Dying Dann’s Adventures With Death #13

Am I the sum of my fears?

If this is the truth, then I must discover what those “fears” are.

The Sum of My Subliminal Fears

Are they my obvious fears or are they subliminal ones? The latter being the most dangerous of all. For they are the ones that took me a lifetime to supress.

My heart says I fear not many things. My instincts say that I am lying through my false teeth.

Why do we supress feelings of any sort? Is it geneticly implanted or is it just a “learned” behaviour?

My opinion is that we fear the unknown.

When confronted with our fear we automatically withdraw. Some of us will do so in order to “fall back and regroup”. These are the wise souls.

Others withdraw and bury their emotions deeply into their subconscious. Especially those with preexisting anxiety disorders. They are trapped by their inability to verbalize their behaviour. Their fear causing paralysis. Mentally and physically.

Like the false smiles we often wear to hide our pains and confusions. A mask to hide the fact that we do not know what to or how to seek relief and consolation from our mindset.

False Smiles on Cloudy Days

My “everyday fears” include my greatest fear – Drowning. During my youth I had a very close call with drowning when a foster father put six of us in a jetboat built for two. No life jackets. When he spun the engine to full throttle the craft dove straight down instead of the expected hydroplaning. Luckily I survived. One of the other foster children did not.

So, here we have a fear that can easily be dealt with. Simply stay away from the situations that may put me in the danger of drowning. Yet, even with this solution, I will still encounter times where getting on a boat will be a necessity.

That surpressed fright will surface so fast that anyone within eyesight will be able to say, “That dude is scared crapless.”

Which will make my second most fear come to surface. The fear of people knowing that I am not the “fearless tough guy” they all thought me to be.

I fear the fear of fearing more than anything else.

So, I ask you this, “What fear are you suppressing the most?

What sadness are you hiding behind blue eyes?

I will come back to this topic at a later date. I want to fall back and regroup my thoughts and then I will be able to expose my deepest dreams and fears. Be they nightmares or like something out of Carlos Castanedas “The Art of Dreaming”.

Well, maybe more of a clip from Anthony Burgess’s “A Clockwork Orange.”

Yes, yes, yes. Definitely a Clockwork Orange is a prime example of what is live streaming within the chasms of my eccentric and ecclectic mind.

I will visit my subconscious vault and see what I can discover and what I am surpressing.Deep thoughts .

Deep thoughts take a long shovel to unearth. In my case I may need a large bore mining drill to reach the depths of my inner being.

Dying Dann’s Adventures With Death #11

Is Death overrated?

Why do we all fear ascension?

Am I wrong to look forward to my final day?

I’m not suicidal.
BUT, I’m looking forward to my final death.

Nine times I’ve passed and had to return.

That’s not fair.

I have outlived so many souls that deserved to have outlived me.

I feel guilt.

I feel like I have cheated my friends somehow.

Why have I lived to be sixty-two?

Why did the Creators take my handsome son, Jordan, via a Christmas Day suicide, my beautiful Sheena Eve, my beloved Steve and Danny Delaney, my almost son, Jason Jilks, Jonathan, Dougie, three of my namesake sons, Daniel Juniors, my father and my Mother?

My only answer is, as I’ve stated in blogs and my books, we live seven lives.

We walk seven paths. 7 plains of space/time continuums.

Google seven existences or read the holy books.

(All mention seven )

We are not meant to be aware of this though.

Some, such as I, are cursed by knowing they have walked these walks.

My lighthouse premonitions are a curse.

Eighth walk is a bitch, Boo.

For there is no nineth crack at the bat.

This final stride I must walk is my penance, my own personal Hell laid before me by my own personal Jesus.

Should have listened to my Mother,

“Never trust a gangster.”

But, I was a gangster most my life. I had to trust them.

If I let you into my home I trusted you.

I should have listened to my father-in-law who once told me,

“The only trouble in your home is the trouble YOU let through your door.”

I didn’t take that advice.

I don’t fear life because I don’t fear death and as my autobiography.

“Walk With Dann Collection”

shows, I earned a horrible death.

Here is a prime example of what and how deep I played “The Game.”

Bomb Grade Vests

The Stash

The bags are Heroin, Crystal Meth, Crack Cocaine and Pure Cocaine.

Nice citizens we? NOT!!!

I made my money by storing hundreds of thousands of dollars in drugs. Often storing guns and explosives.

My location was a safe house. The “Vault.”

Perhaps, this will show you how I have changed from being, “Shake Dann Verner” – the extremely dangerous gangster of my youth into The LightHouse Dann”.

I have worked very hard to become a better person. A citizen, but, not a citizen Kane.

We even had the gangster Mercedes complete with a stash box in the back of the passengers seat.

