I have had the anguish of losing many friends and family over the past sixty-one years.
I have lost a few of my children.
My mother was murdered and made me promise on her death bed not to retaliate. Hard promise to keep, yet, I kept it.
I normally do not cry over death.
But, I cry over my dear friend’s, Sheena Eve’s, passing. It was such a tragic one.
I cry everyday. Every morning. Every night.
When I awake and she is the first thought in my mind, I know she is telling me all will work out. I miss her and so do all of her friends. Sheena Eve was a living Angel and now as she sits in Valhalla she is a celestial Angel.
Yet, although I shed no tears over my sons passing or even that of my mother, I cry many tears daily over Sheena Eve’s. The only passing in my life that has affected me this way.
My LightHouse gift (curse) of seeing dead people and premonition does not allow me the courtesy of blocking my emotions.
And therefore every time I see Sheena Eve’s pictures, hear her name or even briefly think of her I cry. No matter where I am. I do so proudly as there is no shame or embarrassment in loving someone so greatly that it hurts.
My tears are painful, but not sorrowful. They are happy tears formed by having Sheena Eve in my life. For Sheena Eve and our good friend Miss V having saved my life at the lowest point of my existence. An act of love that I shall ever be grateful for.
Best part of my sorrow is the joy I will have when I ascend.
I shall die with a smile knowing that this time I will not return like the past seven times I died.
I will take Sheena Eve’s hand, walk to the portal and all will be well.
She will continue to watch over us from the Heavens. Giving an Angelic hug to those of us who need one.
My beautiful Irish Guardian Angel
Until the Creator’s allow us to sit together once again, I shall remain Dann, just as I am
I will be seeing my beautiful Irish Guardian Angel soon. If the Creators and the Cosmic Muffin are kind.
Life is kicking me bad still.
I wrote a blog about what’s happening now.
I started New Year’s walking all night. Froze two toes, one finger.
Oh, and had a bad heart attack.
I am in stage C of congested heart failure. No treatment for it.
Stage D you go into palliative care, I don’t do palliative care.
I don’t do wheelchairs or walkers either. I will never get in one of those carts. I don’t want to wear a stolen ‘pleather‘ cowboy hat from Dollerama.
If I cannot walk I will crawl. And when I cannot crawl I will tumble.
As the Jews and my religion, Natsarim say “Hineni” – “I’m ready my lord”
The greatest songwriter of all time and the greatest poet ever to live, Leonard Cohen, whose last song, the theme for the fantastic show ‘Peaky Blinders’ was “If You Want It Darker“. Explains this well.
I’ve done a DNR and a Will.
I gave all my body to science.
The med students will have a ball looking at all my implants. I am the first Bionic Hippie.
I have more metal than a modern car. Lol.
I forbid a viewing or a funeral.
They give your ashes back in a year. Keeping some parts they want.
Funeral isn’t necessary.
Most who show up will come inside for a New York minute, then go outside to smoke joints with no regard for the families of other ascended live ones laidto rest.
There will be my birth family who never speak to me because I have been an Asshole and an Embarrassment.
Like I would change from being the only “unwanted” child born to my father.
I am fine with their shunning and bigotry.
Just odd that in sixty years of life I only spent at the most five years around them.
Majority of the attendees are happy they have a reason to get smashed and fight with their spouse’s and families.
Others will use my ascension as a reason to justify the chemical addictions.
You know I’m not lying.
All my years in prison I had two visits from my father.
One which embarrassed the hell out of me, he brought my 77 year old Nanny who I hadn’t seen since I was a teen working with my Uncles at the Brockville Fertilizer Plant.
Those visits were in the first six months. I was there for years.
Never a single letter from my immediate family.
My cousin Penny kept me sane with weekly letters.
Wish I still had them. I love her for the letters.
We were also unwanted kids.
We were in the same fosterhome for two years. My last foster home before I started my street life and Heroin.
My loved ones can meet at a decent bar, gag down a shot of Wray & Nephew’s and then drink and toast my death.
