Tag Archives: life

Kapitulation

Many have surely noticed by now that my emotions and writings are up and down more than elevator at a tourist attraction.

I apologize for that.

I am going through so much, … too much, for me to quell the demons.

I apologize.

I never expected that by my becoming a victim of cancer it would cost me all the things most dear to me.

My home = gone

My son = gone

My dogs = gone

My truest love = gone

My physical body = gone

My innermost soul = gone

It has to be me. Every day it’s the same subliminal accusations. So, I must be doing some sort of low life activity that I am unaware of.

It’s the only logical explanation.

In my day, it was said that if someone constantly accuses you of doing something then it was THEY who are hiding secrets.

I do not believe that either, though.

I feel like a damn broken recording, but, I will repeat this one more time :

I may be a dangerous man, a killer, a thief, a biker, a nomad. BUT ….. I never lie about how truly I love someone. Only a low life piece of crap would play with another souls emotions. It is one of the worse things you can do to anyone – playing Russian roulette with their hearts and souls.

Cancer is evil. It takes control over your family and close friend’s emotions and tries to wreak havoc every way it may.

Often it wins and destroys the patient and his/her family ties.

Many marriages fall apart due to the complexity of what comes with a cancer diagnosis.

I am tired, very tired. Mainly emotionally, but very much physically, also.

I have had so much happen in the past two years.

Fall and winter 2017/2018 – nine surgeries on my kidneys, and bladder.

Removed my gall bladder.

One third of my liver removed.

Spring 2018 – repair and replace part of the hardwear holding my right foot together.

Followed shortly thereafter by yet another heart attack.

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Summer 2018 – seizures started. It was determined they are being caused by residual damaged from when they removed C2, C3, C5 and C6 vertebrae and the spinal cord and brain damage from the shattered neck.

Fall 2018 – shot in the leg by a nice black man on Dawes Road. Wrong place at the right time.

Early October diagnosed with Pharyngeal carcinoma, Stage 4 – 19 tumors in my head, neck and upper chest area.

Exactly one week to the day I received the diagnosis of the Squamous Cell carcinoma, it also is Stage 4. One very large tumor on the base of my tongue and one smaller tumor on either side 3 close to my heart and 3 additional ones in the frontal lobe area of my beautiful brain.

Both cancers too far past conventional treatments.

My two options consisted of complete removal of my tongue and most everything in my neck cavity

or

take part in a human trial and complete a very radical and complex series of radiation therapy.

Hence, I chose the latter.

January 2019 – while hospitalized for treatments they found an extremely large existing abscess in my lower abdominal cavity.

This abscess was existing for Lords know how long and was not related to the cancers or previous conditions. 

One week after the removal of the abscess I had a drain tube malfunction that tore up more of my intestines and such. It manifested into a full blown septicemia battle. Almost died twice during the battle to survive.

February 2019 – after being home only two nights on February 2nd my spleen explodes in my sleep and I bleed out. Eventually I would go through 8 litres of my rare blood. But for the grace of God I am still here today.

Miraculously, they kept me alive and I was able to get discharged from the Micheal Garron Hospital and re-admitted to Princess Margaret Cancer Hospital.

March 1st 2019 – I successfully finished the radical radiation sessions.

Very successful in killing the both types of tumors.

Or so we had thought ……..

April 2019 – 7 Squamous Cell tumors return.

Come May 6th, 2019 I will receive a complete and more complex updated diagnosis of my situation.

Until then, I remain, Dann – just as I am.

Broken

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Which One Of Us Is ‘Different”?

Many people do not understand what they call “Mental Health“.

How do you explain the battle with your demons to someone that has been trained to believe that ‘different‘ is wrong?

Is ‘different‘ wrong?

Because to we who suffer through the constant battle of ‘personality disorders‘ YOU are the ‘different‘ one.

I do not believe in any of the labels society has placed on people.

I DO believe we all suffer from personality ‘conflicts’.

Every soul on this planet suffers the same stresses and have the same emotions as everyone else. We all live in the same space/time continuum. We all eat, drink and breathe the same.

We are all homo sapiens living on the same Big Blue Marble.

I have many demons who are constantly looking to diminish my everyday life. They do their best to bring anger, tears, sorrow and carelessness to the forefront.

I do get tired of battling them. I do give up on occasions.

I don’t want to, but, I get tired.

Damn, I get tired.

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Real tired! I am tired now.

I have no fight left in me.

Which leaves me in a quandary.

Do I wear myself out and try to stay “LightHouse“?

Or do I walk backwards and become “Shake“?