Bullet proof side panels and glass.

We looked great cashing our welfare cheques.

Like I said,

“Nice citizens.”

Don’t fear Death – fear life.

Death is easy, living is difficult.

The universe plays tricks on us.

I live with my sadness and guilt daily.

I will certainly continue to do so.

Yet, I shed tears daily for the souls the Cosmic Muffin stole from me and from their loved ones.

I fear not dying.

I fear living.

Dying is painful, believe me, but it is also easy.

Living is difficult in every way.

Thusly so.

By being so it teaches the necessary life lessons.

I fear the pain of missing those who I’ve outlived.

I have passed through life while more deserving were robbed of such.

My first murder was dismissed by a very expensive lawyer and a short stay in a mental asylum.

Events over the years would make my lawyers wealthy men.

The gods have had their fun with me.

The devils have played their sick tricks.

I’ll not come back the next time.

Follow me if you wish, but don’t walk my path.

I will pass this final time with a foolish grin and a happy heart.

Until that day, I stand as you will for life is a bitter pill.

I wait for my last day. Smiling.

I have had so many, too many lowlife people take pieces from my soul.

This would break the spirit of most people.

I still will give whatever piece of me there is left.

A mere act of kindness and humbleness is priceless in the game we call, “life.”

I am a realist.

My life is too precious to be brought into a depression via actions I can not control.

I find humour in every situation and aspects of my life.

There may be a hurricane on the ground, but, you can rise above the storm clouds..

It is always sunny above the clouds.

I will still trust people.

Not everyone is the same.

The gangsters will have their laughs.

Little do they know what awaits them.

Valhalla is for heroes and warriors.

Helhiem is not.

In closing, may I state, that although I write regarding my past criminal experiences and actions, I am not proud of any of them.

I Pray that my posts, blogs. Vlogs and books will touch one soul and change their life.

“Wouldn’t that be cool?”

Namaste’ my friend.

#DyingDann

#lighthouseverner

#LightHouseDann

Dying Dann’s Adventures With Death #9

Greatest Cancer Treatment Centre in the World

Due to the Covid backlog the appointment was a complete waste of time and resources.

But fear not.

Forever action there is an opposite and equal reaction.

The Creator has reason for all that exists and/or happens.

It was a huge waste of time and taxi fare.

They did nothing.

Cardiologist was way too backed up.

They asked me to get my family doctor to see if he could find a cardiologist asap.

They are looking too.

Craziness.

I was up most of the night with anxiety.

I have been waiting 5 months to get these answers.

BUT…..

A LightHouse is what a LightHouse does.

Lead by example

I just forced a smile and bid them,

A Good Day.

God will reveal his calling for me soon.

I believe He has already been working on me behind the scenes.

So,

I have amped up my writing, blogs, my Last Canadian Cosmonaut Journal Magazine and now I have a IGTV Channel.

As well as my YouTube Channel.

KDV’s YouTube Channel

I will be doing more video “Vlogs” now..

Not to mention that I am almost finished Jordan’s biography. From his birth to his suicide on the morning of December 25th, 2018.

A very emotional one to write.

Very much so. Remember I tell you this.

I am almost finished the first novel of my new fictional series,

That’s My Good Eye, Jimi.

A telling of the lives of four Canadians of Irish decent from grade school to adulthood.

They make their living with a legal logistics company and a sideline business of smuggling contraband such as cigarettes, booze and weed across the USA /Canada border.

They are loyal to their neighbours and hometown proud as an Irish man can be.

I am experimenting with more humour and less graphic violence in this series.

With an open ended plot to mold one volume into the next.

As you see in most successful TV Series. (Hint of what may be formulating in my creative subconscious?)

Not as violent as my

Walking On Dawes Collection“.

I am hoping that the,

That’s My Good Eye, Jimi“,

Series may someday become a TV sitcom.

You never know.

If that is just a goal that never comes through then the story lives on through eternity my book rendition.

Over the past three years I have been approached with a couple of opportunities to consider.

Regarding a fictional project focusing on the characters from my various projects or perhaps a docu-drama based upon my autobiographical series,

“Walk With Dann Collection”.

Is it possible that my calling is to keep writing and speaking out about whatever is going on in my eclectic eccentric mind?

The answers my friend are blowing in the wind.

The Winds of Wishes of the Creator.

I will leave the spiritual wondering for a more meditative moment.

Till I feel my work here is done, I will remain LightHouse Dann – just as I am.

My Earlier Works. My has my writing improved over the last few years. I am more proud of my last 2 published works and excited for the debut of my new fictional series

I tremendously enjoyed authoring this book.

I researched and researched all aspects of the physical pathways of the storyline. I took advantage of Google Street View to set the proper moods within my mindset.

