The Fear of Cancer

Not often I have ‘fear‘.

I have it now. I fear that I may not beat this cancer.

I was diagnosed on October 22nd, 2018, with Pharyngeal and Squamous Cell Carcinoma. Stage four.

I was past the ability to be treated via chemotherapy and conventional radiation. My only three options were let nature take her course or surgery to remove my complete tongue and lymph nodes (leaving me with zero quality of life) or receive radical aggressive radiation.

I chose the latter. Receiving a double session twice per day for twenty days. The actual treatment was easy. Just lay down, strapped in a cage and a mere fifteen minutes listening to Pink Floyd as the machine’s robotic arms did their task.

I was pleased when on March the first I completed the therapy and was told it had succeeded in killing all the tumors.

What I didn’t understand at that time was the worse part comes after the therapy. As the tumors diminished the damage from the radiation and cancer surfaces. This, apparently, can go on for up to two years.

My throat swelled and on the exterior turned purple. A side affect of the radiation burn and dying tissues within.

I had a few complications during the course of treatment. I developed a huge abscess in my lower abdominal cavity, possibly from the feeding g-tube implant. It required minor surgery to remove and drain. This was followed by a major battle with septicemia. A battle I thankfully won.

I was released from the Princess Margaret Cancer Center on January 31, 2019. After being hospitalized for twenty seven days. I was glad to be home.

At four in the morning of February the 2nd my spleen exploded. I bled out and have only survived because I live blocks from the Michael Garron Hospital. I was revived. Received four pints of blood, rapid infusion of Ringers lactate, a litre of iron sucrose and twenty nine staples on my abdomen. Complete removal of my spleen.

I spent all of February and half of March in Princess Margaret. My weight dropped down to ninety seven pounds. A far cry from my average one hundred and seventy.

I look like a survivor from a Nazi Death Camp.

I was sent home mid March to complete my treatment as an out-patient.

Things were well at first. I could not swallow most food so I was dependant on six cans of condensed Isosource nutrients to feed my body. I managed to get my weight up to one hundred and twenty-two pounds.

But, a big but, the damage from the tumors and radiation was surfacing more and more. The pain of swallowing increasingly getting worse. To the point I feared swallowing even my saliva.

This I am still plagued with as I write.

My weight loss increased and depression tried to take over my logic. I feared that I would definitely die. I have that fear still, as do my caregivers.

No longer able to function properly I resigned myself to the reality of coming back into the hospital.

Presently, I am hospitalized in the magnificent Toronto General Hospital. A Blessing of living in Toronto with the world class treatment of Toronto General and the adjoined Princess Margaret Cancer Center. Two of the best hospitals worldwide.

If I lived anywhere else I am positive I would not be authoring this blog on this foggy Sunday morning.

I am not sure what is to happen to me next. Neither are my team of doctors.

I have been here a mere few days, having been admitted on the twenty four of May. So, I am awaiting the results of my MRI, CT Scan and numerous other tests.

Tomorrow I have to have minor surgery to re-implant a gastric feeding tube and biopsy of my tongue and throat.

So far my diagnosis is as follows:

1) as my body absorbed the dead tumors it left behind holes, like potholes in a road. These ‘holes‘ have developed ulcers.

2) The ulcers can be one of three types. (A) non-cancerous, (B) Cancerous but treatable and (C) Cancerous non-treatable

3) I am severely malnourished and dehydrated.

Hopefully, by tomorrow evening I will know for sure what battle lays before me.

I am a ‘realist’. Hence, I take things in stride. It is what it is and I will deal with whatever falls my way with logic over emotions.

I also trained myself to always expect the worse possible scenarios. Reason being if I am expecting the worse no matter what my diagnosis is to be it shall be better than what I expected. A small comfort in such a serious situation.

I am not being unrealistic in my expectations. I am in a serious situation.

After many discussions with all my treatment team and my beloved family, I made the difficult decision to put in place a DNR, (Do Not Resuscitate), on my medical record.