Or do I escape into my mind and live life as “Dann“?

Or should I allow my mind to burst and revert to the infant “Boo Boo“?

Boo Boo works, spend the rest of my years as a parentless child with a shitty diaper and speaking only gibberish.

Dann presents problems because he is fake as can be. The smiling face society says is ‘proper‘.

LightHouse is who I strived to be.  He is a nice man. Educated, loyal and truthful.

Unfortunately.

LightHouse gets hurt often.

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His smile is real. The reason he smiles is because society shuns those who do not wear the mask of the sheep.

But, I am no “sheep“.

Yes, I am having what you perceive as “psychological” disorders.

The disorders being that I refuse to be fake and I will not be commanded, I will not be controlled and I definitely will not let my life go on without a little help from my soul.

I will go on – maybe – maybe not.

I have published the fourth and closing chapter of my life – “Unkz, A Canadian Cosmonaut”.

My ‘Walk With Dann Collection‘ shows well the battles I have fought trying to conform to the sheepdom of society life.

Now, if I were to die tomorrow, and no one were to remember me, there lays a permanent record of my lives and my seven previous deaths.

Forever out there in paper form and the evil virtual reality of the unrealistic internet.

We need to stop labelling.

We need to stop being clones of each others perceptions.

Simple as that.

Namaste’

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Unkz - A Canadian Cosmonaut

These Are My Published Books To Date

Last week I published my third volume of my “Walking On Dawes Collection”
This collection shows how no matter how fantastic you believe ganglife to be, Miss Karma and her brother, Mr. Chaos always wins in the end.

Today I published “Unkz, A Canadian Cosmonaut” the fourth and final volume of my “Walk With Dann Collection”.

The last chapter of my life, or as I should say, my various lives.

I pray that my honesty and confessions will touch at least one soul and prevent them from making the wrong choices I have made.

All my works are available at https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B078JNX5WV

 

https://www.goodreads.com/LightHouseVerner

 

I write my books for me.

I tell my stories for my readers.

I am not sure if my works are badly written good stories or well written bad stories.

Not too sure I care either way. I do care that, in my “Walk With Dann Collection”, I am telling my life as brutally truthful as possible. In shame and in honour.

I do care that my ‘stand alone’ books, such as “The Last Canadian Cosmonaut” touch your heart.

I pray that my other collection, “Walking On Dawes”, shows that the gang life, although often ‘exciting’, leads only to karma biting your buttocks.”

My Walk With Dann Collection

Volumes 1, 2 & 3

Damaged” is my first book.

Like me, it is raw and full of mistakes.

I have left it “unedited” as life has left me.

DAMAGED”

Walk With Dann Collection

Volume 1

A Walk from my birth till I meet my second wife.”


It is rough, crude in fact, numerous format conversion errors.

I left It raw on purpose as a testament to the honesty of my words and work.

It contains humour, murder, explosions and motorcycles.

It may or may not be fictional or may even be non-fictional.”

BANE

Walk With Dann Collection

Volume 2

Walks you through my middle years and three decades of marriage.”

It does not contain the excitement of it’s predecessor.”

It begins to show you who I was and who I was becoming.”

 

BOON”

Walk With Dann Collection

Volume 3

Walks you deep into my personal life of trials and tribulations and my uniquely twisted none the norm perception of my realty.”

“Unkz, A Canadian Cosmonaut”

Volume 4 – Walk With Dann Collection

Unkz - A Canadian Cosmonaut

There are deeply complicated thoughts that haunt you, when you well know you are insane.

Insane by their standard.

I believe I am just Dann, just as I am.

I am not like others.

I am not them.

I am me.

Yet, there are multiple “me’s”.

And they are all I can or should be.

As the previous confessions of my life told within my first work, “Damaged, tells, I am, ‘broken

Began at birth.

Blue baby.

Unplanned child.

Unwanted but wanted.

And left to die before I had lived.

Only my deepest consciousness knows what I have experienced.

To keep my spirit alive my mind vaulted those days far in the depths of the encrypted memories.

Never to be re-lived.

Never to scar my soul once more.

Now, I am sixty-one years old and it is time for me to end this “Walk With Dann Collection” with this, my final volume.

To give closure to the three previous quarters of my numerous lives.

I am not soon to ascend.

But, my Walk With Dann Collection must contain a sincere final volume of my most innermost beliefs and thoughts.

For I cannot author them after I reach my own personal concept of Valhalla.

A final confession of both my rights and my wrongs.

I will utter exact truths, I will hold no quarter from exposing who I have become in the final quarter of a Canadian Cosmonaut’s life.