Overall, as my biggest critic, I have to say that “6315” compared to my first published book, “Damaged” is like the difference between a Kindergarten and an University education.

I Pray that YOU will find entertainment and stimulating thoughts from any and all of my existing works. I am open to any criticism or praise.

Also if there is a story you would like me to write let me know.

My first published work. Volume 1 of my four volume autobiography. I wrote it. I briefly edited it. I purposely decided to publish it totally “raw” as my life during that period was not corrected or edited

My first “standalone” novel. A journey of Peace, Free Love and Change. A Hippie on a Harley exploring North America in the Age of Aquarius.

Final Preparations For Jordan’s Celebration of Life

Final Preparations For Jordan’s Celebration of Life

February the first is just about here. A day I dread. The day my wife, Jennifer, my oldest son, Randy, my youngest son, Dakota must say our farewell to our son and their brother.

For those who have asked, here are the details and location of the Service and Reception. Saturday, February 1, 2020 at 4 PM – 7 PM at the Canadian Legion Hall Number 73, 2 Robinson Avenue, Toronto, (Danforth Avenue and Danforth Road)


Anxiety is high for the family.
I am worried for my wife.

She has been staying strong as she can.
Yet, I know how she feels inside. I know she is hiding ninety-nine percent of her pain. She is brave that way. Forget not that she is also watching me slowly deteriorate. Everyday wondering if this is the day Dann passes from his cancer?
A father’s love is like no other, also, A strong genetic companionship of the Alpha and his Beta’s. `Daddy Know`s Best` so follow your Father and learn to be a good man.

A Mother’s love can only be felt by her.
For nine months our son grew within her, sharing her very life giving oxygen and nutrients, reading each others minds.
Their bond goes all the way to the genetic and cellular level.

I am worried for Jennifer and I will be here when the need arises for I have never left her in the emotional sense. Of course I love her – I have done so for forty years and always shall.

To see her devastated, sadddened and just broken hearted hurts me. My heart is all I can offer her, except my shoulder and ear.

I was lucky in sort of a way,
I had a large climatic breakdown and needed professional help as for that few days I was out of control and devastated with emotions.
Jennifer has not released the enormous volume of sorrow she is holding within. I believe that the Creator allowed me to still be living so as I will be here for my family.
I certainly will do my best to be here.

Jordan and Randy in the East Coast for their Grandfather’s Funeral

I will try to stay positive and stand tall in this hurricane of life we are facing.

After all, I am a “LIGHTHOUSE” so it is my destiny to Shine my Beacon so as to bring others to Safety, Peace and the safety of Life.

I just wish I could have succeeded in helping my son more than I had. Maybe, he would be sitting here with me if I had ………………

I am publishing this to help alleviate the turmoil in my mind and prevent the Darkness to cloud my mind. When I cannot “Reach Out To Someone“, I write.

When I can do neither – I cry – and then I cry a while more – then I bawl until my tears have dried.

I cry both the tears of losing my son, the sorrow and the despair. I , also, cry happy tears for the love and joy Father and Son shared during his brief time here with us.

So Far We Have Raised Enough To Bring Jordan Home.

Thanks to many kind souls who have supported us and donated, shared and did whatever they could to assist my family on getting Jordan home from Alberta to Toronto, Ontario.

We have paid for the Cremation and everything necessary at the Alberta end of Jordan’s journey home.

Jordan as a young teen.

This was priority one for our family and thank you to a very generous donation from my Cousins Bobby & April McCrossin as well as the numerous other donations we now have paid for Jordan’s Cremation and shipping home.

Left to Right: Jordan – my second born – Randy – my first born – and Me

We still have to raise enough for the Urns, Service, Minister, Hall, Etc.When He Arrives Home To Complete Showing Him A Proper Funeral Service.

On behalf of my wife of 39 years, Jennifer, Randy, Jo’s older brother and Dakota, his younger brother I want to thank you from the bottom of our hearts. Your love, your support, your willingness to talk to us at anytime to help get us through this tragedy has been very sincerely appreciated.

Rest in Paradise my Son.

PLEASE, IF YOU ARE DEPRESSED OR HAVING SUICIDAL THOUGHTS OR JUST A LITTLE SAD AND NEED A SHOULDER AND AN EAR, REACH OUT!!!! SUICIDE IS NOT THE ANSWER – IT LEAVES A WAKE OF DESTRUCTION AND PAIN.

It definitely destroys families. It definitely destroys the Mother and Father and Siblings. They say’ “Time heals all wounds.” No, I disagree. Some tragedies can never be healed or forgotten. You do not get “used” to it either. You cry the same tears today as you cried whenever your heart was destroyed.

Delaney Jordan McLean Verner Born: September 11th, 1990. Ascended: December 25th, 2019.