For I will have ascended to my final space/time continuum and be toasting back with my Sparkle Angel, my Irish Queen, My beautiful Sheena Eve and all my ascended friends and we will be sending all of you Light, Love and Peacefulness.
The only tears should be because I am not there to make inappropriate jokes and/or comments.
I love you all. You can cry EIGHT tears now.
One for each life I’ve lived.
I would be very happy if my truest love could be there.
She does not drink or do drugs. She drinks only Tetley tea and smokes Pall Mall XL Reds.
So make damn sure they have smokes and Tetley tea bags and milk there for her .
Or I will send my Shakie back and he will slap everyone but her.
Then I’ll light her a cigarette and make her tea for her myself.
Bear in mind I’m not giving up.
I promised my Terry I would out live her because I know my death will hurt her deeply.
I would never hurt her.
I do hope I live long and I will ascend the day after her so as I can bring a smoke and a hot tea to her grave. Then I’ll ascend knowing she is ok.
But, the Creators and The Cosmic Muffin are having fun with me presently and right now I am in very bad shape.
From experience I know I am not doing very well.
So if you want to offer my prayers to YOUR GOD I am ok with that.
Pray my beautiful Terry lives to be 105.
For then I will die on my original death date at the age 112. The day after my love.
If not, my son, Dakota is to check on her daily and help her when she needs such. No questions asked!
I’ve only met one truly unique friend like her. She is a gem in a pool of Rhinestones. A very rare gem – one of a million.
If I had been Blessed to have met her back when I was released from the penitentiary my life would have been drug and gangster free.
It was ‘love at every sight’.
Most of all, RESPECT MY WISHES or I shall send the “Shake” version back.
Not too many people liked Shake.
Definitely not my two ex wives.
I DON’T believe they liked him.
I divorced the first one in 1981.
I guess I should get to divorcing Number Two, we have been seperated for around ten years now.
But, you cannot spend 32 years with someone and then stop loving them. Only a soulless person could do that.
I have as much soul as Otis Redding
(Ha, gotcha – you thought I was going to say Otis Driftwood. Didn’t you?)
Or I could save money and let her be my widow.
Only the Cosmic Muffin and The Creators know their plan for my five personalities. “Baby Boo Boo, Dann, Shake, Unkz and of course ‘LightHouse’
Oh and buy my books. I priced them very cheap. The profits will go to Dakota.
Then you all will know and understand ME.
THIS I SWEAR AS MY LAST WILL, TESTAMENT AND WISHES.
Some days are better than the others. Those are the days when my inner demons back off and allow me to be “Dann”.
I began life with the nickname “Boo Boo“, right from birth. Derived from my mother not using birth control due to the controlling Roman Catholic Church.
In my teens I was labelled “Shakie“. Derived from my constant consumption of Heroin and Methamphetamine or as the street urchins called it, “A Speedball”.
I ‘shook’ all through my teens and right until my mid twenties when the Federal Penal System said I could return to society.
The Reader’s Digest version is, “The lifestyle I chose and the drugs I abused had created a violent predatory monster with society as its prey.”
In the summer of 1999 I was Blessed to become friends with a beautiful soul, Victoria, (check her FaceBook under “AWE-THENTIC VIBRATIONS“).
Also, I should mention that Miss V has been Blessed with a gift, genetically passed down from her beautiful Mother, Momma G – these two Angels are equally gifted in “BodyTalk“.
Now, mind you that is the professional name for what they can do. I would definitely say that what they are Blessed with is no less than the super conscious ability to control the magnetic energies and channel the electrical impulses of that which gives human life forms “life“.
She was the one who discovered and informed me of my ‘LightHouse‘ capabilities and thus to this day I am “LightHouse Dann Verner“.
Miss V walked with me through all seven of my legally declared deaths.
Miss V helped me claw my way out of yet another seven year drug addiction and to forget the violence.