My life has been no different than yours.

My strife, my loves, my sorrows, my learning and my battlefield are far different than yours.

I present to you ………….

“Unkz, A Canadian Cosmonaut”

So, come, Walk With Dann.

THE LAST CANADIAN COSMONAUT”

(My first ‘standalone book‘ and my personal favorite.)

TLCC (2)

THE LAST CANADIAN COSMONAUT”

Here are the opening pages

The smell of the ocean danced on my nostrils as I walked, slipping and sliding, across the flats. My eyes darting to and fro, carefully scanning ahead for sink holes.

I should have been walking the other direction. Towards the junior high school. Towards hippie teachers trying to teach me of science, faith and nature.

I could hear the train in the distance. Pulling it’s tonnage of sugar cane around the bend to the refinery.

The tug boats crested the horizon. Their wake spewing behind them as they pushed against the mighty tanker so as to slow it’s unforgiving momentum. Lest it run ashore.

The shore. My foster home was there. High up the hill. It’s windows like two large eyes, taunting me with guilt.“Go to school“, they seemed to say.

I can’t”, my reply.”

Walking On Dawes Collection

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I WANT TO BE ‘FLOKI’”

Walking On Dawes Collection”

Volume 1”

This is a tale of a family who live their lives within the gang life. Except Little Ray. He and his family want him to break the cycle and live a normal life.”

There is tragedy, laughter and most of all ‘insight’ within.

Big Roy - Dedication

So come with us as we

Walk On Dawes.”

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You Can’t See Me”

Walking On Dawes Collection

Volume 2

This is a portrait of a broken man living a broken life in a broken world where family and friendship are one and the same.

Where wrong choices can lead to lifelong regrets. Haunting the very soul and stabbing the heart daily to remind you of the penalties of actions.

Where a man can be all alone and un-noticed in a crowded room.

Where sadness shadows joy and joy masks sadness.

This is the life of one man on one street in one city.”

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6315 – The Original Urban Viking”

Walking On Dawes Collection”

Volume 3”

Life can be unfair. It can be brutal.

Especially for an inner city young man growing up in the projects.

This is a tale of such a man. A man who walked many paths. Who made choices – good and bad. Who experienced love, hate, joy and sadness and bears the scars to show their result.

A man who chose the path of gang life over grade school classes. A man who’s rocking horse was a Harley Davidson. His playground was the streets. His graduation was held in a Federal Penitentiary.

A man who found remorse and regrets haunting him throughout his adulthood.

A man who wanted out.

A man who wished for peace in his soul and calmness in his heart.

His name,

6315 – The Original Urban Viking”

6315 Back Cover

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AFTERWARD OR AFTERWORDS

AFTERWARD OR AFTERWORDS

WHY I WRITE

Many ask me why l write.

I write my books for me.

I tell my stories for my readers.

I am not sure if my works are badly written good stories or well written bad stories.

Not too sure I care either way. I do care that, in my “Walk With Dann Collection”, I am telling my life as brutally truthful as possible. In shame and in honour.

I do care that my ‘stand alone’ books, such as “The Last Canadian Cosmonaut” touch your heart.

I pray that my other collection, “Walking On Dawes”, shows that the gang life, although often ‘exciting’, leads only to karma biting your buttocks.”

My Walk With Dann Collection

Volumes 1, 2 & 3

Damaged” is my first book.

Like me, it is raw and full of mistakes.

I have left it “unedited” as life has left me.

DAMAGED”

Walk With Dann Collection

Volume 1

A Walk from my birth till I meet my second wife.”


It is rough, crude in fact, numerous format conversion errors.

I left It raw on purpose as a testament to the honesty of my words and work.

It contains humour, murder, explosions and motorcycles.

It may or may not be fictional or may even be non-fictional.”

BANE’

Walk With Dann Collection

Volume 2

Walks you through my middle years and three decades of marriage.

It does not contain the excitement of it’s predecessor.

It begins to show you who I was and who I was becoming.”

 

 

BOON”

Walk With Dann Collection

Volume 3

Walks you deep into my personal life of trials and tribulations and my uniquely twisted none the norm perception of my realty.”

So, come, Walk With Dann.

THE LAST CANADIAN COSMONAUT”

(My first ‘standalone book‘, my personal favorite.)

The smell of the ocean danced on my nostrils as I walked, slipping and sliding, across the flats. My eyes darting to and fro, carefully scanning ahead for sink holes.

I should have been walking the other direction. Towards the junior high school. Towards hippie teachers trying to teach me of science, faith and nature.