This is justified and many tears were shed coming to the decision. It is the best avenue to take considering the condition of my physical form. My bone density is very low which means that if I were to receive CPR my ribs would shatter. Greater risk is that my heart and poor physical condition makes it ninety nine percent positive I will slip into a coma – a coma I will not recover from.

I pray no one ever has to have this discussion with their family. It was/is the most heartbreaking talk I have ever imagined having to have.

Saddest part being the reaction of my family and friends. I, being the patient, fully have accepted that I am knocking on the gates of Valhalla. I did not wish to accept it, but it is what it is.

I also have refused any major surgery that will disfigure and disable me. I refuse wholeheartedly to have my love ones suffer the anguish of watching me whither away, perhaps for weeks or months. That would scar their very souls for life. It would be selfish of me to put them through such.

They understand. They don’t like accepting it, but, once again, it is what it is.

I am not, by far, a ‘religious’ man. I am a man of faith. I believe in a higher, supreme power. Over the past 15 years I have been brought back to life 9 times so far. I wrote about these times previously. It’s suffice to say my life has been full of numerous ups and downs. Often down. It strengthened my personality and outlook on life. To most they would say my life was tragic. I see it as just ‘my life’. Sixty-one and a half years of learning and growth.

So, as it stands today, I have a battle to win. And I shall win because I am surrounded by true caring and love. I have a large group of beautiful souls who have formed a ‘Prayer Army’ on my behalf. Believe or not, but there is a power in prayers. They don’t have to be church indoctrinated chants, but rather sincere and positive praise to whoever you perceive as your Creator.

I am anxious to get the results of the tests tomorrow. The waiting and the fear of what may be is far more disheartening than the cancers themselves. The fear of the unknown instills an anxiety that clouds judgement.

I prefer sunny days over cloudy ones.

So, I will leave you now and I will blog whatever happens next in my wonderful life as soon as I know.

Until then, I remain ‘Dann, just as I am – – – The Original Urban Viking’.


And remember to ……



The Original Hippie or Perhaps, “Has Anyone Seen My Prophet? “

This blog I originally published 10 years ago.

My views and beliefs are still somewhat the same.

Since what I have been through in the last three months my Faith has grown much stronger.

What I am trying to convey here is that how do we identify a “prophet”?

A false prophet is easily discovered, but how in today’s society would we be able to recognize a true prophet. For all we know we may have the real one locked up in an institution with the numerous false ones.

Or he/her cold be hiding their identity until society learns to stop killing each other in the name of “religion”.

I truly believe that Jesus existed and was somehow able to communicate with the Creator. I believe he was very intelligent and far ahead of his time .

You have to keep in mind that in his time ninety percent of man were uneducated, illiterate and still worshipping false idols.

Could a charismatic, educated man be capable of influencing followers? Hell, yes most certainly.

Jesus could have been an alien or the last brilliant mind to come from Atlantis for all we really know.

Why we’re the first 14 books of the Bible removed by “religious” leaders of the day?

There is a great difference between being a religious follower and a true believer of faith.

All the “Holy Books” of that time had to be written in simple language form so as the average citizen could understand the messages.

Our genetic need to be the best and only one who knows what is truth has misconstrued what Jesus was sent to teach us.

But, we murdered him because, firstly, he was right and secondly, he was far too charismatic and thereby a threat to all religions .

So, here we had this poor soul traveling the world trying to enlighten society on the ten Commandments and teach us how to live peaceful and meaningful lives.

We returned the favor by killing him in the name of religion .

There have been many more “true prophets” since Jesus. But, modern day “religion” has been able to make us disbelievers of truth so as Faith does not interfere with the big money game we have labeled “Religion”.

Because we have not evolved much since Jesus’s time .

Which leaves us wondering, as I state below, “Who is the Jesus of this time period?

Originally published in July 2009 in my site ……….

The Original Hippie

I was recently asked if I believed in Jesus Christ.

What anxiety this raised within me – it was though I had been waiting for some soul to ask me this deep question.

Here is my mindset on this controversial topic.

I definitely believe in Jesus.

I believe he walked upon this big blue marble.

I believe he spread the words of the Creators.

I believe he was a man who was ahead of his time in the area’s of logic, societal disposition and culture.

Jesus was a man.