Miss V taught me that my gift of premonition and overstanding of the multi-universal continuum was the path The Cosmic Muffin had laid before me.
Premonitions are not a pleasant gift. For often they are of sadness and I, alone, had the despair of informing the affected person. There are ‘good’ premonitions” – but they are out weighed by the dark ones.
As a physician must do with their patients, the only way to say the truth is bluntly and honestly.
Unfortunately, I am rarely wrong.
And thus, I started my blogs to alleviate the stress of being ‘Dann’.
To allow at least one soul to ‘Walk With Dann through the confines of his mind’.
Miss V lived in a shared house with an eclectic group of souls, singers, guitar players, models and a producer. And through Miss V, I was to meet my beautiful friend Sheena Eve. Sheena Eve is still my friend and also my Irish Guardian Angel, for now she sits among the Gods and watches down over me and all who she called ‘friend‘.
The Divinity of Miss Sheena Eve
During my fifty-nine years and nine months of existing as ‘me’ in this space/time continuum, I have experienced and endured the passing of many, far too many loved ones.
I shed no tears over the death of my first born son. I was still cold and hard from the violent biker years.
I shed no tears when my biological Mother was murder that summer day in 1981.
I shed no tears at my fathers death. I barely knew him.
I shed no tears at my beloved stepmother’s (never did that word have meaning in our relationship – she was my mother) passing for I knew if they were to flow they would never cease and I would drown in the sorrow.
Sheena Eve’s tragic and devastating ascension tore a whole through my aura, stomped on my soul and left me wondering why I walk this plain still.
“HOW DOES ONE GAZE UPON SUCH BEAUTY AND NOT FEEL THE LOVE”
I cannot gaze upon her picture without my throat tightening in pain a my emotions sneak out my eyes and trace rivers of hurt down my tormented face.
I cry as I keyboard this.
At no time is there a possibility of speaking her name without having to look away and hide my tears.
If a family member were to walk into this room now I would turn to the window and whisper, “Sheena Eve, I miss you”… and she would touch me with a cool breeze and dry my face.
And my life will go on.
And I do not comprehend why.
Why not I, who did so many horrible things?
Why an Angel – a soul who could only emit love and kindness and devoted her adult life to working with those society had abandoned?
And I do not comprehend why.
The Hairy Thunderer, Cosmic Muffin, Supreme Savage or whomever you perceive your version of a God to be plays with me in an unique fashion. One he/she/it finds amusing but teaches me which path I must stride.
From birth I was destined to constantly battle not only life, but also the cosmic plain of what the meaning of our life should become if we wish ascension.
And I do not comprehend why.
Or do I?
Some will label me as insane and that is fine. We all are insane by the definition.
In older times I would be burned at the stake for being a “Witch or Warlock”.
I am of the belief that I am merely “enlightened”. I became enlightened upon my first of the seven deaths.
I became aware of being enlightened by Walking With Miss V and by The Divinity of that which is Sheena Eve.
Remember I tell you this so as so you will know when you are Blessed with a Guardian Angel ……. for Angels do exist ……….
“I am visited by Sheena Eve constantly.”
In the form of three Morning Doves. In the touch of a cool breeze. A slight electrical pulse through my spine.
When I am in need the most I actually am Blessed to have her appear and sit with me. And I know then, I will more than likely be facing a mighty battle, but in the end all shall be right.
Believe me or not, for I am aware of the truth.
And now when my suicidal thoughts or my want to just give up sets in, She appears and quite literally kicks me in my testicles and with those gorgeous Irish eyes says to me, “Are you not a man Dann?”
And all will be well.
And I do not comprehend why.
Or do I?
So in conclusion let me say that now you know a little of what they call “ME“.
I am not like others, I am ‘Dann‘ – just as I am.
By the Blessings of two Angels I became “The LightHouse“.
I shine for you, that singular person who may grasp a minute knowledge from the Walk I have had with Dann.
Namaste’ my friend. I must go and wipe these tears ………