I could hear the train in the distance. Pulling it’s tonnage of sugar cane around the bend to the refinery.

The tug boats crested the horizon. Their wake spewing behind them as they pushed against the mighty tanker so as to slow it’s unforgiving momentum. Lest it run ashore.

The shore. My foster home was there. High up the hill. It’s windows like two large eyes, taunting me with guilt.“Go to school“, they seemed to say.

I can’t”, my reply.

Walking On Dawes Collection

 

I WANT TO BE ‘FLOKI’”

Walking On Dawes Collection”

Volume 1”

Big Roy - Dedication

This is a tale of a family who live their lives within the gang life. Except Little Ray. He and his family want him to break the cycle and live a normal life.”

There is tragedy, laughter and most of all ‘insight’ within.

So come with us as we

Walk On Dawes.”

 

 

You Can’t See Me”

Walking On Dawes Collection

Volume 2

This is a portrait of a broken man living a broken life in a broken world where family and friendship are one and the same.

Where wrong choices can lead to lifelong regrets. Haunting the very soul and stabbing the heart daily to remind you of the penalties of actions.

Where a man can be all alone and un-noticed in a crowded room.

Where sadness shadows joy and joy masks sadness.

This is the life of one man on one street in one city.

A man who let his darkness blind his Light.

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Upper and middle class well to do people have no concept whatsoever as to what the average person goes through just to survive.

I live in Toronto, we have more people than any other city in Canada, show me where these people are speaking up about Canadian politics – they will gather in flocks to protest American politics, but not for our problems.

Facebook protests are as useless as tits on a bull. Where are these people speaking out? Instagram? Twitter? Tim Horton’s?

Most are still trying to figure out why we have a Prime Minister and a President because no one has taught them that Canada and the U.S. are two separate countries.

For the love of the Creators, they voted in a man because he has nice hair and legalized pot.

The world is boxed, society lives in a “Don’t hurt my feelings” world – it will eventually end bad.

Trudeau is destroying Canadian values, our Court systems are ancient and now we think there are more than two sexes.

Here is a picture of the Supreme Court of Canada Judges with their families …

photo of monkeys
Photo by Acharaporn Kamornboonyarush on Pexels.com

I won’t even start about how insane our education system is.

I shake my head all the time.

The average person on the street are not even aware that Canada and the U.S. are two separate countries.

We have our downtown core filled with elderly, homeless and mentally damaged people living on the boiling hot concrete – stroll through the valleys, off the glamorized bike paths and see how many tents there are.

MEANWHILE, WE ARE GOING TO AND HAVE BEEN PUTTING “ILLEGAL” BORDER CROSSERS IN HOTELS. THEY HAVE ALREADY FILLED UP OUR SHELTERS AND HOSTELS.

Banning guns is a token band-aid media treat to show the public that politicians are maybe listening.

Never met a gang-banger in my life that applied for a carry licence.

Third Strike Law, no plea bargaining, one sentence for murder, no bail for any weapons and stop making Canadian prisons like Boy Scout camps.

I did time in old school Dorchester in the 70’s – never went back. It was a prison, not a Holiday Inn.

We live in such a delusional time where we worry more about hurting feelings or making prisoners “comfortable”, where the media spends more time discussing the heart ache of a murderers family than the distraught felt by the 15 victim families.

You cannot tell me about the criminal element and what will work – I’ve spent 60 years dealing with such. I have seen and done things that no human should have did or even witnessed.

Upper and middle class well to do people have no concept whatsoever as to what the average person goes through just to survive. Most of us survive on $18,000 a year of which $11,000 or more goes for rent. You Liberal supporters spend that on beer.

Read my books.

BUT, MOST OF ALL DON’T BELIEVE WHAT FACEBOOK AND THE GOVERNMENT OR MEDIA TELL YOU – THEY HAVE A FAR DIFFERENT AGENDA. TO KEEP CERTAIN PEOPLE IN POWER AND THEIR PORTFOLIOS PLUMP.

Canada needs to wake the frack up and people need to get off their fat asses on Election Day and vote. But, they are too busy bitching on Social Media.

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There Is A Difference Between Decriminalizing And Legalization Of Drug Possession

There is a difference between decriminalizing and legalization of ‘simple’ drug possession.

Yet, many drug addicts will misinterpret decriminalization as legalization.  Because, face it, many street level drug addicts are numb to reality and often have perception problems in the area’s of law and societal tolerances.

Get as mad as you wish – I have a half century of being a drug user. I have been a heroin addict, a speed freak, a pothead and I have ventured through Electric Lady Land via LSD. I have been a user, a small time dealer and at times a major player in the import/export side of the criminal avenues of hardcore drug trafficking.