I do NOT believe he was the SON OF GOD. (Where is Mrs. God?)

Whoa, now I have stepped into it……, here I go…………..

Jesus was a Prophet.

Jesus was a peaceful, gentle scholar who wished only to make an immature society overstand the reality of spiritualism and human reality.

Jesus was the original Hippie.

Jesus was born at the wrong time.

Jesus was persecuted for his overstanding of what this plain of existence was, is and shall be.

In the rock opera, “Jesus Christ Superstar”, the title song asks the question, “Why did you choose such a backward time in such a backward land?”. Did he choose? Or was that what the Creators decided was necessary for the plain of space/time continuum in this particular multiverse?

Jesus was a soul man.

Through all time, through all plains of reality and through all seven multi-universes there has been Prophets. Be it Jesus, Siddhartha, Gandhi, Aristotle or John Lennon, makes no nevermind – they are just the vessel. The message is always the same. To quote Led Zeppelin, “The Song Remains The Same”.

Jesus was the father of the peace, love, forgiveness and unity movements.



So, once again I have irked a FaceBook troll by sharing this meme …



Now, I may be totally wrong, but to me this ‘meme’ simply states that humans are born with either of the two known sexual organs and/or urinary appendages.

Soooooooo, a very reclusive once friend of mine comments this ….


“Phoebe Alicia Gonsalves
Phoebe Alicia Gonsalves What a sad and ordinary life you live… ignorance unbounded. But it’s ok, I still love you and yo ain’t shit right now self 😙”


Here’s the screen shot…..




Which led to me answering this ….





Here I wrote it out to make it easier to read……


“I’ve been on this planet almost 61 years. Never met anyone who didn’t have either a penis or a vagina. Sexual preferences have nothing to do with what sex organ you were born with. In almost all species there is male and female. If I wore a dress I would still have to shake my fracking dick after I pissed. Real life isn’t a fracking FaceBook ideology. I don’t care if “I ain’t shit right now ” – NO MATTER WHAT AT THE END OF THE DAY YOU ARE EITHER MALE OR FEMALE, UNLESS AGENT ORANGE MADE YOU BORN WITH BOTH. IT’S A CHOICE TO PREFER THE SAME SEX. Can a man and a woman have a homosexual relationship? No! It takes either two men or two women. So therefore, there has to be two sexes. Not seven or eight. I’ve been called a “shit” often
I just shake my penis and say “Oh well”. Then I wipe my MALE ass with Cottonelle and go about my day.”


Well, I stepped into that cesspool of Facebook illogical ideology and she answered ….


“This entire rant^ point proved. Sexual preference and gender identity are separate, but there’s no arguing with over 60 and bored. A facebook ideology? You spam your wall with more trash than a tumblr feminist lol it’s all good though, I’m sure you got all your ducks in a row by now with all that real world wisdom you have ”




Soooooo, I put my other foot into the dung heap and fell further into her trap ….


“At least I don’t spam my OWN wall with bigoted “white privilege” rants or dark macabre shit. I can’t spam my OWN wall. The point the person who made the meme was making is that from a scientific or even medical point of view we are born one of TWO physical sexes. NOT EVERYTHING IS BASED ON BEING A PRIDE SUPPORTER. NOT EVERYTHING IS BASED ON GENDER OR SEXUAL PREFERENCES. SO, judge me all you fucking want,because if you are so “modern thinking” then you would realize that a penis is on a male, a vagina is on a female. My post -which was shared from another’s wall simply states that boys have penis, girls have vaginas. All the insults in the world won’t change that. Did I insult you? So, sit naked in your bedroom full of weird sex devices pretending to be living a heterosexual life and if in the next few years you ever go outside – look around. There’s only two sexes of mankind – but mankind has many versions of “sexual preference”.

Oh, and insult me all you like. My life is normal and I can even leave my house without being a stuck up judgmental anti-white recluse”





Then I added …


“Here’s a little blog of mine – sort of off topic but the gist of my message is the same”




Now, I realize I am not a medical doctor nor a biologist, but I have had a penis all my life.

We are actually quite attached to one another.

We get along very well.

