s unforgiving momentum. Lest it run ashore.

The shore. My foster home was there. High up the hill. It’s windows like two large eyes, taunting me with guilt.“Go to school“, they seemed to say.

I can’t”, my reply.”

Walking On Dawes Collection

img_20180108_080807_689-830414389

I WANT TO BE ‘FLOKI’”

Walking On Dawes Collection”

Volume 1”

This is a tale of a family who live their lives within the gang life. Except Little Ray. He and his family want him to break the cycle and live a normal life.”

There is tragedy, laughter and most of all ‘insight’ within.

Big Roy - Dedication

So come with us as we

Walk On Dawes.”

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You Can’t See Me”

Walking On Dawes Collection

Volume 2

This is a portrait of a broken man living a broken life in a broken world where family and friendship are one and the same.

Where wrong choices can lead to lifelong regrets. Haunting the very soul and stabbing the heart daily to remind you of the penalties of actions.

Where a man can be all alone and un-noticed in a crowded room.

Where sadness shadows joy and joy masks sadness.

This is the life of one man on one street in one city.”

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6315 – The Original Urban Viking”

Walking On Dawes Collection”

Volume 3”

Life can be unfair. It can be brutal.

Especially for an inner city young man growing up in the projects.

This is a tale of such a man. A man who walked many paths. Who made choices – good and bad. Who experienced love, hate, joy and sadness and bears the scars to show their result.

A man who chose the path of gang life over grade school classes. A man who’s rocking horse was a Harley Davidson. His playground was the streets. His graduation was held in a Federal Penitentiary.

A man who found remorse and regrets haunting him throughout his adulthood.

A man who wanted out.

A man who wished for peace in his soul and calmness in his heart.

His name,

6315 – The Original Urban Viking”

6315 Back Cover

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44958945_1009675939234463_5726194881727037440_o

AFTERWARD OR AFTERWORDS

AFTERWARD OR AFTERWORDS

WHY I WRITE

Many ask me why l write.

I write my books for me.

I tell my stories for my readers.

I am not sure if my works are badly written good stories or well written bad stories.

Not too sure I care either way. I do care that, in my “Walk With Dann Collection”, I am telling my life as brutally truthful as possible. In shame and in honour.

I do care that my ‘stand alone’ books, such as “The Last Canadian Cosmonaut” touch your heart.

I pray that my other collection, “Walking On Dawes”, shows that the gang life, although often ‘exciting’, leads only to karma biting your buttocks.”

My Walk With Dann Collection

Volumes 1, 2 & 3

Damaged” is my first book.

Like me, it is raw and full of mistakes.

I have left it “unedited” as life has left me.

DAMAGED”

Walk With Dann Collection

Volume 1

A Walk from my birth till I meet my second wife.”


It is rough, crude in fact, numerous format conversion errors.

I left It raw on purpose as a testament to the honesty of my words and work.

It contains humour, murder, explosions and motorcycles.

It may or may not be fictional or may even be non-fictional.”

BANE’

Walk With Dann Collection

Volume 2

Walks you through my middle years and three decades of marriage.

It does not contain the excitement of it’s predecessor.

It begins to show you who I was and who I was becoming.”

 

 

BOON”

Walk With Dann Collection

Volume 3

Walks you deep into my personal life of trials and tribulations and my uniquely twisted none the norm perception of my realty.”

So, come, Walk With Dann.

THE LAST CANADIAN COSMONAUT”

(My first ‘standalone book‘, my personal favorite.)

The smell of the ocean danced on my nostrils as I walked, slipping and sliding, across the flats. My eyes darting to and fro, carefully scanning ahead for sink holes.

I should have been walking the other direction. Towards the junior high school. Towards hippie teachers trying to teach me of science, faith and nature.

I could hear the train in the distance. Pulling it’s tonnage of sugar cane around the bend to the refinery.

The tug boats crested the horizon. Their wake spewing behind them as they pushed against the mighty tanker so as to slow it’s unforgiving momentum. Lest it run ashore.

The shore. My foster home was there. High up the hill. It’s windows like two large eyes, taunting me with guilt.“Go to school“, they seemed to say.

I can’t”, my reply.

Walking On Dawes Collection

 

I WANT TO BE ‘FLOKI’”

Walking On Dawes Collection”

Volume 1”

Big Roy - Dedication

This is a tale of a family who live their lives within the gang life. Except Little Ray. He and his family want him to break the cycle and live a normal life.”

There is tragedy, laughter and most of all ‘insight’ within.

So come with us as we

Walk On Dawes.”

 

 

You Can’t See Me”

Walking On Dawes Collection

Volume 2

This is a portrait of a broken man living a broken life in a broken world where family and friendship are one and the same.

Where wrong choices can lead to lifelong regrets. Haunting the very soul and stabbing the heart daily to remind you of the penalties of actions.

Where a man can be all alone and un-noticed in a crowded room.

Where sadness shadows joy and joy masks sadness.

This is the life of one man on one street in one city.