In July, 2001 Portugal “decriminalized” personal use drug possession. These changes did not legalize drug use. What the Law did was basically change the penalty so that a simple drug possession charge will not leave you with a criminal record that could come back to haunt you later in life.

IT IS STILL AGAINST THE LAW TO USE OR POSSESS DRUGS IN PORTUGAL!

They treat possession and use of small quantities of these drugs as a public health issue, not a criminal one. Authorities don’t arrest anyone found holding what’s considered less than a 10-day supply of an illicit drug — a gram of heroin, ecstasy, or amphetamine, two grams of cocaine, or 25 grams of cannabis. Offenders receive a citation and are ordered to appear before so- called “dissuasion panels” made up of legal, social, and psychological experts. Key word being “dissuasion”. They use all available avenues to dissuade drug use.

They are not simply left to walk away free with their drugs. Often the citation results in aversion therapy. Ranging from motivational counseling to opiate substitution therapy. Repeat offenders are not permitted to continuously destroy their lives. They are offered help via medical and psychological drug counselling professionals. This is followed up and enforced.

The combination of the law, social and health services is what has made their model a success.

Now, here in Canada we have begun to seriously look at this model. But, is Canada ready for the implementation of such?

I do not believe so. Not yet. There has to be a nationwide agreed upon policy in place before it is implemented.

Look at how the decriminalization of marijuana is already becoming problematic and it has not been legalized yet.

The legalization of marijuana is being RUSHED into effect on October 17, 2018 to boaster the failing Trudeau government statistics and hopefully obtain re-election by once again obtaining the youth, idiots and criminal vote. Even though the provincial governments are saying they are not ready yet. Even though the Police associations are saying they are not ready yet. Even though the country will have ten or more different approaches and methods of dealing with such as no two provinces are using the same models.

One is left to wonder why Canadians are so quick to jump on the obvious Trudeau “Oh look, I am such a modern political leader” train with little knowledge or outlook to what will happen further down the road.

But, in Trudeau’s defense – my fellow countrymen did vote him  because he had nice hair, promised legalization and jumped on the LGBT bandwagon while claiming to be a feminist supporter. (Disregard the 18 year old allegation of sexual assault and/or misconduct that he apologized for, but claims he did nothing wrong because he cannot remember doing it. Yet, he took immediate action towards his own cabinet members accused of less a sexual allegation. Just saying.)

I am dumbfounded by the Canadian authorities not building a nation wide model for Marijuana Decriminalization based on the success of Colorado’s successful legalization. Colorado did not jump into the swimming pool fully clothed and drown from the weight of soaked clothing. They carefully and  meticulously debated and researched until they had a universal plan accepted by the majority of their citizens.

If we Canadian citizens do not soon open up our eyes and mouths then soon all the monkeys will be running our zoo. Tim Horton coffee shop gatherings of bitchy seniors and bar room debates do not inform the powers to be as to what the citizens desire and demand.

Canadians will gather by the hundreds to protest the leader of another country, yet, gather by the mere tens to protest that which is destroying our Canadian ways of life and our values.

WAKE UP SHEEP! THE WOLF IS IN THE PASTURE!

So sayeth The LightHouse Dann Verner on this the 16th day of July, 2018.

Meine Bücher Erklärt

Erlaube mir, dich auf eine Reise in die verdrehte, aufgewühlte Leere meines inneren Ichs mitzunehmen.

Aus diesem Grund habe ich vor all diesen Jahren angefangen zu bloggen. Ich werde immer bloggen.

Ich werde immer eine Meinung oder einen Gedanken haben und ich bin stolz auf meine Überzeugungen.

Blogging brachte mich dazu, mein Leben lang den Wunsch zu erfüllen, mein Leben dort draußen zu verbringen. Für meine Existenz war sehr einzigartig. Ich bin ein echter kanadischer Kosmonaut.

Auf diesen Seiten findest du die Essenz, die ich bin – möge ich dich durch die Tunnel meiner Gedanken führen und dich im strahlenden Schein meiner Meinung baden.

Ich biete dir ‘Dann’ so wie ich bin ..

 

Viele fragen mich, warum ich schreibe.
Ich schreibe meine Bücher für mich.
“Ich erzähle meinen Geschichten für meine Leser.”
Ich bin mir nicht sicher, ob meine Werke schlecht geschriebene gute Geschichten oder gut geschriebene schlechte Geschichten sind.

Nicht so sicher, ob es mir egal ist.