I do have times where I speak before thinking. It is one of the fallacies of being a human. Once I realize I am wrong I will readily try to rectify my wrongs.

This is an atypical example of people partially reading something and forming an unjust opinion. It also shows the evils of social media.

I could care less what or who anyone prefers to have sexual relations with.

With exception of pedophiles and bestiality. That  would definitely make me hurt you.

Seriously hurt you.

Facts are facts – you have a Johnson – you are a man.

You have a Gina – you are a woman.

Be awful hard for two gay men to maintain a relationship if one has a vagina.

Be equally as hard for two lesbians if one had a penis.

I haven’t a clue about all these other  imaginary sexes.

I didn’t know they existed until we got a weirdo for a Prime Minister.

But, I am positive even your average LGBTQRSTUVWXY person understands that the Creators gave us only two sexes. 

I am also positive that a gay man has no use for a vagina, nor would a lesbian care to have a partner with a penis.





Same as cell phone games. They have become cellular “crack“. I know many people who spend their whole lives “playing their game“. Spending their food and living money on gems and upgrades. Only to cry later at how poor they are.

The game creators attach hypnotic music and have made it so as soon as you “upgrade“, spending ridiculous amounts of money, you will immediately need yet another “upgrade”.

And the idiots fall for it.

Because of watching these friends I have deleted my games, never to play them again.

Well, folks, hopefully I haven’t peeved you all off.

I have to go check my crotch to see if perhaps I am wrong about what sex I am.

But, I shall be back soon to annoy or entertain you once again.

Until then, I remain, Dann – just as I am. Penis intact.



(P.S. – I will soon be deactivating my FaceBook accounts as I believe FaceBook has reached it’s peak and is now as useless as a winged bull. It is just a haven for teenage harlots,drug addicts, drug dealers and shut in bingo Mom’s.)


To the WORLD I offer my apology Trudeau may cause to or in your homelands

Following is a letter I have sent to my country’s so-called “Leader”. It is self-explanatory.


To the WORLD, on behalf of my fellow Canadians I offer my apology for what the actions of Trudeau may cause to or in your homelands.


Please feel free to copy and send this if you so desire.


There is a large difference between helping refugees and REFORMING EXTREMISTS!!!!