A man who let his darkness blind his Light.

LEGEND_20180430_152558

LEGEND_20180223_031436

In My Secret Life

We all have many ‘lives‘ per se.

We all have that one secret life. With most it is a harmless secret.

I have put most my lives out there. In blogs and in my novels.

Yet, I have that one life I rarely reveal …….

My ‘secret‘ life.

The one where I cry dry tears, moaning silent cries of regrets and anguish.

To quote Leonard Cohen,

“I bite my lip
I buy what I’m told:
From the latest hit
To the wisdom of old
But I’m always alone
And my heart is like ice
And it’s crowded and cold
In my secret life”

The one that haunts my sleep and steals my rest. Leaving me ashamed and broken.

The one I have no words to describe. The one that stole my happiness in life.

I had a concept of happiness in my life, not to say I had never experienced such. But, I stole that from myself by my refusal to follow my dreams at a younger age. A theft of my future. Robbing myself of what my life could have been if I had dropped the masks of being an old school rebel tainted by my hatred of living.

Perhaps it was my Heroin fogged adolescent years. Or perhaps the intoxicated cloud of my twenties. It may have even been my refusal to secure a solid base for my elder years.

It may be the guilt of stealing away my many children’s futures.

It definitely has led to my self flogging. To my lashing my spiritual back thirteen stripes each and every evening before I lay down to suffer the horrors of flashbacks for crimes of my past.

I have done things most only read about in novels or see upon the screens of televisions during prime time movies.

Things best never revealed. Lest cause more pain for my family and friends.

I have danced with the Devils. I have shared meals with Evil. I have choked down the truth as I concocted lies to cover my tracks. Burying the evidence six cold feet below the eyes of society.

I will dance with the Devils again. In an eternal ballet of penance and regrets. Karma and her brother Chaos have shadowed me for six decades. They await me still in Valhalla.

Perhaps my beloved mother, (ironically her name is ‘Mary‘), saw this at my birth. Thus, leaving me to thrive or die at six months of age.

I have ‘Walked‘ my seven plains of time and space continuum’s. My eighth, the final ‘Walk” we all will stride, shall be my version of your ‘Heaven‘ or far more likely your ‘Hell“.

I already know what awaits me after my final death. Perhaps many years from now when I know it is my time I shall write that final chapter in a book or blog.

Part of my penance has been remembering my first seven cracks at the bat of life. We are not suppose to remember the ‘Seven Walks’. That is a pleasure only those with no guilt get to enjoy. Reserved for those who followed society’s basic rules. Your Ten Commandments, for lack of a better term. I broke nine of the Biblical ten – I have never committed adultery while still with my beloved wife. Having not divorced and having been separated for years, as she went her way and I mine, I have technically committed adultery as defined by their Bible.

In reality, I have never strayed while loving and living with my wife, Jennifer.

“Why eat a cookie when you have a beautiful cake at home?”

All my life I often joked that I was awaiting the return of the ‘Mothership‘. This I now know was my inner child waiting for my mother to return to that cold, damp crib in that empty house and show me a mothers love. I never have had the opportunity to be rewarded with that emotion.

My secret life is/was the pain that moment implanted into my soul. The Mothership will never come. For that ship blasted off to a different world then I shall ever know.

The scars of her choice left me with a defiance and darkness that can not be explained. The only physical evidence being my life of refusing to bend to the ways of man. My strong willed desire to shout blatantly,

“And I will not be commanded
And I will not be controlled
And I will not let my future go on
Without the help of my soul.”
(The Lost Boy – Greg Holden)

But, does one born into evil and abandonment have a soul?

Unfortunately for me, I am not in the position to answer that. For what I experienced while dead seven times I am not able to explain in words. I have detailed most of the experiences as best I could in my books and past blogs.

Some things are best left untold so as not to destroy your concept of life and death.

I have tried to make amends. Hence my inviting you to come “Walk With Dann.” A futile attempt to reach out to hopefully steer one soul away from the path I chose.

My Walks with you can only take you as far as your reality. For my reality is only shared with others who have strode a similar path as I have. I am not the only one to have been cursed with remembering the Seven Walks. Knowing that number eight holds no choice. That there will be only one path the final ride. Not the seven choices we are all given with the first seven. Dante’ knew of these when he scribe his “Inferno”.

The saddest part of all this is that I have many years yet to pay my penance. There lay before me decades carrying the weight of wrongs upon my broken back. I suspect I shall bear this cross till I reach the age of 112. For I have been told by the Creators that I shall live till then. Mind you they lay no guarantee that it will be a pleasant journey. In fact, it will be a painful existence wrought with discomfort and pain.

Physics teaches that for every action there lays an equal yet opposite reaction. Faith teaches the same. Good versus evil – push versus pull. Light versus dark. Truths versus lies.

Each night for nigh on sixty years I have been plagued with sleep not arriving until all my wrongs play out like a collection of short vignettes and seal my eyes into sleep with dry tears and silent screams.

This is my “Secret Life