Mir ist es wichtig, dass ich in meiner “Walk With Dann Collection” mein Leben so brutal und wahrheitsgetreu wie möglich über eine fiktionale Perspektive erzähle.

In Schande und in Ehre.

Das erste Buch der “Walk With Dann Collection” war das allererste Buch, das ich geschrieben habe. Ich habe absichtlich alle Rechtschreib- und Grammatikfehler vergessen. Wie auch bei den Formatierungs- und Bearbeitungsfehlern.

Ich tat dies, damit der Leser sah, dass das Leben voller Fehler ist und mein Leben begann “BESCHÄDIGT”.

Wie die folgenden Bände zeigen, habe ich gelernt, wie ich schrieb, und ich schrieb, wie ich gelernt habe. Jetzt, da ich an verschiedenen Projekten arbeite, kann ich sagen, dass ich ein “Autor” bin. Und ich tue das mit Stolz.

Es ist mir wichtig, dass meine Bücher “Stand Alone” wie “The Last Canadian Cosmonaut” dein Herz berühren. Es ist auch eine fiktive Erzählung einer vergangenen Lebenserfahrung. Eine Erfahrung, die nicht dupliziert werden kann.

Ich bete dafür, dass meine andere Sammlung, “Walking On Dawes Collection”, zeigt, dass Gangleben, obwohl oft ‘aufregend’, nur dazu führt, dass Karma in dein Gesäß beißt.

Ich beginne damit, die Geschichten zu lesen, von denen Sie glauben, dass ich den Lebensstil der Bande verherrliche, und versichere Ihnen, dass Sie am Ende jedes Bandes die Logik meiner Botschaft verstehen werden.

 

Eine Zusammenfassung meiner “Walk With Dann Collection”:

Mein Spaziergang mit Dann-Sammlung, Bände 1, 2 & 3

“Damaged” ist mein erstes Buch.

Wie ich, ist es roh und voller Fehler.

Ich habe es “unbearbeitet” gelassen, wie das Leben mich verlassen hat.

Lichthaus Dann Verner

 

Band 1, “BESCHÄDIGT” nimmt dich von meiner Geburt an bis zu meiner zweiten Frau.

Es ist grob, grob in der Tat, zahlreiche Formatkonvertierungsfehler.

Ich habe es absichtlich roh gelassen, als Beweis für die Ehrlichkeit meiner Worte und meiner Arbeit.

Es enthält Humor, Mord, Explosionen und Motorräder.

Es kann fiktiv oder vielleicht auch nicht fiktiv sein.

Lichthaus Dann Verner

 

 

Der zweite Band, ‘BANE’, führt Sie durch meine mittleren Jahre und drei Jahrzehnte der Ehe.

Es enthält nicht die Aufregung seines Vorgängers.

Es enthält viel mehr.

Es ist eine fiktive / non-fiktionale Geschichte davon, wie viele verschiedene “Spaziergänge” wir in unseren Leben nehmen.

Es erzählt von Liebe, Hass, Gesundheit, Krankheit, Reichen, Poorman, Eiscreme und Lebensschreien

Es beginnt dir zu zeigen, wer ich war und wer ich wurde.

“Kein vorsätzliches Fehlverhalten entgeht jemals Miss Karma oder ihrem Bruder Chaos.”

Lichthaus Dann Verner

 

 

Mein dritter Band, “BOON”, führt dich tief in mein fiktionales / non-fiktionales Privatleben mit Prüfungen und Drangsalen. Meine einzigartig verdrehte nicht die Norm Wahrnehmung meiner verschiedenen Realitäten.
Es ist eine Darstellung des gelebten Lebens. Ein No-Hold-Sperrkonto des Alltags in einem alltäglichen, einkommensschwachen kanadischen Hause. Du wirst lachen, du kannst an Punkten weinen, du wirst einen wahren “WALK WITH DANN” machen.
“Ich werde wie ein Fisch im Meer durch deine Adern rennen.”
(Zitat aus Onkel Krackers Lied ‘Follow Me’)

Lichthaus Dann Verner

 

Ich schreibe gerade den letzten Band der vierbändigen Walk With Dann Collection.
“UNKZ, ein kanadischer Kosmonaut”
Kommender August 2018

 


 

Mein erstes “Standalone-Buch”.
Mein persönlicher Favorit.
Ich habe den emotionalen “Walk” sehr genossen, während ich ihn geschrieben habe und diesen Teil meines Lebens und dieser Zeit der Geschichte gelindert habe.
Die ruhigsten Jahre meines chaotischen Lebens.
Unten ist ein Leckerbissen der Lautstärke, um Appetit zu machen
Lichthaus Dann Verner

“Eine fiktive Reise eines Hippies auf einer Harley, die die Zeiten erforscht.”