Mr. Prime Minister,
First off, let me state that YOU are extremely ‘Anti-Canadian’.
Secondly, with your love for these Islamic extremist you have made our country a laughing stock worldwide.
Thirdly, my baby brother gave a quarter of a century – over half his life, to protect his fellow countrymen from the same people you are embracing.
Fourthly, if you want to rule as a Socialist under the guise as a ‘Liberal’ then please go to Cuba and carry on the twisted ideals of your father and mother’s good friend Fidel Castro.
Fifthly, you make me ashamed to be Canadian.
There is far more to serving the citizens who you WORK for than legalizing marijuana and globetrotting at our expense claiming to fight the good fight for gender confusion, women’s rights and preaching how we should “embrace” the very people who would/will imprison or execute us for not following their so-called religion.
What do you suppose will happen to citizens like your mother if Sharia Law comes into effect?
Just the picture of her from Club 54 with no underwear would get her stoned – and not in the marijuana way.
All these LGBTQ groups you did blatantly support would be beheaded and/or tortured.
Personally, I would definitely be imprisoned and tortured for my beliefs.
You, Sir, are not representing the majority of Canadians, but rather the minority who have taken hold of the mainstream media and drowned out the silent majority.
If you have any democratic sensibilities then you would call an election.
The Liberal Party ideologies and your instilled Socialism taught to you by your parents, Castro and the Quebecois is NOT the Canadian way.
A utopian world will never exist in our lifetimes or for many lifetimes to come. Human nature has not evolved enough for this to be a reality in any form other than box office movies and good novels.
Everyone but YOU, can see a serious 9/11 attack coming to Canada or, worse, to our neighbours via Canada.
Which, the latter, will have great repercussions for all of us.
In conclusion, I have attached An open letter of which I totally agree with.
Daniel Verner
An open letter to Justin Trudeau.
The Right Honourable Justin Trudeau.
Prime Minister of Canada.
Office of the Prime Minister.
80 Wellington Street Ottawa,
Email: justin.trudeau@parl.gc<mailto:justin.trudeau@parl.gc>. ca
Prime Minister,
In light of your recent decision to rehabilitate returning ISIS terrorists. I believe I speak for the vast majority of Canadians when I say that this idea is utter lunacy.
This on top of your bewildering decision to give Omar Khadr $10.5 million dollars.
Maybe the Americans did treat him badly. Maybe he deserved it.
Maybe his rights under Canadian law were violated. Mr. Prime Minister if ever there was a case for use of the Not With Standing Clause Omar Khadr is it.
Cases like his are the reason we have a Not With Standing Clause.
Now you want to bring home ISIS fighters and somehow fix them.
We have veterans in this country that gave their very limbs, not to mention their psychological well being fighting to stop terrorist organizations like ISIS.
Now you are going to bring these people back to live and work next to them. Are you freaking nuts!!
What an insult. And all those that took their final ride down the Highway of Heros. They gave their lives!
These rehabilitation programs you plan for your travelling terrorists will no doubt consist millions of dollars in housing, training, health and education opportunities.
All while our veterans, our seniors and less fortunate go without.
Prime Minister do you know what you get when you sober up a drunken horse thief?
A sober horse thief.
These people are irredeemable. They cannot be reformed.
All you are going to get from these programs are warm healthy well educated terrorists. A snake is a snake!
I and countless other hard working tax payers in this country have no doubt that we are going to wake one morning to find that one or more of these deviants has committed some sort of barbaric act resulting in deaths
of dozens and the maiming of hundreds.
It will change this country forever.
Prime Minister don’t be a damn fool
I believe I echo the sentiment of millions when I say that this is too important an issue to leave up to you and your government to decide. You are asking Canadians
to bet their very lives that your rehab ideas will work.
It is our children that could end up blown to bits in some shopping mall.
This is real Prime Minister you do have the right to make any proposal you like, no matter how stupid.
Some things however need to be decided by the Canadian people
If you insist on pushing forward with these plans then it must be put to a vote.
Canadians demand that you call an election immediately to decide the fate of you
government and whether you should have the right to push forward with your ISIS programs and other policies regarding Islamist extremism in this country.
Canadians want an election right now!!!
Daniel Verner
Very Concerned Citizen
And here is a little something that will make you go, “Hmmmmmmmmm”.

The Funeral Clock

Most family and friends know about the haunted grandmother clock I have.

I obtained it many years ago at a family funeral – right at the actual burial.

My wife and I had attended her Uncle’s viewing and I was admiring a grandfather’s clock in the foyer of the funeral home. I said to my wife how I would love to own such a beautiful timepiece.

One of her Aunt’s overheard our conversation and said she had a grandmother clock that had been annoying her for the past 25 years and I was welcome to it.

The next day, as they were lowering her Uncle into the ground, her Aunt taps me om the shoulder and passes me the clock.

(Yes, I know. I live a strange life and know many strange humans. My Queen,’George’ tells me often and she never lies.)

That had to be 28 or more years ago now.

Anyway, my reason for posting is this clock is paranormal.

It will stop for no mechanical reason and there’s no way to get it to restart.

When it does stop – someone dear to me dies.

It did it when I died those post surgery years.

When my Brother-in-Arms Roy, my friends Jon Jon, Dougie, my father, mother Marion and many more passed.

When I become aware of who or what tragedy has happened it will restart with a mere swipe of the pendulum.

The longest it has done this is when Momsie passed. It stopped December 21, 2014 and – catch this – restarted on my birthday October 5, 2015 at 7p.m.

The clock stopped Christmas Eve 2015 at 7:45pm – the clock restarted – January 22nd, 2016 at 4:47pm. Almost a complete month!

A period whereas I was extremely ill with kidney failures.

That time, it started without anyone swinging the pendulum – which is impossible. Very impossible.

Yet, it did.

And I am not sure if anyone dearest to me has passed during that period.

I think it was warning me that “I am was far sicker than I was admitting “.


I love this timepiece.