They say, whoever “they” are, that love is blind.
Well by God I must have been walking into quite a few walls these past 6 years.
I have closure now.
Actually I think the door slammed my ass because I didn’t move fast enough.
My biggest fear now is going to be will I lose trust in all women who say they love me?
Not in a friendship way because Lord knows I have plenty of female friends, more females than males.
I mean in a relationship way.
I have no desire to date again anyways but I also do not want to become a bitter old women hater of a man.
Looking back 7 years I had vowed never to date again, but one day in our hallway she glanced at me and her smile stirred something in my very soul.
I have been many a bad type of person over the years.
From growing up watching foster parents, my real parents and friends cheating on each other I vowed I would be honest with that part of any relationship I was in.
In all my years with Jennifer I stayed true.
I was a flirt, big time, still am. But why eat cookies if you have Angel food cake at home.
Many will not believe that but I know the truth and I will stand before St. Peter or the Lord himself and say, “Yes, I broke nine of the ten commandments my Lord, but I honoured my wife for over 30 years.”
Life goes on.
I have been granted yet another crack at the bat and I will play by the rules.
I never once in my life thought I would be able to say
“I am 61 years old.”
Yet here I am and I am willing to bet that in ten years I will be listening to Leonard Cohen and dancing with my beloved Pringles and Ruffles.
I cannot hate over love, for maybe at one point she did love me.
I will have to believe that to be true because I don’t want to realize there are people that are that cold hearted in real life.
But, I have to ask myself why did she only visiting time out of all the two months I have fought for my life in these hospitals?
Would I do that to her? Not a hope in Hell, I would have sat beside her bed from day one for I did/do love her.
And now I must put on my “I am okay” face and carry on.