 

“DER LETZTE KANADISCHE KOSMONAUT”

Der Geruch des Ozeans tanzte auf meinen Nasenlöchern, während ich ging, glitt und rutschte, über die Ebenen. Meine Augen huschten hin und her und tasteten vorsichtig nach Senken.

Ich hätte die andere Richtung gehen sollen. Auf die Junior High School. Auf dem Weg zu Hippie-Lehrern, die versuchen, mich von Wissenschaft, Glauben und Natur zu unterrichten.

Ich konnte den Zug in der Ferne hören. Ziehen Sie seine Tonnage Zuckerrohr um die Kurve zur Raffinerie.

Die Schlepper erklommen den Horizont. Ihre Wache spuckte hinter ihnen her, als sie gegen den mächtigen Tanker stießen, um das unnachgiebige Momentum zu verlangsamen. Damit es nicht an Land läuft.

Die Küste. Mein Pflegeheim war dort. Hoch auf dem Hügel. Es sind Fenster wie zwei große Augen, die mich mit Schuld verspotten. “Geh zur Schule”, schienen sie zu sagen.

“Ich kann nicht”, meine Antwort.

 

Eine kurze Zusammenfassung meiner “Walking On Dawes Collection”

 

 

Der erste Band des
“Walking auf Dawes Sammlung”
“Ich möchte ‘FLOKI’ sein”

 

Dies ist eine Geschichte von einer Familie, die ihr Leben im Rahmen von Regierungsprojekten und Gangleben lebt.
Außer ‘Little Ray’. Er und seine Familie wollen, dass er den Kreislauf bricht und ein normales Leben führt.
Es gibt Tragödie, Gelächter und vor allem “Einsicht” darin. Eine fiktive Geschichte, die auch nicht fiktiv ist.
Eine Familie, die in den Projekten von Toronto aufgewachsen ist. Das war ihre Realität und es war nichts falsch daran, denn jeder lebt in einer Nachbarschaft. Nur der Name und die Adressen sind unterschiedlich.
Der erste “WALK” einer entgangenen, miteinander verbundenen Sammlung fiktiver “Walks On Dawes”.
Die rohen und nackten Wahrheiten von einem erfahrenen Auge und einer Seele eines kanadischen Kosmonauten.
Eine Geschichte von den ursprünglichen “URBAN VIKINGS”.

Lichthaus Dann Verner

“Walking On Dawes – Band 2”
“Du kannst mich nicht sehen”

 

 

“Du kannst mich nicht sehen” – Walking On Dawes Collection – Band 2

 

“Dies ist ein Porträt eines gebrochenen Mannes, der ein gebrochenes Leben in einer zerbrochenen Welt führt, in der Familie und Freundschaft ein und dasselbe sind.”

Ein Mann, der einmal “BESCHÄDIGT” war, aber jetzt nur gebrochen war.

Wo falsche Entscheidungen zu lebenslangen Rügen führen können. Die Seele baumeln lassen und täglich aufs Herz treffen, um dich an die Strafen von Handlungen zu erinnern.

Wo ein Mann in einem überfüllten Raum ganz allein und unbemerkt sein kann.

Wo Traurigkeit Schatten Freude und Freude verbirgt die Traurigkeit.

Wo Glück und gute Zeiten sich mit Traurigkeit und Tragik ausgleichen.

Dies ist das Leben eines Mannes und seiner Familie, auf einer Straße in einer Stadt.

Ein Mann, der seine Dunkelheit sein Licht blenden ließ.

 

Eine Geschichte, die Sie am Ende überraschen wird.

Lichthaus Dann Verner

 

“Walking On Dawes Sammlung” – Band 3
“6315”
Kommender Juli 2018

 

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An Excerpt From “UNKZ – A Canadian Cosmonaut”

Here is a tidbit from the final and fourth volume of myWalk With Dann Collection”. It will wrap up the Walk with me through my lives. Giving you an insight as to who I became after the first three quarters of my life.

I made the choice, willingly, to abandon the family lifestyle, to escape foster care and to leave my paternal home. Yet, I was only twelve when that decision was made. I often think back to what may have happened if someone had tried to reason with me regarding my overview of life and society. My father and step-mother tried. But, to no avail.

I was too “uncomfortable” in a family setting.  The first book I remembering reading was “Stranger In A Strange Land” authored in 1961 by the great Robert A. Heinlein. I read it in 1966, I was nine years old . I immediately identified with the main character, Valentine  Michael Smith. For I always felt like a stranger in a strange land. I followed Heinlein’s writings all my days since.

I still do.

I have never felt like I belonged in this space/time continuum. Not one day in my over sixty years.

I was an avid lover of science, science fiction and science fantasy books and knowledge all my youth. I also loved reading encyclopedias and all knowledgable text. While my peers were reading The Hardy Boys I was digesting Tom Swift. While they were laughing at Archie Comics I was reading Mad Magazine and Carlos Castaneda. His ‘A Separate Reality’ touched my innermost core. Perhaps giving birth to my belief that my reality is not that of the ‘Normal“.

I often joke about my being left behind by ‘The Mothership’. I believe now that I was subconsciously stating “I was left behind by my mother.”  For that was a truth. A hard truth. A heart stab I have wandered through every single moment of life with. Always awakening the demons in the back streets of my mind.

 

My life in book form available at:

https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/17549697.LightHouse_Dann_Verner

https://amazon.com/author/lighthouseverner

E-Book versions available at https://www.amazon.ca/ – search “LightHouse Verner”

Paperback versions at https://amazon.com/author/lighthouseverner

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Am I Too Philosophical For Today’s Standards?

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Am I too philosophical for the standards of today’s society?

Why do I wake up crying?

Hell, I am portrayed by many to be, and I quote,

The toughest man they’ve ever met.”  

But, am I really that tough or have I just learned how to mask fright with strength. I have killed people – not something I hold pride for. But a reality that is public knowledge. A gigantic shame I must take ownership of. A yoke of sin that I can barely carry upon my aged shoulders. It’s weight taking a toll upon my spiritual spinal column.

Why am I so emotional?

Personally, I believe it is due to those last threads of my hippie years clinging unto what is left of “Boo Boo” and “Shake“. They know that “LightHouse” is who I have now transformed into and they struggle to keep their entities in the spotlight.

In some ways I believe I am tough. I am a survivor. I lived a very extreme and abnormal sixty plus years. A life, or lives if you were, considered by many to be tragic. 

To me it was merely life. We all suffer in life. Life is difficult. Survival of the fittest for sure. In ancient times the weak were swallowed up into the ground. The circle of life. The strong were flourishing on the treasures stolen from the weak.

Nothing has changed. In modern times we have learned to hide our true self from most. Wolves in sheep’s clothing. Evil disguised as strength. Kindness disguised as weakness.

My authoring my life unto paper and virtual text has awakened my demons. Those evil voices I had long put to rest in the security of a vault deep within my sub-consciousness. Never were they to have surfaced. Yet, I had to bring them out so family, friends and strangers alike could understand that ‘normal‘ is but a concept of society.

I sit here at my dining room table daily, tearfully, writing out what dances in my mind. It is a very painful process. A process I must complete for my eighth and final ascension to the next space/time continuum. 

My family believes they know me, but they know not. I don’t even know me. If you were to ask me who I believe knows me I would have to say “no one.

There are just too many “Me’s” to know. To be honest, many of me you really do not want to know. 

“I am still holding on, but there ain’t much left of ‘me’.”

Worse of all I know I still have numerous years yet to walk my ‘Walks’. That scares me. 

I know not where my path leads. I am positive I shall never back step. There is nothing behind me worth going back to. What lays before is yet to be explored. What may happen cannot be changed, avoided or known. It cannot be lest it not be worth going forth into.

Life is not supposed to be a pre-planned serious of events. It is a series of moments, events and days of futures past. A genetic repeat of all that makes us individual singularities in a group setting. We live in a communal setting to support and protect our individuality. That sounds like it has no logic. It does have, though, you will understand as your years roll by.

My focus on life, presently, is to leave behind my story. For strangers, for family and for friends. So they may know who “Daniel Arthur Verner – alias ‘Shake, Unkz, Boo Boo” actually was. Then they can compare who they had ‘believed’ I was to who I ‘believed’ I was.

“A stranger in a strange land”

I leave you now hopefully understanding that 

“I am Dann – just as I am”

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Life is Like a Box of Chocolates

Life is like a box of chocolates.

As soon as you open it up people rush to take.

Some take politely. Taking one piece – maybe two.

These people are the true friends.

Others, well, they will run over and with both hands dive into the box.

They will take far more than they could ever use.

They will bite into the unwanted flavours just so no one else can enjoy them.

Then they will toss the unwanted to the gutter.

The good friends will kindly thank you for sharing.

The greedy will offer no gratitudes and reach for yet more.

Closing thought …..

Be careful who you share your life and chocolate with.